First time poster here - need advice!

[freshstart81]

Hello all, this is my first post but I am in need of some real advice here. Just over 7 months ago I finally managed to break free from a terrible relationship with an adulterous alcoholic who's actions very nearly resulted in Social Services becoming involved in the welfare of our children (Her alcohol related issues). I will not go into details here but it was a really bad few years of my life. The end result is that I have our children full time as well as a full time job and most definitely my hands full.

Fast forward to 4 months ago and I had the chance to go out for a night with some of the guys from work where I met a lady, now I took my time and we dated, and we had both been married and things were going very very well. It showed me that not all women were "bad" and I eventually bit the bullet and started developing feelings for her. I met her children and she met mine. Everything was going well and she told me that she loved me and if I am completely honest I felt the same way. It was like someone had lifted me out of the darkness!

The downside is... it turns out that during the whole of our relationship she had been messaging a guy at her work and the messages had become very rude, very explicit and at her Christmas party they kissed. I found out when she left a list of messages on my laptop. I confronted her and forgave her but on talking she told me with complete honesty (as that is our policy) that had I not found out it would have probably carried on. Now I know it was only a kiss but I feel devastated, we have seen each other since but I can't help but feel insecure and worried that I may end up in another relationship where I end up getting hurt and messed around.

Please help (both early 30's btw))

[sookie6]

Honestly this is a very bad sign...If i understand well she has been flirting consistently with someone from work and even kissed him over the whole 4 months you've been together???

It's deceit I'm afraid and at ealry 30s she should know better.

She has not followed the complete honesty police you've established...

Don't you know that a liar will always be a liar...whatever the deal with this other guy she was stringing you along making you belive that your relationship was exclusive...

This relaiotnship has helped you in many ways but maybe she is not the one...

If she wanted a stable future for hers and your children she should have been more responsible...find yourself a grounded woman.

[smackie9]

Unfortunately women in her position look for a stable man so they can go out and screw around and escape from the responsibilities of raising children. Get out while you can. Dating is just the roll of the dice, you win some you lose some, a crap shoot. You have to kick some tires to find the right one.....so don't get discouraged with your search. Like sookie6 said, find yourself a more grounded woman......you will find her eventually, don't give up.

[sookie6]

You have to kick some tires to find the right one.....

Women here say 'you have to kiss some ugly toads before finding your charming prince'

[HeartIsAching]

Unless you like having relationships with an adulterer, drop her. It's symptomatic.

[RockNRoll]

Normally, if a woman says "I love you" to one man, she doesn't kiss and continuesly flirt with anyone else. She just doesn't want it.

Did you agree to be exclusive? Did she tell you honestly what she is looking for in relationship (with you and in general)? She doesn't sound that honest, trustworthy and responsible.