Just broke up with my girl friend, have some questions. (kinda long, sorry)

[Darkest Heaven]

It's been a year. During our entire relationship, she ping ponged on me a million times. Without writing a novel, she broke up with me constantly, then apologized for "freaking out." She wanted me to push school, work, a bunch of other things, and I did, for me, not for her.

In the end, I grew as a person, while she stayed the same confused little girl she is when I met her. She doesn't know who she is, how to be emotionally mature and figure out her feelings. My saddest thing is that I told her this before walking out, and I know she took it as a personal and degrading attack, when she full well knows it's the truth, she's said it before in one of her "I'm sorry baby" shpeels.


I feel guilty for caring as little as I do at this point. She kept saying she doesn't respect me, my love isn't enough for her. It's not that I'm as she would put it... butthurt... it's just that I have given her more than anybody I've ever been with, and I feel as though she spat on it constantly. I'll be the first to say there's a lot of shit wrong with me, and the majority of the problems that are wrong are either now fixed, or being worked on. I'm not just blaming her to all of my friends or here to make myself feel like I did good, she did bad.

The bottom line though, in my mind, is she didn't want to learn and grow together, she wanted me to fix my shit, and by focusing on my shit, she could avoid her own problems.

My only question is how can something that is/was so special get to this point- the point of nothing left to say to her? How does that happen? Has anybody else wondered this? And do I really want to know?

[IncognitoSir]

Its actually pretty simple man, and most of us her have been there......more than once. When love isn't reciprocated properly it begins to take a toll on the relationship. Not to mention, over a short year a relationship has a way of changing people, and not always a good change. I've been there before, almost exactly like your situation but with a few changes. Just move on, keep bettering yourself. Sounds like you were pretty mature in how you handled it, maybe blunt but hey, breaking up aint easy. Hell, you sound like you're doing pretty good so far.

[ktm390]

some people are just selfish man. if you feel like you gave it your all thats all you can do and she will either realize it now or sometime in the future when she has many other failed relationships, because of her unrealistic standards. after losing some girls that i loved for pretty much the same reason over and over (not the reason you listed, my own issues) and hearing them say pretty much the same things, i sat down and realized that the common denominator was me. hopefully she will realize it for her sake. she just sounds like a selfish young girl, not much you can do about that.

[Darkest Heaven]

When she left me all of the other times, I cried and threw a hysteria. Not even a tear this time. She told me a couple of days ago "if we break up, I've cried all I'm goinna cry over you"... compared my cigarette addiction to an alcoholic ex she had... and yeah, maybe that's why.

If I look at it objectively, my feelings for her aside, I grew, she stayed the same. And when she blamed me for "not having anything to teach her", I told her before leaving that whatever her it's not that, it's that she has a deficiency and until she solves that she'll never learn. I saw a lot of things I didn't want to see and went through a lot of things I didn't wanna go through to be a stronger and better person, while she just slid by until a good thing came into her life, and she had no clue how to handle it.

Maybe one day she'll wake up.

[ktm390]

Maybe one day she'll wake up.

you can only hope. that is if you want her to be happy

[Darkest Heaven]

I used to have anger problems.
I had trouble getting motivated.
I was more negative than I really felt, without realizing how much it affected other people.


Those are some of the big ones. Like I said, I'm taking as much blame as I'm dishing out in this. If I sit here and talk shit about her, even if what I say is true, it gets me nowhere. I have analyzed what I did wrong and continue to do so, because I understand that by learning such, I now have a better future ahead of me., as long as I can fix the stuff, of course.

[ashley89]

It's not that I'm as she would put it... butthurt...

OMG! selflessnhumble is that you?!

[BeingAlpha]

you can only hope. that is if you want her to be happy

Just assume that she won't -- some people never learn and never pay the price for their indiscretions. Life isn't fair..don't expect it to be.

[Darkest Heaven]

I know that she can be great if she lets herself, but I'm not assuming, wishing, hoping, or wanting.

Every time this happens with her, it's always what is she thinking, how does she feel, etc etc. Now, no.

It's her problem now. And she can live with it, I don't want to anymore.

[Darkest Heaven]

LOL!

I was browsing the website we met and her profile popped up. She has a whole list of "anybody I date must do this, this, this:.. then states she's not looking for anybody. In her mind, somebody will "find her".

That gave me a great laugh to see how immature and jaded this little girl now is, because of what I had told her yesterday. In her rules, she's pointing out all of my flaws, and only MY flaws and basically convincing herself of how bad I am.


What a great laugh.

[Darkest Heaven]

She's not working, living off of child support money that her mom gets, and is in a piece of shit joke of a school.