Did I sleep with him too soon?

[xxazurexx]

Girls, dont you feel so much better about relationships knowing theres guys like this out there...

LOL....he was telling some of us, nothing new and what we already know anyway.

Some men tend to think of women as thick - not all of us are

[Raze]

The art of keeping a girl around to screw when needed.


This is something I shamelessly do all the time. I have my good girl, the one I adore, but sometimes, you need to have something else on the side, the backup plan. I always have time for my good girl, but when there are those days when she does not want to put out, and you need to relieve some stress or just a good old fashioned blow out, you need to use the backup plan.

Now the backup plan will only work if you keep them close, not too close, but close enough. I have 3 different cell phones, my real phone and the 2 I use for the backup plan girls. I always try to keep in touch with my backup plan, just to string them along. Text them, say nice things, make them feel sexy, buy them things when I have to- to keep them sedated.

Reading this story from the OP, I feel its a backup plan.



Paul Cho

Backup plan? Oh, please. You don't "need" to have someone in your life. Backup plans are for those who are unwilling to trust the person they are with usually because they are so insecure about themselves or lack confidence in their ability to maintain a relationship. Backup plans are for emotionally immature and weak individuals who lack the balls to actually find a girl that they love and respect.

[Raze]

LOL....he was telling some of us, nothing new and what we already know anyway.

Some men tend to think of women as thick - not all of us are

The only stupid girls I've met were at my undergrad college. The art of the Cho would have worked then. In reality, it doesn't work unless you are attracting losers.

[China]

So I completely pulled back from him and he is still calling and came over yesterday so we could do Christmas...came over after work and cooked dinner and we exchanged gifts...he got me some spa type stuff (neck pillow, eye pillow etc) and a gift certificate to the spa.

I just don't get it.

[Gratedwasabi]

So I completely pulled back from him and he is still calling and came over yesterday so we could do Christmas...came over after work and cooked dinner and we exchanged gifts...he got me some spa type stuff (neck pillow, eye pillow etc) and a gift certificate to the spa.

I just don't get it.

So, look, our advice isn't written in stone. This guy might just be pulling what we perceive as player moves but he just wants to see you.

If he did all that with no sex, then I doubt he's a player.

Our advice is just that, advice. We're not there. We can't see what he's doing or his body language. We only have what you wrote. If it feels like he's not just using you and he cares about you, then he probably isn't and does.

[China]

I completely understand that....I was just looking for an unbiased opinion because I really didn't know what to think. At time he gives the impression that he legitimately wants to be with me and other times he seems to be distant but if I look at it objectively and look back at the beginning of this relationship there were times in the past where he acted similarly.

[xxazurexx]

You are just gonna have to wait and see and see what develops between you two.

Sometimes I think that guys may have been after sex.....but feelings can happen and they can grow.

I don't think we can just write men off and assume it's sex they are after. What we can do, is to judge them upon their ACTIONS afterwards. If you feel like you are being played, then you probably are. But if things are going the way one would expect and he's still being attentive, calling and texting regular, then he probably genuinely likes you.

[red_sparrow]

What Cho described is actually a practice used by women as well.. only not for sex. Women can date up to 3 guys at the same time (without sex) and then decide which to choose from.

[Yet another guy]

I can't speak for other men but if I'm dating someone, I'm after sex AND a relationship.

[China]

Realistically I overthink and overanalyze everything. I know I should let things progress and see what happens but I take everything and make it a worst case scenario. When I call him late at night he is often on the phone. He always answers though and tells me he is on the phone and calls me back within minutes. I have male friends who I am often on the phone with late at night so how can I judge? Today he said he is at a family gathering and watching football with his father tomorrow. I know he is close with his family but should I believe him or continue to imagine the worst.

When we did Christmas, he did not take the gift I gave him (I knew after I bought it that he may not use it) He said he liked it but it was not practical for him. I gave him some options (we could go together and exchange it for something else, he could tell me something he wanted, he could take it himself and exchange it) and he decided that we should go together. Then I had the idea of us going for massages together which he was excited about and we are supposed to do that.

[xxazurexx]

^The best thing you can do, is to trust him and what he says and until he ever gives you good cause/a definite reason to doubt him. I used to be like you, in that I have an overactive imagination and I'd imagine worse case scenarios in everything he did/said. But then I realised how totally ridiculous I was being in playing out all these scenes in my head which involved him and other women and when I had not one iota of definite proof!!!, lol. And I guess I just learned to adopt the attitude, 'what will be, will be'. Pointless to worry about things that MIGHT happen, things that are beyond our control.

If I have to be honest, I think he likes you as more than a booty call. Just learn to chill and relax and enjoy what you have with him

[China]

I'm trying. =)

The biggest thing he's said to me (that I forgot about until now) that makes me think this isn't a booty call is this. When we were laying in bed the other night we somehow got on the topic of erectile dysfunction (don't ask me how, he's in his 40's and he says it gets to be an issue). So I responded by saying that he hadn't seemed to have an issue in the times that we had sex. He responded by saying "nothing you would have noticed but I did have an issue the first time". Keep in mind we had sex 5 times the first time. Surely a booty call wouldn't want to draw attention to this right?I figured it was more an adult conversation about something that may come up as the relationship progresses....thoughts men?

[xxazurexx]

He trusts you, so take it as a huge compliment. Men don't share innermost thoughts like that with just anybody and for fear of being judged or ridiculed, nor do they trust easily, so I'm reckoning on you are special to him and for him to share and confide in you, regarding a highly sensitive subject.

[SelflessnHumble]

So I completely pulled back from him and he is still calling and came over yesterday so we could do Christmas...came over after work and cooked dinner and we exchanged gifts...he got me some spa type stuff (neck pillow, eye pillow etc) and a gift certificate to the spa. I just don't get it.

Well, then start to get it: he is showing interest in you.
There is nothing wrong with doing the same, BUT I would strongly advice to be in control of
your emotions and not allow them to supersede your judgment. You still don't know him.
People who "travel a lot" are usually sales people and are good at selling. Just be cautious not overly analytical.

At time he gives the impression that he legitimately wants to be with me and other times he seems to be distant

If and when a person "feels" that they aren't receiving what they are giving it is natural to feel this way.

Realistically I overthink and overanalyze everything. I have male friends who I am often on the phone with late at night so how can I judge? Today he said he is at a family gathering and watching football with his father tomorrow. I know he is close with his family but should I believe him or continue to imagine the worst.

Don't be a hypocrite. You aren't a couple and aren't "together." You are talking/gauging interest (testing the waters)
with absolutely zero commitment to hold this ship together so don't act like it. Relax and view this as an experience.
I can see how previous advice can change your opinion or view to feel hesitant but he hasn't lied as far as you know.
So don't judge without knowing what he's done. A person's word begins at 100% -Just don't give ALL of yourself
when you don't truly know him yet.

When we did Christmas, he did not take the gift I gave him (I knew after I bought it that he may not use it) He said he liked it but it was not practical for him. I gave him some options (we could go together and exchange it for something else, he could tell me something he wanted, he could take it himself and exchange it) and he decided that we should go together. Then I had the idea of us going for massages together which he was excited about and we are supposed to do that.

See, this sounds like he wants what he is giving: attention and taking an interest.
There is nothing wrong with doing so as long as you stay aware and honestly: get to know him.
Your relationship with him lacks intimacy and I don't mean sex either. Intimacy. Get closer to him
and if you are interested show him. At this point if he is talking to girls: so are you...nothing to lose.

One thing: stop over analyzing things!
A guy senses this and denotes instability.

[sookie6]

It's such an interesting thread..I think what is lacking overall in this 'relationship' is honesty and openness...at this point I feel that when two people are genuinely interested in one another they should be able to talk about why they want to keep seeing each other...

I'm hoping that if not an official couple you at least respect each other and have friendship for basis...otherwise you would just be 'f...ing buddies'...so as 'friends' you should be able to ask what the other is feeling...you're not asking for undying love but you are entitled to know if he is seeing other women...if he cares for you more than a friend would...You are entitled to know all these things...also ask yourself what you want?