Need advice on Bizarre situation: Please help!

[OrionEyes]

I know its a big story but anyone kind enough to comment on it will have my great gratitude, and I wont hesitate to help you with my vision should you ask me, despite my inexperience Ill try to return the favor.


First a little something about me:

im 18,5 years old, and a virgin (never even kissed a girl, shock-horror-shock)


Now here's my problem:

Ive always been incredibly insecure and nervous with girls. Been in love a couple of times, but never did a girl feel the same way. Or I simple lacked any courage. But over the last year, things have slightly improved. But awkwardly.

I got out of school a year and a half ago, and about 7 months ago, i got my first full-time job.
Everything went well, until about 3 months ago. Then, i got a new collegue, and she was breathtaking from the day i met her. We worked very closely together, and she turned out to be a nice girl. my job (we get to talk alot since theres little supervision and we need to work closely) was suddenly a lot more fun.
I talked alot and laughed alot with her, as i shared all my funny experiences with her. Then after about a week i started thinking about her more than before, and how i liked her. It all made me feel good.
This went on for two more weeks, and things only got more fun, and then i realised i was very attracted to her. She seemed kindof shy and i was about the only one she seemed to have fun with.

That friday i noticed my feelings for her grew insanely, and that weekend i was so in love i couldent eat sleep or think about anything else but her. I have never been so in love, even though i dont even know her that well.

It seemed the more i wanted to have fun and the more i tried, the less it worked. I also found myself creating conversations in my head, and looking at her almost contstantly, feeling angry and envious every time someone else caught her attention. I knew it was wrong.

That week did we get a host of new collegue's amongst which a 30 year old guy (handsome, player-type) which seemed to be directly interested in her, and her back. I felt sick with envy, and on one occasion she explained something to me when he was sitting next to her, and i noticed they exchanged secret notes.
I felt physicallt sick for the rest of the day, broken, shattered like never before.

But that was hardly the end of it. Even though i cursed them both (which they didnt deserve) i couldent help but fall for her everytime she looked or talked to me. A week of agony passed.
Then another guy showed interest in her and she told him more about herself than me. I felt sick again. She almost seemed to avoid me.

Things finally calmed after a week or two of nerves, pain and envy (I had to take calming pills just to be able to work) we seemed relaxed about it but then i made the same mistake again.

I was in love, but reasonably relaxed. I felt as if she was telling everyone about herself and sharing personal things except me. I figured I had nothing really interesting to tell to such a popular girl.

Then things turned very, very ugly.
I started telling her some lies, making my life seem more interesting than it actually was. It went from bad to worse. She took alot more interest in me than before.
To make her envious, I made up a girl, with whom i had sex, and alot of fun. I started saying i went to big parties, and had more fun, with more girls.
The bigger and more extravagant the lies became, the bolder the things i dared to say to her, and she did find me very interesting (i challenged her by acting like i received sexy messages and ran to the toilet to answer them, etc). I made whole non-existant friends and girls, a whole life which i didnt lead.(didnt tell her alot of details) And it had its effect.

My confidance was boosted beyound my wildest expectations. I now find myself making funny remarks and jokes with a sexual double meaning all the time, and teasing her with her (enormous) cup size. She seems to like joking around with the new me, saying she 'never knew i was like that' and its happened once or twice we both got so crazy while talking and joking we almost completely forgot we were supposed to be working. not so good.

Now she thinks im some kind of master seducer, (and first pretended to be shy and innocent), since i have the behavior that would suit such a life, and enough balls to say almost anything to her. I even got to touch her behind... I have no idea where that side of me suddenly came from. On top of that, im still deeply in love, but it seems to hurt me less when she's talking to other guys. She's absolute not shy at all, and seems to be the most popular person i've ever met. Everyone loves her, and knows something about her i dont so it seems. very secretive and inquisitive girl.

Please help me! Even though through the enormous amount of lies, i can get closer to her, and get to know her better, and get the balls to tease her sexually which i never dared (and which, i have to admit excites me more than anything ive ever experienced) i have never been like this and i dont know where it all came from or if i can keep it up, or achieve anything at all with it! She doesnt seem in love but obviously impressed with my 'seductive skill' bizarre!

PS. (She is now away for a week, and i left with her and me standing alone in the subway, i said 'goodbye' and then moved my mouth an inch from hers and said 'goodbye kiss' then didnt kiss her. I think she liked me doing that....)



I will give any additional information if you think it will allow you to better understand the situation. Just ask.



Thank you very much for reading.

[misombra]

you are not in love with this person. you are obsessed with her. whatever chances you had with her you blew it by lying to her. if a person likes you she will like you for who you are. right now she likes who you're pretending to be. don't worry, there will many more opportunities and many more girls out there for you to have a chance with. heed my advice, don't lie, especially about things like that. have you heard the expression, "what a tangled web we weave...". yeah, you're weaving the web.

[abercromqt20]

i agree..... the only chance in hell you have is to straight out come clean with her and see what she says. right now she likes this character you have created. but that doesn't mean she didn't like the old you b4. you said above that there was something there you just failed to act on it. if you ever want anything with this girl you have to come clean.....case closed!

[Tearslost]

everyone makes up lies about there lifes. People living 24 hr party lives dont have it any better. If she likes to play sexually or talk that way and you feel that is a benefical way to get to her go ahead.

Some things in life just arent worth it though.

[OrionEyes]

I agree with you all, though the obsession seems to become less... its almost as if im believing my own lies, and become stronger through them. I have to admit though, its given me so much strenght and confidance i can achieve things i never believed i could. suddenly im almost a ladies man, to my own disbelief. im very much enjoying this game and so is she. Thats the problem, i dont think i could just come out clean, ( its as addicting as any drug! ) i know for sure she'll tell the whole office, its a very nasty situation to be in at work....
(I have her address, im planning on writing her a letter when she's left in a couple of months, giving the truth about everything) Ive told her numerous times not to take me all that seriously. Its a game but I fear im risking alot.

And also, im not sure if I actually want a relation with her. we just dont seem to be meant for eachother. (she likes the same music and thats just about it, plus she's a christian and im not and im NOT gonna marry in a church) she's a nice girl but she's nice to everyone, and i know she talks more personal stuff to other guys than me, most of our conversations are about her breasts as a result :S:S) and connects much more with the person im acting to be (who I wish I were) than the real (I dont know whats real anymore) me. Remember SHE actually believes im a very experienced guy with a huge social circle!!!

Core of it all: I have become addicted to acting on a basis of lies!

[King Zarathu]

First off, this isn't love, it is known as INFATUATION. Basically you are obsessed. This obsession can disappear just as quickly as it came.

Secondly, I have a new philosophy you're going to live by. I want you to go get a rubber band. Nice and thick. Thick enough to inflict some serious pain on your body. Wear it as a bracelet on your right hand (or left). Ok, now, next time you catch yourself lying, I want you to take that rubber band and flict yourself with it as hard as you can. Then, think about what the TRUTHFUL answer is, and while thinking about it kiss the spot on your body where the pain is.

It's called "Radical Truth." You do not tell another lie again, ever. You don't hide anything, you completely share your feelings and the way you think.

Now, I don't want to get you in trouble, so when you're with this chick, lie to a certain extent, but the newer things that come up--do not lie about.

If the truth hurts, change the truth..dick!

being 14 sucks sometimes..

[OrionEyes]

I know I ****ed up. I dont need you to tell me that.

Quote: 'Now, I don't want to get you in trouble, so when you're with this chick, lie to a certain extent, but the newer things that come up--do not lie about.'
Thats what I planned on doing, so i wont **** up any worse.


And you dont have to insult me, but if it'll make you feel better, go right ahead. I dont expect you to fully understand me or my situation.

The truth does hurt, and the lies have become my extacy.
Technically I am as experienced as a 14 year old, so you have a point there.

Thanks everyone, youre help and advice is much appreciated.

[abercromqt20]

Let us know what happens with this girl...... i'm interested in knowing how this situation plays out!

[Tearslost]

Everyone likes to play the game. the only ones that dont are the ones who have been hurt by it. Theres nothing wrong with you though for being just a normal guy. not everyone in life is a pornstar theres lots of people out there that like think everyone is having a better time in life than them, but they arent.

Just remember as long as you have yourself. No one matters. there ideology or beliefs only effect you if you let it. So you can choose to be happy and enjoy life or you can be afraid to live. Most of us dont have much time left so id advise you to live life now and not wait for some magic incident to happen.

[King Zarathu]

Technically I am as experienced as a 14 year old, so you have a point there.

Not necessarily...

you dont have to insult me

I'm sorry! I didn't mean for you to take it that way...

but if it'll make you feel better

no i kinda dislike it actually.

[Marlo]

Dating someone you work with is very difficult. I don't recommend it AT ALL. If you were to date, then break up, you would still have to see her everyday. You think it's hard now, it would be 10 times as hard then.

[OrionEyes]

Firstly id like to comment on your post, tearslost:

Everyone likes to play the game. the only ones that dont are the ones who have been hurt by it

true, i certainly would hesitate alot if i hurt her or someone else with this situation. lets hope i dont maneuvre myself into a position where such is inevitable.

Theres nothing wrong with you though for being just a normal guy. not everyone in life is a pornstar theres lots of people out there that like think everyone is having a better time in life than them, but they arent.

most people are in fact living normal, not neccesarilly exiting, lives. there are only a few who would have such a way of living i guess... It depends on how paranoid and afraid of the world you are as well.
i know tons of people who try to make their lives look greater than they really are but then again so am i right now. is it really better to be hated for what you are than loved for what youre not? where do you draw the line?

Just remember as long as you have yourself. No one matters. there ideology or beliefs only effect you if you let it. So you can choose to be happy and enjoy life or you can be afraid to live.

very true and beautiful statement, after all it is you who you will have to live with yourself always. You can spend half your life being worried or looking backward feeling sad because you think you could have done it better. like i do. or you can just look on the bright side and be happy with yourself and enjoy life as much as possible.


LTsK8eR2gO... calling me a 14-your old isnt an insult to me, its the sad and bitter truth. think i would be right here right now and a virgin if i could do it over since then? sorry... calling me a dick just seemed like an insult i guess... lets not waste any more time discussing it. i dont really care anymore anyways.


secondly, ive formulated some of the feeling that makes me so uncomfortable into a couple of question... maybe it be fun just to mention them and see what people think of it. maybe youve wondered about similar things.

1) Is it ethically wrong if she falls in love in this situation? not likely, but think a bout it. remember she actually believes im a guy that does girl for fun with those who feel the same. which is a disgusting lie of course.
2) This role feels so natural and is so much fun im starting to wonder about who I really am. is this a part of my personality or just a strange response to an even stranger situation?
3) She did the same thing to me once.. when she was very tired i asked her what she did last night she said 'nothing for children' so i had to make myself look less childish, whatever she meant.
4) what would be the difference between an obsession, infation, and actually being 'in love' i have my thoughts, but like to know others' as well.
5) we both enjoy this game. so is it wrong? or only when someone gets hurt and personal feelings get involved?

no need to react to all this in one post... just whatever you find interesting. if you need clarification, let me know.

[Tearslost]

well if you want to play like that its ok. BUt lies have a tendaciy to come back and bite you in your ass and the fact that the other one is the same way usually doesnt diminish the way they feel.

[OrionEyes]

Okay, just letting everyone know how the situation is now

I have told her everything. how much i love her, and how badly ive lied trying to attract her. she responded very well to it, and even though she said she's not in love with me, we have as much fun about the truth now as ive had with all those lies. actually, much more fun as she is more open now and we can talk and laugh about the whole situation! ive never talked so openly with a girl i like about it, the only problem is i like her too damn much, it affect my work negatively as I cant stop thinking about her there...

Thanks for everyone for the help, this one turned out great!

[III Angie III]

ORION: You are setting yourself up for heartache (by trying to involve yourself in a relationship with someone you work with.

In addition, you're risking being accused of Sexual Harassment in the workplace. Currently, it may appear as if she enjoys your flirting and/or sexual advances however, things could turn sour if she learns of your lies/deceit. Sexual harassment is defined as uninvited and/or unwelcome verbal or physical conduct directed at an employee because of his/her sex. Though in your case it sounds as if she is willing to instigate your verbal comments, sexual harassment is based on perception. Don't allow yourself to fall prey! Slowly ease yourself out of this situation.
Regardless, the last thing you should be trying to do is form a relationship built upon lies.