Would Like To Know What You'd Think In The Following Situations Please!

[MiWatt]

I'm in a crappy situation with a girl I've known (and REALLY liked) for a year now. We're VERY close friends, but that's the problem - we're friends and I doubt (though I'm not certain) that she thinks of me in any other way. I know you should never tell a friend you like her in that way; that I should flirt instead and see how she reacts if I want the relationship to go further, but I just want to be honest with her and I'm hopeless at flirting anyway. I'm telling her so I can get some closure and to move on, not because I want to get anything from her. Anyhow, it would be really helpful to know what she'd think and how she'd react, just so I know what to expect and how to deal with it, so imagine your closest (or one of your closest) guy friends doing the following and tell me what you think you'd think/do in that situation. I'd really appreciate it!

1. Receiving a text with the message that he'd really like to talk to you about something. What would cross your mind? How would you reply if you were into him/not into him?

2. Being told that he really liked you as more than a friend if you were expecting/not expecting it?

3. What kind of things would he have to say to maximize his chances with you/not freak you out/not risk ruining the friendship?

4. Would you feel in any way betrayed by him?

Thanks!

[girl68]

1. Receiving a text with the message that he'd really like to talk to you about something. What would cross your mind? How would you reply if you were into him/not into him?

2. Being told that he really liked you as more than a friend if you were expecting/not expecting it?

3. What kind of things would he have to say to maximize his chances with you/not freak you out/not risk ruining the friendship?

4. Would you feel in any way betrayed by him?

Thanks!

1) text message cop out- I probably wouldn't respond and avoid him.
2)when he told me his feelings I'd be like "AWKWARD" and avoid him.
3)he can't say anything to make it less AWKARD and I'd avoid him.
4)yes, and I would then avoid him.

No good will come from this. Your friendship will go down the drain, she will avoid you most likely and your friendship from this point on will be walking on eggshells. I suggest YOU avoid HER until you have gotten rid of these feelings and never, ever speak to her regarding these feelings.

[MiWatt]

Agreed. Still going to do it though. I need to know in order to move on, I won't get over her if I keep seeing her and if I suddenly stop seeing her without giving her a reason, then I'm just an asshole.

P.S. I don't consider the text message a cop out - it was only to let her know I have something to tell her. I didn't actually confessing any feelings - I'll do that in person like a man. The text was essentially to trap me into actually telling her instead of avoiding it out of fear, and hopefully to prepare her for something that might freak her out if it just came out of the blue. Also, she did reply. She told me she was intrigued and that she'd come and see me, and she included some freakin' SMILEYS too. My guess is this means she didn't really get what I was getting at, but at least she didn't just avoid me as you would have done.

[girl68]

So you're honestly willing to let the friendship go becasue of this?

[MiWatt]

Obviously I'd prefer not to, but being in the "friend zone" is the most painful experience known to man and I want out. Either I go down the flirting/touching (which I'm no good at) and BS mind games route, or I just flat out tell her how I feel - honestly, tactfully, and with concern for her feelings as well as mine, and then hopefully, once I know for sure, either move in or move on. I think that's reasonable. What other options do I have? Not doing anything and letting it tear me apart? Cutting off all contact without an honest explanation? No thanks. All things considered, I'm forced into doing this by the situation (not by her) and any considerations regarding our friendship don't even come into it. All I want to know is the best way to tell her without hurting her and our relationship. If that's impossible then so be it, but if not I'd really appreciate any advice.

[girl68]

You're clearly dead set in your ways goodluck.

[ammi00]

Go for it and tell her how you feel. You'll know if it's either black or white, which will only help you. Who knows? You might be lucky and have a nice relationship with her, or you can find out that all you'll ever be for her is a friend, so you'll move on and eventually find someone else who's going to want more than a friendship.

[xxazurexx]

Because he's a close guy friend and has been for a year, would mean that is all he is to me....a 'close' friend. If I thought of him as anything more, I'd have made it known to him and after all this time.

I'm usually good at sensing and if guys are interested and so if I received an email saying you'd like to talk, I'd probably know why and if I didn't view you in 'that' way I'd likely avoid this talk. Obviously and if I'm into you, I'd be up for the talk.

If he told me he was into me and I wasn't into him, I'd be straight with him. I'd tell him that I understood we were just friends and that is the way I'd like to leave it.
If I'm into him, I will confess I feel the same.

There is nothing he could say or do that would make me view him as bf material and if I'm not feeling it in that way....he has no chance with me.
He wouldn't really have anything to say to hang onto the friendship, because I'd understand and do understand that sometimes one sided feelings can develop - however, I would feel uncomfortable and from henceforth, but I'd hope you understood that I didn't see you in the same way and that you didn't mention it again....else you may lose my friendship.

No I wouldn't feel betrayed at all. I'd be understanding, even if it had made me somewhat uncomfortable.

My personal view is, go for it and let her know. No harm in being straight and letting her know how you are feeling....and at least you will know where you stand.

[ammi00]

Personally, I would feel more betrayed if he would allow this "friendship" to continue and if he'd hide his real feelings. I'd think that all that time, he wasn't my friend uncoditionally and that he was expecting/ hoping something in return.
I avoid having close male friends, but if one would tell me that we need to talk, probably I would suspect that he wants more from me. Another thing I could think about is that he's having problems, but with someone (or something) else, and he needs my opinion.
If I would suddenly find out that he likes me more than a friend, and my feelings wouldn't be the same, I would distance myself from him.

[red_sparrow]

You must not be her type. If you were, you'd have long been out of the friend zone.