problems when my gf goes out without me

**SelflessnHumble** · 30-01-11, 07:08 AM

Originally Posted by Mary_A

Obviously, he IS that worried. Therefore you're saying he needs to pick her up. She should be responsible and let him know she's safe. He's the one anxious at home, she's the one who routinely ignores her because she's too drunk to let him know she's safe.

Incorrect Mary.
The burden of the responsibility doesn't rest with the person who is inflicting these *feelings* the OP feels...No.
It rests on the person who SEES what the other person is doing *as right or wrong* -like a man: confronts the issue and faces it and the
inherent consequences of whatever answers he gets from HER. All I see is passive aggression, and then when he did bring it up to her:
she told him how she feels: "I don't really care about your feelings because my happiness doesn't rest in making YOU happy: it rests in making ME happy."

(which means he does NOT make her happy) btw.
If she cared, she'd follow up, text him back at the least.
I get the impression she thinks he's a "Spaz" and treats him accordingly.

**SelflessnHumble** · 30-01-11, 07:09 AM

Originally Posted by Mary_A

^ Do you hate men or something? Seriously. He's insecure? He said over and over he trusts her completely. I don't even know why he trusts her, she acts shady.

People can lie and can be in denial: on the internet.

**Mary_A** · 30-01-11, 07:16 AM

I get the impression she thinks he's a "Spaz" and treats him accordingly.

If she were my girlfriend, she and I would be done. It sounds like she is done with the relationship. I really think he's doing the best thing here.

**SelflessnHumble** · 30-01-11, 07:22 AM

Originally Posted by Mary_A

If she were my girlfriend, she and I would be done. It sounds like she is done with the relationship. I really think he's doing the best thing here.

Exactly. In her eyes: it isn't over: it just sucks to be with him, yet there are many unsatisfied people who don't only stay
with someone they don't even love, but people even stay married with people they loathe. *People*

**girl68** · 30-01-11, 08:39 AM

Originally Posted by Mary_A

^ Do you hate men or something?

I effin' LOVE MEN, boys... not so much. OP is acting like a little boy.

**Emerald_Dreams** · 30-01-11, 08:40 AM

OP is acting like a little boy.

How's that, exactly?

**SelflessnHumble** · 30-01-11, 08:46 AM

None of your business...Btw, thanks for now revealing to me that you're a rat, ED.
I appreciate the fact a "private" message isn't private to you.
Should I divulge your homosexual advance you made to me regarding a "date" with me?

Of course, unlike you: two wrongs don't make a right. Keep it up inferring (with passive agression) that
I'm loony, and autistic, thanks! I've screen capped every single snide remark and will make for a beautiful collage when
you are perma banned here...thanks again.

**girl68** · 30-01-11, 08:49 AM

HOLY shit, I love you

^

**Emerald_Dreams** · 30-01-11, 08:51 AM

Loony, autistic? I don't know what you're talking about, but you're clearly agitated. I think the problem you're experiencing there stems from your own insecurity and feelings of being threatened. You need to stop with the blame and ask yourself where these feelings come from, and then accept responsibility and ask yourself what you can do differently to improve your life.

**Charisma** · 30-01-11, 03:43 PM

Sometimes people will talk about the negative things about their friend's partners for a few reasons.

1. They really think he's dodgy and want to warn their friend. This usually has an explaination to go with it.

2. They are jealous/envious/not really true friends, and want to inflict hurt on either person, or encourage them to break up for someone else to benefit. Hell maybe they do it just so the friend is back to being single and miserable.

3. They are generally not nice people, and can't help saying bad things about people. Probably very insecure, especially if they don't seem to have luck with guys, and the friend is more popular and happy and stuff.

4. Probably more reasons but I can't think of any more.

In this case, you can only hope your gf is mature enough to question why their friend says those things, and for what reason they have to not like you. Maybe the reasons have some truth, maybe they are true but twisted into something bad, maybe they are small and collective enough to plant doubt, or maybe she knows it's bs. I can't say.

In highschool there was a guy I liked. I actually kissed him, but I messed up the chances with him, and he ignored me from thinking I had rejected going out with him. My so called best friends happily reminded me that he hated me, and that he thought I was *rude words- I'm not a potty mouth!*, and one of his gfs even sat in a class telling me how he was stoned when he kissed me and that I was ugly and stuff (in front of the teacher and other folk- goes to show how healthy classroom teaching can be!). In the end, I ended up in the same class as him for a subject in my final year, he slowly began talking to me (I started the year walking out of the room he was in- because in music class we had 3 rooms to choose to practice/study in.). The so called friends had to change their tune, but funnily enough they didn't seem too happy to tell me this, or any more messages similar to it.

In my case, I should have avoided it all by forging better communication (well any sort of communication!!) with the boy I liked. Perhaps the best thing you can do is encourage better communication and honestly with your gf. But as most people have picked up on, try not to sound- or be- controlling of her actions, thoughts or feelings. If she says anything that sounds judgemental, unfair towards you or negative, try to relax about it and not argue with her for speaking them. After all, there may be some little things that she does that annoys you- you still like her tho, and that's the main thing.

**SelflessnHumble** · 31-01-11, 11:37 AM

Originally Posted by Emerald_Dreams

Loony, autistic? I don't know what you're talking about, but you're clearly agitated. I think the problem you're experiencing there stems from your own insecurity and feelings of being threatened. You need to stop with the blame and ask yourself where these feelings come from, and then accept responsibility and ask yourself what you can do differently to improve your life.

I can appreciate your delusions...I will post the screen grabs for all to see.

**student21** · 01-02-11, 12:35 AM

sorry for the delay in replying but as I said I work all weekend every weekend.

I have spoken to her about the friend that causes the trouble at times. She's said she would talk to her friend about these things to get her to change attitude towards me. I think this subject is a bit hard to discuss here as its more a problem with the friend rather than with my gf

As for the person who suggested I pick her up after her night out to take her home I happily would if I could but after 9 or 10 hours work until 11 or 12 at night then going home exhausted and forcing myself to stay awake until 3 to collect her then driving home until around 4 is just as dangerous an idea as I am only a year driving and if i was that tired behind the wheel I'd feel just as worried about letting her in the car with the extreme rick of me crashing due to decreased awareness as I would with her going home alone.

The guy who said she's cheating on me I don't buy that for a second. I trust her. And despite the issues I have raised she is a good person. She wouldn't cheat on me. Anyone here can say what they like about their theories on how she would be cheating on me but they won't change how I feel secure knowing she wouldn't. That's just the way things are. She has my complete trust.

I think a lot of the problem was bottling this up and not having a clear indication in my own head as to what was bothering me. Things still are bothering me. But after putting them down in clear words this means at least my head has cleared up a bit in regards to what was wrong.

She went out last fri, I was working till 11 and back in for a 12 hour shift early on sat. I didn't hear from her until half 11 on the sat which was fine. But once I had heard from her and asked about her getting home safe and checking that everything went ok with her for the night things felt much better. I just wanted to be sure nothing bad happened to her during her night out. I didnt ask her what she was up to or where she went or who she was with or how much she drank. I always ask did she have fun and a good time and if she tells me stories of her night I have an interest in hearing about them not in a clingy controlling way but as a genuine interest and feeling happy for her and enjoying knowing she had a good time. However its her choice to tell me what she wants to I respect that she has her own space and time to herself.

The big problem is going out with her and being able to feel sure she is genuinely enjoying it and wants me to be there. I dont know how to approach this issue without making ehr feel guilty or angry

**student21** · 01-02-11, 12:37 AM

also for those who suggest she is sick of me or something I seriously doubt this as when in any other situation not involving night out any other day etc. Things are great she shows me full love and affection and appreciation. I can see she is happy and not just putting it on or anything

**SelflessnHumble** · 01-02-11, 12:47 AM