25 and still single! Guys, what do you want in a girl?

[ryna88]

We've all heard it...at least I know I have:

"You'll find him when you least expect it."
"You'll find him when you're not looking."


I'm going to be honest here: I'm 25, single... and many of my friends who are dating someone are getting engaged, or are already married and have growing families. It's scary. Today, I found out 3 more of my friends are engaged, and while I was happy for them, it kind of hurt at the same time.

I haven't really been in a serious relationship. I had a not-very-serious boyfriend in high school, and had little flings with a few guys since then, but nothing serious at all.

My guy friends, my girlfriends, all tell me: You graduated from a prestigious big 10 University, you're smart, applying to graduate school, you're funny, you're beautiful, you're a dancer, you've got an amazing personality....

So why am I still single?!

Maybe I should be prettier? I'm not a supermodel, but I'm not terrible looking, I think. (If you want pics, I just might post them), but seriously?

Too ambitious? Intimidating? I am outgoing, love myself, take good care of myself, and love spending time with family and friends.

I have a really hard time believing that there'll be anyone left for me that's not already married or engaged. All the great guys I've met are usually taken.

The ones in the past that were not taken, end up telling me: "He's out there waiting for you, I'm not the one, but you'll meet him one day, and he's gonna be lucky to have you."

They allllll sayyyy that. Seriously.

It's difficult; I am having a hard time keeping the faith.

Second part of my confession: I tend to get crushes on guys pretty often. Maybe subconsciously I'm looking. I do not want to be that way - I just see the best in everyone, guys or girls, but of course I fall for the guys, because that's how I swing

Many of my female friends feel similar to how I do right now, many of whom are going on to medical school or pursuing higher degrees, but have not found The One yet. Most of the time, I'm fine, but today, I had a moment of weakness, which is why I'm now writing this.

So, going back to the first few quotes I listed above - does this mean that being interested in someone mean that you are, in fact, looking? In sum, what WOULD it look like to finally meet that person?

I know I had posted about a week ago (see former forum topic about comment on shoes) about a guy that I am just starting to get to know who I am currently interested in...is it not a good sign that I was thinking of him? Honestly, I'm surprised by this whole situation because I don't have to change myself when I'm around him, he's interested in whatever I have to say, and I'm just in general comfortable in my own skin around him. But then again, I could just be blinded...haha. I do have a feeling that he'll at least be a good friend.

This probably sounds confusing, but I do obviously want to get married some day... but how would that happen if it's supposed to happen when you don't want it? How do you not look?

[SelflessnHumble]

I'm going to be honest here

I don't think you grasp the brevity of what you just wrote.
See honest people already imply that what they are posting about is the honest truth.
Just a friendly observation. In my experience people who say, "honestly..." lie a lot.

I'm 25, single... and many of my friends who are dating someone are getting engaged, or are already married and have growing families. It's scary. Today, I found out 3 more of my friends are engaged, and while I was happy for them, it kind of hurt at the same time.
I haven't really been in a serious relationship. I had a not-very-serious boyfriend in high school, and had little flings with a few guys since then, but nothing serious at all.

25? So what? Many people choose to "settle" for people and they are stuck at age 15, 16, 17.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a good man in your life but I have to ask if you have issues with
intimacy?

Maybe I should be prettier? I'm not a supermodel, but I'm not terrible looking, I think. (If you want pics, I just might post them), but seriously?

Too ambitious? Intimidating? I am outgoing, love myself, take good care of myself, and love spending time with family and friends.

Some men can be intimidated by an original thinking/intelligent woman like you.
However ask yourself if you are approachable or not?

I have a really hard time believing that there'll be anyone left for me that's not already married or engaged. All the great guys I've met are usually taken.

Well, have you considered that most people that "meet" people laid the ground work by
being just friends in the beginning, OR they are extremely outgoing so that the odds are increased of meeting someone?
Do you go out, or do you study much? Personally I think it is a godsend to go to school first then meet the one afterward.

It's difficult; I am having a hard time keeping the faith.

Guess what? People (namely men) can smell this a mile away and you don't even know you are
projecting this outward towards seemingly unsuspecting people. We're animals, you know?

Second part of my confession: I tend to get crushes on guys pretty often. Maybe subconsciously I'm looking. I do not want to be that way - I just see the best in everyone, guys or girls, but of course I fall for the guys, because that's how I swing

It's not subconscious if your conscious is aware of it!

There is nothing wrong with looking.
Here's a confession: everyone crushes on men/women! We're animals remember?

Let things happen naturally with this guy.

You sound like a nice girl and the qualities that you exemplify are
good ones. Just don't forget you need a strong man who can handle a woman who knows what she wants.

THIS right here is why many beautiful and sweet women around the world may not have a man in their
life because the men aren't strong enough for them. Don't fret. Be positive!

[the_robot]

I'm not an expert by all means, but I'd say the "when you are not looking" part means you don't have to go "guy hunting", you'll just meet some guy at some point that you are interested in.. That's what I think it means, anyway. And about the crushes... isn't that a good sign? I mean, if you get to like the guy and he likes you, your problem is fixed, no?

[Nice Lover Boy]

Post pics.
I'll be the honest one here.

[smackie9]

You get crushes because you haven't got relationship maturity. Here's a tip: sex sells. You need to project sexy to attract. Maybe you need to be more feminine and flirty when around men. Sitting there waiting for a guy to approach you is a waste of time. You need to be a bit more aggressive, come right out and give a guy a compliment. And this friend guy you are attracted to, ask him out, it's not the 1950's it's ok to ask guys out on dates. You can also try a dating service and date like crazy.....eventually you will find someone that's a hit with you.

[red_sparrow]

ya, i'm 22, in my first relationship just because I wanted to try it out.. I fell in love with someone strange, though, and i feel as though we're drifting apart somewhat. a part of me always knew there was someone better out there. mind you, he does make a great chef. but we've been feeling like different people with different problems, lately.

my point is.. there are people who are 30, 31, 32 who aren't in a serious relationship.. that doesn't matter. you probably are very picky because you have high self-confidence (i have it too, and i'm very picky). you just want the 'right' guy, and most people want this. i feel the same way because i am a grad student at 22, have achieved a lot in my life, and am looking for the same. you probably just feel that having achieved what you did (and being disciplined and hard-working, obviously) you value someone else with those qualities. and honestly, it's hard to find directed people nowadays. i was raised in a family where i was pushed toward school--even though it always came naturally.

i say -- don't worry wait it out. 25 is honestly not that old. it is good this man listens to what you have to say. that's more than what i can say about my 'special someone'...

[blent]

post a picture in my opinion... personality and all that are great but looks are probably the most important in the beginning

[thundersw]

Maybe you've high standars for the average man??
Your mind seems a little troubled, what's wrong "looking" for someone anyway? Do you have "not to be looking" so you may find the "one"? This is for you a psycological game or your well being? Get a grip!
You may find him when your are looking or when you don't, it happens.
Do you want to be married because your friends are also and you feel apart? If you don't get your mind straight, that fellow won't last to the church either.

[Raze]

You are too desperate.

[Allegedly Dave]

I'm 25 as well, and I know plenty who are getting married or are engaged and I honestly think it's laughable. 50% of all marriages end in divorce for a reason!! It's better to be practical and wait, so don't feel any need to rush it. On the other hand, if you want kids then you don't have quite as much luxury in the waiting department since you do have a biological clock ticking away. That's an advantage of being a guy, I suppose... we don't really have a timetable!

It's very true though that the best way to hook a guy (initially) is to look as gorgeous as possible. I think we consider marriage when the ratio between lust and love evens out. Too much lust or too much love can be equally damaging.

[Gratedwasabi]

All the guys on here support you posting pictures. Haha.

It's really not that strange, it happens. I focused on school and such until I graduated and then it took a year or so for things to open up, then it was floodgates. I don't think I saw your other post but hey, go for it. Be aggressive, or at least make the first effort. You'd be surprised how far it goes with a guy when a woman makes the effort to approach US.

[Raze]

It's very true though that the best way to hook a guy (initially) is to look as gorgeous as possible.

You can be beautiful but have the personality of a brick wall. I'm a guy and I go for personality over looks big time. Unless you just want to get bumped, I suggest working on your personality. That's only true if you are looking for sex, sorry.

[doppelgaenger]

I think once you get rid of the expectation that you should be engaged/married by now with kids, you will be fine. The last woman I was with felt like she was under similar pressure and I watched our relationship disintegrate into nothing while she desperately tried to push us both into something we weren't ready for. I ended up walking away with my engagement ring in my pocket and never returned. People who rush into those kinds of things end up in troubled marriages where neither person is happy and the kids end up suffering most.

Anyway, all you're really dealing with is the typical anxiety that everybody must deal with while dating. Some people fear loneliness more than death itself. The possibility that you could spend the rest if your life single should truly comfort you. Enjoy the unpredictability of life! If everyone knew that someday they would end up married with an average Joe life, they probably wouldn't take half the risks they take. It would take all the spontaneity and excitement out of everything. Yes, these kinds of things happen when you "least expect them".

[DavidDeAnge]

First of I am not an expert in this department but I know key things I suppose even thought I am 18 and suffer big problems but...

By the sound of it before you get desperate get a grip as some is saying.

If the guys dont approach to you, you do it instead of someone you feel attracted to I mean that is what happend between me and my gf and right now I love her.

Try to just be yourself, be confident in what you do and like, ask your friends for advices to start something serious.

The looks are not always the game changer personality matters as much in my meaning, now I am happy I found someone with both halfs, but start of being relaxed in what you do the best. If that doesnt work try to change small details that can be groundbreaking for your personality and maybe change the way you want to approach a guy.

I am not saying the face and body doesnt care but personality is as big and really you should consider putting a photo that way we'll be convinced that you are not awful and give you thumbs up and your confidence will get higher.

Dont ever give up guys dont like unconfident girls remember that ALWAYS

[Raze]

Okay, I'm going to give you one example. There's this girl that lives by me. She doesn't look like a super-model, but she has personality. The guys like her because she appears to be happy all the time. She's always in a good mood and always willing to have a good time. She loves life. She's not depressed about life - this turns guys on. You don't have to have looks.

Girls ask why all the guys like her. This is because she doesn't appear stuck up or prissy. She's fun to be around. If you want a guy, make yourself desirable by making yourself fun to be around.