When you got the power over someone.....

[Ricecracker]

Hi,

First of all I live in Central Europe, so excuse me please if there will be sentences which are unclear to understand. Feel free to ask me about things you didn't understand grammatically.

I(22) met him 5,5 years ago. we shared the same interests and i liked him.
It didnt take long (maybe 1-2 months) until I got my first declaration of love by him.
Sadly I had to turn him down, because he just wasn't the one for me.
( He's a very nice man, a loyal friend and good with old people, but lacks self confidence and discipline.)
He was disappointed but had to accept it.
We stayed as friends though and always had a good time.

Until now he was in about 2 relationships with women he couldn't quite handle. Bot left him because he had problems expressing what really is in his heart. And now after the last one left he comes back to me and tells me he is stil in love with me.
I wasn't surprised when I heard it. Deep inside I knew the whole time (even while he was with his girlfriend) that he still had these kinds of feelings for me, but he always denied when I asked him about it, so I thought it was only my imagination.
So my reaction was kind of unemotional. I just quietly told him I had no intention in changing what has been between us until now and asked him to please not get his hopes any higher.

I am not quite sure what to do in this situation.
I myself was in a similar situation 6 years ago in school but the friend I declared my love to couldn't handle it and just left me. we lost contact 4 years ago and the love i felt for him changed into pure hatred.
That was the most depressing time in my life, having being neglected by the person you love the most in your life.
I don't want to do that to my friend here. yet after the last confession I feel an imaginary wall between me and him. I have problems touching him like normal friends would do. Like, leaning on ones shoulder in the train would be something I usually do with all my friends.
Now i feel like I need to put some distance between us, to not help this unrequited love grow to big.
I told him not to get any hopes high. It just isnt possible that I could learn to love him like that. He is just not my type!
He says he understands it and already knew the answer before confessing. He said, he just wanted to say it out. To make this clear between us. But I also know how heartbreaking my answer was for him.

Now I feel torn between running away and correcting the mistake my highschool crush did to me.
I don't want to leave him because he lives alone and doesn't have many friends. That would be the most awful thing of me to do. Can't there be something in between? staying good friends without hurting him?
Over the last 5 years I helped him "grow up". I was some kind of a mentor for him and I can say I helped him quite well putting himself together and getting a job.
Obviously this was the reason he grew so fond of me. Sometimes he calls me mother or big sister even though he is 2 years older than me.

It's very flattering to see that I am so important for him, but for me it doesn't seem too healthy to be so dependent on one person. For me it feels like a burden. a very heavy burden. The burden of the power i got over this friend.
But if I'd left him for good I wouldn't be better than my highschool crush.

What if I would put this wall aside? What if I would touch him normaly like you do with all your best friends? putting my head onto his shoulders like I always did with my friends. putting my arm around his while walking while his hands are in his pocket like i always do with other friends.
Would that be a mistake? I dont want this love in his heart grow any bigger. For me it feels like a dangerous tumor that could slowly destroy our friendship.
Yet living with this wall inbetween feels so wrong and unnecessary.

Any suggestions?

[DavidDeAnge]

You clearly doesnt want to hurt hm but at the same time you dont want him to get to high hopes right?
I mean it sounds like girls is this way and I would say just be a good friend with him and dont do any mistake of risking your friendship but he will have to underdtand you dont love him the way you do.
Actually its sound like my story but my story is the other way around so actually you are helping me right now.

[Boisdevie]

You have to decide what is best for you. If he does not have many friends that is not your fault - you are not responsible for him and his life.

[xxazurexx]

You aren't his 'keeper' nor are you obligated to him in any way. If he has no friends, that is his fault not yours. People do not have to remain in situations they are not 100% happy in.

The kindest thing you could actually do, is leave him alone.

[xxazurexx]

What if I would put this wall aside? What if I would touch him normaly like you do with all your best friends? putting my head onto his shoulders like I always did with my friends. putting my arm around his while walking while his hands are in his pocket like i always do with other friends.
Would that be a mistake? I dont want this love in his heart grow any bigger.

YES IT WOULD BE A MISTAKE.

Why the hell do you want to run your paws all over him if he's just a FRIEND???

Do you always give your guy friends the impression that this could be more and lay your head on your guys friends shoulders, put your arm around them and in their pockets and touch them?? Because I didn't ever act that way with guy friends in my life,.....that treatment was reserved for my boyfriends or lovers.

Sounds to me that if you watched and learned to control your own actions and kept your hands from straying all over your guy mates, men may not pick up wrong signals!!!!