Is there any hope?-Kinda long

[Insomniak]

Ok, I was hoping that I might get some advise here. Its been almost three months since me and my now ex-g/f broke up. To give you all some background, I met this girl through my best friend's fiancee who is her cousin. We dated very seriously for about 5 months talking to each other all the time, seeing each other, spending some nights together. Now she is 30, 2 years older than me, and lives at home with just her mother, so there were many times that she had to be home because of mom, etc which threw up some flags for me early on. But as we settled in a bit, she seemed to call less often and it seemed that spending nights together were becoming less frequent. So like any normal guy, I started to wonder if she was looking to see someone else, or not happy, or etc. I have my own place, told her ealr on I was looking for something serious and not a fling, and wanted to work on a solid relationship.

Then came a party at a freinds in which she was supposed to stay over. She told me that night though that she had to go home as she had a houseware party or something like that the next day at 2pm. I asked why she couldn't stay over seeing how the party was at like 2 and she said "because". So I asked 2x more and got the same thing, "because". Finally, she said because she told mom she'd be home. I was of course annoyed because she seems to live her life for mom. That was becoming a problem, especially when she is 30! She just shrugged it off, talked to friends a moment later like nothing happened and me being pissed off, I finally said "you know what, maybe you should consider seeing other people as I am beginning to think about doing the same" and said no more.

Through the course of the evening, I said nothing to her more because I was still very hot. I figured let a day or two pass and cool down and then talk. She left and said bye with an attitude. Well, a few days passed and I tried calling..voicemail...no call back. So I called a few days later, and then again, and no response. Finally, that next weekend I went to her work with roses. She couldn't really talk and was kind of cold. I asked her to dinner to talk, but she said she had plans. But I finally confessed something I hadn't said to her in person before, that I was very much in love with her. She said she just didn't know because I hurt her. Unknown at the party, I also found out later that she waited in the car for me to come talk to her but I never came out.

So here is my dilemma now. Over the past few months, she has not called me and I have sent a few letters as well. She changed her cell number too (ouch)and made it kind of obvious that she doesn't want to talk to me. Now I am through most of the dumping stages one goes through but I can't stop thinking about her and even on a daily basis here and there. I hate to throw the freindship away and have tried to express this. I know it usually doesn't work out, but as long as two people know that is all there is to be, what are the chances of getting hurt? I just sent her another letter to express this but don't think she'll call anyhow...look at the history. Her cousin doesn't want to get involved either and says that her cousin just feels its better if she keeps away. It makes it harder to forget about someone though when you know that your friends have constant contact with her. They say she's not seeing anybody else, just doing her own thing with friends but that doesn't really matter. So what does anyone recommend that I do to completely forget about her? Do you think she may consider attempting a continued friendship at all? Why won't she give me closure as to what I did wrong? Where the hell do you find someone new and decent..not at a bar for sure. All I got from her cousin was that it just didn't work out. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

[ka_xx]

Hey, well, all I have to say is some people aren't decent enough to tell you what went wrong because they avoid conflicts. It sounds to me like she REALLY avoids conflicts. Honestly, you don't really need a friend like her untill she is ready to tell you why the hell she "changed her cell number", now that is just low. She is really trying to not talk to you (no offence), so forget her. Now, as to where you can find decent people, honestly try the internet, go out, talk to friends. You will find her Maybe just enjoy life instead of concentrating on finding someone, and they will come to you.

[cycletease]

I have to say that you need to move on, also. Sorry, man. This girl seems too closed off to work things out with. Either she is totally uninterested or completely immature in relationships...either way there is little hope for you.

If the cousin won't talk it is because she was told not to, this isn't good for you. If the girl was still hurt about you and missing you then the cousin would try to help work things out.

So your only chance is to move on and start living again. Maybe the girl will find out through the cousin that you are doing really well and will become interested again. Make sure you mention to the cousin, cooly, that you wish things would have worked out. Give it a few months and maybe things will change.

There is 0 chance of friendship. Women hate that even if they use the line to try to make breakups easier. If you really loved them how could you possibly just be friends with them?

[Cybog]

It baffles me that after 28 years of life some people will actually say some shit like "you know what, maybe you should consider seeing other people as I am beginning to think about doing the same" and then actually wonder why the other person isn't into them any more.

Not only that, but you would do it to a 30 year old woman and think that she would come running back to you. (After dating for 5 whopping months)

Guess what. This isn't High School.

It's obvious you are batting a pretty low average in the relationship department, so I'll give you some free advice.

#1. Don't do that.

#2. Grow up. The faster you do, the more likely you are going to meet women who are, ya know, not still living with their parents....?

#3. Throw out every single last item in your house that has anything to do with this person. A shirt she used to wear, a letter you have, an email you saved. Chuck it all. This pathetic sense of "holding on" will get rid of the physical aspect of your obsession.

#4. Start looking at and thinking about other chicks.

#5. You made your bed, now lie in it. Leave this broad alone, leave her cousin alone, erase her address/phone numbers/email address and move on with your sad, sad life.

#6. Meeting new people is only as difficult as you make it out to be. If you are a social pussy and are "afraid" of talking to chicks, then you will be single for another few years. If you actually have a pair, then get out there in the world and simply start talking to the opposite sex. Your title under your name says "It only takes a hello". Now start practicing that.

[Insomniak]

Thanks for the advise for those that read this...Yes, I know better to just move on, but its hard when you fal in love...falling out of love is probably harder which is why I was blabbing about this. Yes, I did wrong but people aern't perfect. Sometimes we say things we don't mean. Its just too abd though that I think you're right, the chances for friendship are bleek. Just hard to understand why people throw it all away when theres more to a relationship than just sex...its friendship too. Anyhow, thanks!