This is the last message I post on here (for those of ya who're tired of me). Here's the “grand finale”...
Around midnight last night, I was laying in bed (I sleep on the floor in the living room of my apartment) and was reading a book. We just got around 2-3 inches of snow and I'd noticed that the cute guys who rode their ATV's with their snow shovels attached to the ATV were shoveling the snow while my curtains were closed. In my mind (since I'd seen them before) I thought they liked me and would only wanna shovel the snow during the day to see me. I was very hurt and JEALOUS. I saw that they were conducting their business just fine without me having my curtains open (which told me that they didn't have a thing for me).
It makes me EXTREMELY JEALOUS when cute guys I'm interested in or seeing any guy with another girl other than me. The reason y I'm jealous is because-- in my head I see me as being a very sexy, attractive girl that guys only wanna screw. I get jealous of the attention and love given to those girls from their boyfriends or husbands. I feel average/ugly when I see a guy swooning over any girl but me.
I'm also confused as to y no guy has ever asked me out on a date. I'm currently talking to this guy online and there's been no mention of the word DATE. I feel like I'm not dateworthy. I get sad and mad whenever I'm rarely out and hot guys in hotrod cars go by without honking or yelling something about how cute I am. Then, I realized that whenever I do go out like to a skating rink with friends (which was a while ago) , that no guys were coming up to me and asking me out. It's like that wherever I go. I almostcried when I heard the guys out on their ATV's shoveling the snow-- cause it signified that they could care less about seeing me.
I need advice on all this thanks! Sorry for bothering you guys!