I have a question for you dudes!

[ashley89]

well I guess females can answer this question too, but I say it's for the guys since I'm a girl and I want to know what guys would be thinking in this situation... ANYWAYS

as you probably have seen in other posts of mine, I'm going through a tough breakup, my boyfriend of 14 months dumped me randomly about a week ago after saying he simply fell out of love with me, didn't see us being together forever and things "changed". completely blindsided me, we tried talking for a few days to "work things out" but us talking was making it worse so we completely cut it off and haven't talked since Wednesday. it sucks.

back to my question... so I'm wondering since I have never broken up with anybody... do you think he feels bad and is hurting in his own way? or he just broke up with me and is fine? I just am so curious as to what is going on in his head, and it feels like how can I be going through so much pain and heartache and him just have nothing? I wanna hear from guys who have broken up with a girl, why you guys broke up and how you felt afterwards... just out of curiosity and for my own interests. but any girls who have been in the situation can answer too thanks for helping me out

[SelflessnHumble]

He is doing just fine without you.
He told you the straight up truth which is the proper way to break up with someone.

He's now thinking about the hot blonde he sees everyday at the same bus stop.
He isn't too concerned with how you feel because it's not his problem.

[xxazurexx]

I know it sucks, but because he broke up with you and a reason for that being, he claims not to love you anymore, he's likely not feeling an ounce of remorse or guilt.

When people break up with you and just like that, you can usually guarantee there is another female/or a new love interest in the picture.

Only time will tell and what he truly felt for you.

[thundersw]

Probably he's just ok, he was assertive with you and walked way.
You should move on too, don't waste your time wondering "IF or WHY".

[ashley89]

He is doing just fine without you.
He told you the straight up truth which is the proper way to break up with someone.

He's now thinking about the hot blonde he sees everyday at the same bus stop.
He isn't too concerned with how you feel because it's not his problem.

haha well thank you for the honesty. the only thing I disagree with was that he broke up with me the proper way. what he did was he started acting like an asshole to me for no reason, so after a few times I confronted him about his behavior, then I had to pull teeth to finally get him to say he was "falling out of love" but still wanted to work on things. he then ignored me for 4 days until I finally got him to talk to me about WTF was going on, this time he now told me he didn't love me but after a long talk wanted to work things out and take it day by day, 3 days later of talking just on friendly terms I decided I wasn't playing the in between bullshit game so I basically had to accept that it was over. so he made me end my own relationship that I didn't want to. a cowardly and pathetic way to dump someone you've been with for over a year in my opinion

[xxazurexx]

^That is what a lot of men will do. Fck you around and piss you off and so that you end it. Saves them having to do the dirty work.

[Take2]

Ashley, my ex-husband of 10 years took the same path to break up with me! But I made him say it. Then I shocked him by not responding how he imagined, instead of weeping and begging I stayed calm and rational and asked him to work with me to fix what was making him unhappy. He said no, I said I couldn't make a marriage work without his help, so I accepted his decision even though I didn't agree with it. Threw him for a loop and gave me th more solid footing. Does he regret leaving me? Probably not. But I can tell you that it un-nerved him to see me happy and thriving without him. Guys like him need to feel they are needed and he wanted power in the breakup. I couldn't make him want me back or work on us, and whining and crying would just have given him the driver's seat. Which he didn't deserve, the coward. So I just took the reins and it helped my recovery.

I say all this to recommend the same tactics to you. Keep your head high. Do not grovel or beg. When he sees you, if he does, you need to look amazing and be so in love with your life you can hardly remember your time with him or imagine why you ever wanted him. So let that be your goal, to get to that place. You can do it, it will happen in time anyway, just hasten it any way you can. It's the only thing that can possibly feel good about being dumped: the revenge ot a well-lived life!

[ashley89]

Ashley, my ex-husband of 10 years took the same path to break up with me! But I made him say it. Then I shocked him by not responding how he imagined, instead of weeping and begging I stayed calm and rational and asked him to work with me to fix what was making him unhappy. He said no, I said I couldn't make a marriage work without his help, so I accepted his decision even though I didn't agree with it. Threw him for a loop and gave me th more solid footing. Does he regret leaving me? Probably not. But I can tell you that it un-nerved him to see me happy and thriving without him. Guys like him need to feel they are needed and he wanted power in the breakup. I couldn't make him want me back or work on us, and whining and crying would just have given him the driver's seat. Which he didn't deserve, the coward. So I just took the reins and it helped my recovery.

I say all this to recommend the same tactics to you. Keep your head high. Do not grovel or beg. When he sees you, if he does, you need to look amazing and be so in love with your life you can hardly remember your time with him or imagine why you ever wanted him. So let that be your goal, to get to that place. You can do it, it will happen in time anyway, just hasten it any way you can. It's the only thing that can possibly feel good about being dumped: the revenge ot a well-lived life!

why are guys such douchebags? I'm trying to remain calm as much as I can, even though it's hard. I've been going out having fun with my friends, I put some pictures up on facebook from my past birthday weekend and I really think not contacting him has been the best thing to do. you're right, begging and pleading does nothing, it only pushes the person farther away and makes you look desperate and clingy. it's just so hard. I wish I could be past this right now and look back on it and laugh

[SelflessnHumble]

A change in behavior like that usually means he met someone else and that he honestly did care for you...but his wants were obviously more important than yours.
Perhaps he didn't know how to handle it -it's no excuse you have to force someone to admit the truth; BUT give the guy some credit for actually doing it.
Have you ever known someone that would still deny video-graphic evidence of them doing something? I have -the worst kind of people because they will use
your own words as the basis for why THEY lie...not cool...

When someone says they don't love you: they don't. Saying he wanted to work things out usually indicates YOU like him way more than he likes you and
when I would lie and say the same; I did it for the sole purpose of letting them down easy: because I was too much of a coward to face the truth and sever ties like a man should.
He didn't make you end your own relationship: IT was over period. I've been "done" much worse and I was with someone for many years. Don't sweat the details.
He doesn't love you: so get your closure so you can find someone who does.

[ashley89]

yeah he just sucks. UGH

[ashley89]

maybe I should just turn over to the other side and become a lesbian. hahaha

[EnemyOfMyEnemy]

It's not just guys who are douchebags Ashley, I've just had pretty much the same thing but in reverse and I know for a fact she is thriving without me. You keep your head high, you have a good time, and it never hurts to have someone damn hot hanging off your arm next time they see you