confused in need of your opinion

[duduinwonderlan]

I could tell you my story and I will, but you should all have in mind that this is my side of the story...the other participant not being able to give his opinion about it since he is also the main focus of it.
So we met...one night ...we’ve been together ever since, three months going on four. He is my first, my first everything, real relationship, first men I’ve ever slept with, first boyfriend. Yeah, not my first love, at least not up to now, I guess I ‘m not the typical “fall in love with your first man” kind of girl. I care a lot for him, I wanna spend time with him, but somehow I can’t seem to shake the thought that he’s not good for me. He treats me ok, but I can’t feel his implication in ‘us’. We see each other mainly in the week ends and sometimes during the week, but usually we don’t. when I confronted him, he replied that it is better not to be together all the time because this way we can miss each other. He never tells me if I look pretty, beautiful, ok, whatever… never tells me that he like something of me and up to 2 or 3 weeks ago rarely even caressed me or held me. A few weeks ago I told him about this and he started to act more warmly, but just gestures, not words. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to hear that he loves me, just simple words like you look beautiful, I love your hair like that, etc. instead I hear remarks like when do I start to go back to the gym, that makes me feel sooooo desired that you can’t imagine. We go out with his friends, but generally he doesn’t show much his affection. During a whole week end away with his friends I ‘ve spend more time with them that with him. When he come to my house we stay a little bit with my house mates and have a chat, after wards we go to my room watch some tv, stay on the computer, have sex, and he watches tv I go to sleep. We are only 25 years old and dating for 3 months, this shouldn’t be normal right.
I ‘ve talked about some of these with him and he told me that he had a 5 year relationship that ended badly and now he wants to wait before he can say he loves me, which, by the way I have never asked of him, because I am not sure I love him either, but deeply care about him, and maybe if all goes well I could love him…but at this pace, I don’t know anymore, and I feel very sad and disappointed.
I don’t know if that is the way it’s supposed to be if what I ‘m feeling is right or wrong so please comment on what I wrote maybe I can straighten my thoughts. Sorry if I haven’t been very clear with the story but thoughts seem to wonder everywhere when it comes to this part of my life.
Thank you!

[ashley89]

if you aren't happy then you should let him go and see what else is out there! you deserve to be told you're beautiful and feel that he truly cares about you. why stay in a relationship if you aren't happy? it's just a waste of your time and his

[xxazurexx]

He's there for the easy sex. And making do with you until something better comes along.

[SelflessnHumble]

Everything is quite clear to me: Nothing makes sense.
For starters, you've already slept with him. This is something you can never take back. Deep down he's lost some respect for you.
2nd, He told you flat out he had a long term relationship that ended badly: which is another way of saying HE still has issues with trust and "love."
He had no issue taking your virginity though, did he? Nope. A real man doesn't have sex with a woman until he truly loves her...no matter what
the worldly people in your circles may say.

The issue is: you've already given him sex: which means he doesn't really need, nor feel any incentive/motivation to treat you any
better, show you any affirmation of love (I doubt he loves you anyway) nor give you the attention you deserve...Why? SEX. That's why.

I'm willing to bet my beach front property in Arizona that if you stopped giving up sex to him: he would wonder why...
Then ask yourself WHY that would be? He doesn't love you! AND doesn't respect you either.

Unless he changes? It is all downhill from here.
Loving someone is VERY easy to do. He has issues with commitment and affirmation: you haven't enough experience to make the distinction about
love, and infatuation -a deduction from reading your post. You can't expect people to treat you a certain way if they don't want to...His choice.
Your choice (which was a huge mistake) was sleeping with him BEFORE you really got to know him, about his issues and his excuse for not letting go
of the pain and hurt his ex had "caused" him.

What to do?
Be patient and possibly wait until Jesus comes back (if you're religious) until he's ready for you OR?
Make better decisions based on reason and sanity, not based on emotions and feelings.

Don't forget: for a man with this kind of hang-up; Sex is an enjoyment, not an example of "love" nor of a serious, loving/committed relationship.
For a woman? Sex=the ultimate expression of her love for another man...