A bit confused, and playing with fire

[Cao Pi]

Howdy there

I want to ask the ladies of this forum about a situation that I'm having right now, so please any advice would be greatly appreciated!

There is this girl that I know for around 6 years and we've grown to be pretty close friends. We have a lot in common, get into deep, intimate discussions. She had a boyfriend in all the years that I've known her until recently, and even so during their relationship she would tell me how things are crumbling and how he doesn't appreciate her as much anymore. I don't believe that they are together anymore..

Anyway.. She always tells me how much she enjoys speaking to me, enjoys my company, and saying all these generally good things about me, and even says she thinks about me during the day. The thing that really has me questioning everything is the fact that most nights she texts me in the middle of the night, wanting my company and saying she feels lonely and wanted to hear from me. Sometimes we even stay on the phone all night long until we have to go to work/school the next morning.

I just don't know how to go about this right now. Yeah, I could have feelings for her, but I don't want to screw everything up.

So, based on what I said.. What do you all think I should do? Or how should I go about the situation? Is she playing with me and seeing my reactions to everything or what? I'm so confused..

[MerryH]

You could have feelings for her? Step one, I guess, should be to figure out if you really like her romantically. Then find out if she's still seeing that guy. If she's not and you want to take things further, then ask her out on a date.

[Cao Pi]

I just got out a long relationship and don't feel like being used/rejected again. I just really want to know what's going through her mind from a female perspective you know? She's not seeing that guy anymore btw. My main concern is ****ing up a 6 year long friendship.

[Aniphilia]

Dont do anything. Your both in what they call rebound mode. Not that your looking for that but thats the state she may be in. Keep eachother company on the phone if youd like, if not, back it off. From what you said it sounds like shes getting as much comfort as she can from you after her long relationship. Thats not necessarily a bad thing but I wouldnt let things get more involved.

[MynameisJesus]

I am not a female but...

I'm confused about your line " I could have feelings for her ". You either have them or you don't.
If you have always had them I wonder why you have taken the best friend route from the start.

Women are very good at figuring out what your intentions are. If you like her romantically, she probably knows
The things she said about you don't have any romantic value. She could say those things as a friend. Hard to tell.
But chances are she's picked up on your romantic interest and wants to know it for sure. Maybe because she feels the same way, or maybe because she just wants to know.

If she does feel the same way, she's afraid of messing up the friendship too and she's not going to tell you directly.
Be honest with yourself. If you're not sure about your feelings, I would back off.

You either want her or you don't. There is no maybe.
If you are in love, you have to tell her. If she says no, you might lose a "friend" which is painful but honest.
Playing the friend character when you're in love is a huge lie. I have done it too and it only brings misery

[Cao Pi]

I am sure of my feelings, I just don't want to admit them haha. Do I like her? Of course I do. Can I see us in a relationship? You bet. I'm treading lightly right now, and just seeing how things pan out.

Jesus, you're most likely correct about her not wanting to mess up the friendship and not telling me directly. I believe this because she's always afraid of leaving a bad impression on me even though I always tell her otherwise. I know that for a fact.

I do want her. She's been very good to me over the years, and I can clearly see that she is genuine, though I still feel a bit uneasy about the whole thing.

[MynameisJesus]

I am sure of my feelings, I just don't want to admit them haha. Do I like her? Of course I do. Can I see us in a relationship? You bet. I'm treading lightly right now, and just seeing how things pan out.

Jesus, you're most likely correct about her not wanting to mess up the friendship and not telling me directly. I believe this because she's always afraid of leaving a bad impression on me even though I always tell her otherwise. I know that for a fact.

I do want her. She's been very good to me over the years, and I can clearly see that she is genuine, though I still feel a bit uneasy about the whole thing.

3 years ago I was in your spot. I had never had a girlfriend because I had insecurities and never managed to admit my true feelings. At a certain moment there was a girl in my class that I was very attracted to. She was super confident, a bit cocky to be honest. But we were friends I thought. We went out a lot, and she told me how special I was. That she couldn't understand that I had never had a GF because I was so goodlooking and caring etc.
She told me ALL her private stuff. About her sex life too. I thought "this has to mean she wants me.. I am the guy she needs to change her life" but I never told her that because I wasn't very sure

What was really going on is that her overconfidence was what attracted me because she filled my gap.
We started as friends too and when I got these very intense feelings for her, I couldn't take the lieing anymore and I had to tell her.
So I did, but it was so hard so I emailed her.

I mailed her how special I found her. That I had never had that feeling for someone before but that I was very afraid of losing our friendship because of this.

I waited and waited. No reply. I always thought she didn't want to hurt me or didn't know what to say. 2 weeks later it turned out that my whole class knew about it. She had told all of them.
I gave a lot of value to our friendship, but it turned out she told her private stuff to everyone and just enjoyed that fact that some people listen to it. Now I had admitted my feelings, it turned out we weren't even friends and she barely ever spoke to me again

My point is that in your head, you are filling in what she thinks. Because it seems so obvious to you that you know what she is thinking. Wishful thinking that is.
If you don't communicate with her face to face, you will never know what she thinks. I was 180° wrong with my thinking about girls, because I never asked. Fear of failure, women spot this and it turns them off.

There is a very big chance she sees you as a friend. Or maybe not even a friend but a tool to use when she has stuff on her mind. Therefore I advise you to be cautious when you tell her. Don't go like " I love you, my life depends on you, I can't live without you "
More like " you are special to me and I started to feel more for you because I find you beautiful "
Emailing or texting is easy but a recipe for failure. Because they can be misinterpreted. You have to tell her in some way. If she feels the same way, you'll have to face her anyway and take the hurdle of getting physical. It is exciting and hard to do. But you have to take that hurdle

I know it's hard but it should be playful and not nerve wrecking