How can i get him to take me back? help :(

[beejayx0]

my exboyfriend and i were together for 6 years (i know, forever) and we broke up the other night because we fight ALOT over some of the stupidest things. and ill admit i have a serious anger problem i get so mad so quickly and take it out on him. I regret everything i did wrong and i wish i could of controlled my anger sooner. So he broke up with me because he's tired of fighting and i dont blame him but i need him back. Im a changed person and i need him to see it and take me back so we can start over and just be happy. I love him and i know he loves me and cares about me but i know he just needs space right now.. i got him to promise to talk to me in a few weeks to at least hear me out but he said "i cant promise that anything will come of it" .. he says he's done for good and that he doesnt think that this can be fixed but i think he's only saing that because he's still mad and things are still fresh (this happen only a few nights ago)

he said he doesnt want me to hate him and he wants us to be peaceful with eachother and i agreed to that but if he doesnt take me back i dont understand how he expects me to not be mad at him for it..

In the beginning of our relationship he was a real jerk (cheated & treated me horribly) and when i finally got fed up with it 2 years later i broke up with him and he begged me to take him back and let him prove that he chnged and he wont ever do that again and i gave him a chance.. and now that i've messed up i think its only fair and right that i get a chance to prove that i deserve another chance.

I know i messedup and i hate myself for it but i need him back, ive never been so sure about something. I need him back asap. I agreed to give him some space and hope that he calms down.

I just dont know what to do i feel like if i leave him alone, that when we meet up to talk he'll just turn me down.. and i honestly cant handle it.

[xxazurexx]

So you broke up the other night and you claim to be a changed person? A 'changed' person and since when and people don't change overnight...especially if they have 'anger' problems. I think that before you can procllaim to have changed and before you expect this guy to believe you have changed, you need to have some 'therapy'.

Sometimes, change can come 'too little, too late'...the damage has been done and cannot be fixed.

[HeartIsAching]

To be perfectly frank, you're not a changed person.

This is part of what they term the "cycle of violence" - make no mistake, violence isn't just physical. You continue to do it because you have had no serious consequences for your actions. Now that you have, you're superficially contrite, but if he takes you back again, the consequences go away, and you WILL do it again.

Bravo for him realizing this and opting out of a cycle that will simply repeat.

If you really want to make a change, get some counseling. There are lots of options out there. He might even take you back if you tell him (and follow through!) on getting some help while doing it.

[sweetkissesforu]

The only way to change is maybe grow up a little it would seem you are very immature in the relationship stop sounding so desparate

[girl68]

I agree you have not changed. If you want him to see your change be active about doing something claiming "I'm changed" is cheap talk.

[HeartIsAching]

I think you guys are over reacting here, she's not betraying her bf or whatever just calm down!!!

I guess your bf must had done something to make you become like this? Is there anything that you haven't raised in here? I think the reason that he cheated in you before is a good one for you to lose respect in him seriously, it's good job that you can forget that hmmm

Yup... absolutely. Her abusive behavior is his fault. Nice one.

[hello1]

You two are not good for each other. He cheated on you, now you gave him another chance but obviously it built up resentment in your head and you took out everything on him. Being in a abusive relationship is very draining, he left and good for him. I think you both need to move on from each other, you both made mistakes

[Heartache]

If you do not wish to give up, maybe you can try to self improve yourself 1st and do what you like on your own... This may be a good time to stand back and give each other time to really think about this relationship.

[xxazurexx]

I think you guys are over reacting here, she's not betraying her bf or whatever just calm down!!!

I guess your bf must had done something to make you become like this? Is there anything that you haven't raised in here? I think the reason that he cheated in you before is a good one for you to lose respect in him seriously, it's good job that you can forget that hmmm

She can't forget that and hasn't been able to for the past 4 years since she chose to take him back after he cheated.....hence is probably the reason for her anger.

Since she took him back and if she wasn't dealing with the fact he cheated very well (anger, etc), if she wanted this relationship to work, then she should have sought counselling for herself or both of them back then. If she wasn't dealing very well with what he did, finding it hard to forgive....she shouldn't have taken him back or she should have ended it, rather than continue to give this guy a life of hell about what he did.

SHE CHOSE TO TAKE HIM BACK, knowing he cheated.

Because she chose to take him back, this past 4 years has likely been stormy and for them both, he has left again and she claims to have changed and out of desperation for him back.

People don't change overnight, is the point I was making !!

[HeartIsAching]

Ever heard don't jump to conclusion too early before you know the story? Or you had an abusive partner!

No, supergenius. Regardless of her so-called justification, she chose to be abusive.. He does not MAKE her be abusive. Whatever choices he made, her abuse is her problem. It chased him away, and now she's regretting that choice. Boo Hoo.

[xxazurexx]

If you decide to take someone back and knowing they are a jerk and they are a cheater and to give them a 'second chance' as she declared she wanted too....then a second chance is what you should be prepared to give!! You forgive, try to forget and let the past go!! You don't keep banging on and years down the line and keep bringing it up in his face or else, yes....this will all take a toll on your relationship and he will eventually walk away.

And if this guy has still been continuing to act a jerk over this past four years, giving her cause to be angry.....then she always had a choice to walk away, rather than choose to be angry at him.

Something tells me this problem is HERS, not his. If he was that big of a twat, why does she so desperately want him back??? So she can continue to 'nag' him and be angry with him?

I blame her and for this relationship ending, not him.

If she had came to this forum four years back and asked 'Should I give him a second chance'....I'd have recommended 'no' and based on the fact he was a jerk, a cheater and because having been in this kind of situation, I know how difficult it is to forgive a cheater.

Once trust is gone, you have NOTHING. And you are best off walking away for good.

[Cinnabella]

You know why she stayed? It's probably she loved him so much, the pain had been dragged along and she probably realised that from his betrayment. Sometimes ppl was curious about why a person would take the betrayer back, I did too, but I know now.

You r right though she should try to forget and forgive, but ever heard women can forgive not forget? Well the betraying is the worst hurt in a person's life :-)

[xxazurexx]

You know why she stayed? It's probably she loved him so much, the pain had been dragged along and she probably realised that from his betrayment. Sometimes ppl was curious about why a person would take the betrayer back, I did too, but I know now.

You r right though she should try to forget and forgive, but ever heard women can forgive not forget? Well the betraying is the worst hurt in a person's life :-)

Oh puleasssse, we know why she stayed. She may well have loved him, but love isn't enough and for a relationship to work. Relationships are built on trust and if you don't have that...you have zilch!!!

I speak through experience - been there and done that and that is why I would advise that nobody ever take a cheater back. It rarely works out.

I have taken back a cheater and while it was easy to forgive, I couldn't forget and yeah, I'd throw it up in his face and almost everytime we argued. I'm guilty of doing what the OP did and does, but finally saw sense and knew that this man was no good for me and I didn't run back for another chance saying I'd changed and when we split....I let the cheating asshole go!!....

OP came here and didnt make an issue of the fact he cheated....she came here and told us she had anger issues, that she'd split with her boyfriend and she'd changed and all within a few days. Which is why I'd initially chose not to mention the cheating, or reasons for her anger, but instead gave her the reply that people with anger issues, don't change overnight.

And she never came back to respond.....

[Cinnabella]

It's true that a cheater will always a cheater, and I wish people can be strong and not hurt like this when it comes to love. Seriously!

I Still think her anger was raised up the cheating in every fight, we all do it. As you said forgive but not forget. What a ****ing life.