I Messed Up Big!

[gbman]

My girlfriend of 5 months dumped me for a number of reasons ... I have a drinking problem and blacked out on 3 ocasions embarasseed her and made her feel horrible. We fought about some small things too (I am super shy, I have social anxiety, etc) but we've always managed to overcome things. But this was the last straw ... I realize our break up is completely my fault and I have honestly given up drinking, I'm doing counselling and everything. We met for breakfast today and I poured my heart out to telling her I love her unconditionally and despite that we are not together right now because of my issues I am working on them. She agreed to still hang out with me as friends so I can actually prove to her that I wont be the piece of shit I have been for the past 2 months. She said she still cares about me but can't be in a relationship with someone who drinks and acts the way I. I have not alway been this way, some stressful things happend in my life recently and thats when I changed. Although she knows I still love her and believes me that I am going to change for the better, she told me not to get my hopes up about getting back together

She doesn't have feeling for anyone else and just wants to be alone for a while but she still has feelings for me. Do any of you think theres hope that we could get back together? Or is the damage to sevre?

Please any advice or words of encouragment would be appriciated. I just feel awful for ruining a relationship with the most absolute perfect woman

[qwertz]

I would say the fact that she has agreed to hang out with you suggests she may be open to more than just friendship but doesnt want to give you encouragment in case you havent changed.
I suggest you carry on as you are with the no drinking and get help for the issues that made you drink in the first place. All you can do is sort yourself out and hope that is enough for her. But dont do it because you want to get back with her, you need/should be doing it for yourself.

[gbman]

thank you so much qwertz! i really needed someone to say something to me. i agree with you though i think she may be open to getting back together in the future. and i am doing it for me ... i can't love myself like this and i can't expect anyone else to ... shes my motivation though. again, thank you

[sweetkissesforu]

It takes time to heal and keep up what you are doing good luck

[girl68]

I think for now you just need to worry about 1 thing at a time. That one thing should be sobering up. Go to AA or whatever, and keep it up. Be her friend but ease up with the romance I love you crap. If she gives you a chance to prove that you're becoming a better person use that time to become a better person and not just the person she wants you to be.

She may or may not take you back either way you'll feel a 1000x better if you actaully focus on making yourself a better person.

[Raze]

^^ Good advice. Focus on sobering up and improving your life. Getting sober is the most important thing for you to do right now. Once you feel confident that it won't happen again, you can take things from there.

[gbman]

Thanks everybody for the quality advice. I know I can handel my drinking I have so much motivation to improve .... She aske me out for dinner tonight and she kissed me guys!!! She said she still felt strongly about me but was confused.... One of my friends said to take her out on dates and treat her special. Should I try that? Or should I give her space? Or both ... I am so confused I dont know if this is good or bad.

[Take2]

Giving her space would be best in many situations where she would need time to miss you and come back. But in this case, she actively loves you and wants to be with you, but is afraid of you behaving badly and/or losing sobriety. So I say you should spend time with her as she is willing to do so, show her your sober and well-behaved self and don't push her to react to that in any particular way. Just be the person you know you can be and let her gain confidence in that at her own pace.

[gbman]

for those of you still paying attention ... She said she doesn't want to be in a relationship at all right now ... Do you guys/girls think that it is because she can't trust me? Or that she is just tried of being with someone (which doesn't make sense to me; if someone makes you feel amazing why wouldn't you want to be with them right?) Also, we didn't see each other today and I didn't message her but she messaged me and she wants to hang out tomorrow ...... WTF is going on???? I'm confused ... Does she just want to be friends? Is she trying to re-kindle our relationship? Is she just ****ing with me cause she knows I bought her a $600 purse as an "I'm sorry gift"?

So shes the one who initiated the kiss (twice) and shes the one who wanted to spend time together.

But she also dumped me and said she doesnt want a relationship

[Take2]

Just a guess, she doesn't know what she wants, her heart says she wants to be with you and her head says you have serious issues and she should run. She is torn and is playing it by ear, hanging out with you to see if you follow through on your promises and mulling over whether she is comfortable giving it another go.

[girl68]

You're an idiot for buying her a $600 purse. That doesn't prove I'm sorry, at all. Prove your sorry by working on yourself. Where's the counseling? How often, what's it make you feel like? HOW have you changed? How are you going to conduct yourself when all your young friends are getting smashed?

You made her feel amazing yes, you also pissed her off, made her feel like crap, pissed her off, embarrassed her etc. That's why she doesn't want a relationship with you- she's remembering that.

[gbman]

to be fair i got the gift to be somewhat self-less. me drinking like crazy and acting like a prick was selfish of me. i didnt take her emotions into account. she knows i was saving up for a watch for myslef and with that cash i chose to buy her something i knew she really wanted. and all the things you said (girl68) i also already haven taken into considered. in our first conversation i told her that i didnt think we should be together either cause of my issues and that to allow me to prove may maturation and change by hanging out ... it may sound soon but this saturday her and i aand some friends are going out to a club ... this will be my big test but i am confident i wont touch a drink ... its not that i need to drink its that why i do drink i binge drink

[red_sparrow]

my friend has the same thing but she's still with the guy. i hope things don't escalate with him like they did in this relationship with you and your GF.

this happened once to her... however, the man doesn't drink often.