Did I sleep with him too soon?

[China]

I met this guy online at the end of September and we had been texting and talking on the phone every 2 or 3 days and after a while he was telling me how much he liked me....tried getting together but had a hard time cause of his work schedule (he travels alot) and stuff I had going on, finally went out earlier this month...the 10th I think and we had a great date....he lives in Jersey, came to NY....nice dinner came back to my place and hung out... made out some....he left around 3 AM. He texted me the next day....still very attentive...told me he really liked me.... a few days later told me he needed me to know that he liked me more that he thought I realized….when he told me he liked me I told him I had that effect on people....trying to be cute and he told me to stop attracting other people because he wanted to keep me all to himself so I said if I was expected to keep myself for him could I expect the same and he said of course if that's what we decided. We went out again the following Friday went well, dinner....drinks....went to my place, ended up having sex....he spent the night, he left the next day (which I knew was going to happen because he had to go Christmas shopping). He called me when he got home and texted me that night when he got home from shopping and we spoke on and off the rest of the weekend but he didn’t seem as into me....the he came over the following Tuesday night after work knowing he had to leave by 5AM to get to work on time. I ordered in food and we had dinner when he got here….watched some television and went to bed and had sex again. We spoke the next day...and he texted me Thursday morning to say he had to ask me a question. I called him and he said he wanted to get me a Christmas gift and was asking about something he was going to get me. I said he didn’t need to get me a gift and he told me to be quiet that he was going to. He called me Christmas eve and Christmas day but he still seemed "off". Not telling me he missed me anymore, not calling me by his pet names for me. We were supposed to do Christmas on Sunday but he called me early that morning and said because of the snow coming it wouldn’t be a good idea which I agreed with. I called him Monday morning and we spoke briefly and then we texted later in the day and he asked if my streets were clear cause he was thinking about coming over but they weren’t so he couldn’t. But while we were texting he still seemed off so I asked if I was bothering him and he said he was on the phone so I didn’t respond and never heard back from him that night. I decided to pull back a little and let him contact me. He texted me yesterday morning and we texted briefly and then this morning he texted me and we texted briefly…then later I called him to say hi and he was on the phone so he said he would call me back. He called back 5 minutes later and we spoke briefly as he was on the way to the gym and he said he would call me later. He called me a few hours later and he was like “I was just calling you back”. So we spoke and I asked him today what his plans were for New Years and he said he was helping his brother with a DJ job...which is fine....I figured he would already have plans but he said that he may be free later in the weekend and we left it at that.
So I guess my question is am I panicking? Friends tell me it’s all good because he still makes first contact with me on a daily basis but I’m worried. Another thing of note is that he ALWAYS answers the phone when I call even if it’s to tell me that he’s on the phone or out with friends. He always responds to my texts relatively soon as well except when he’s at work but it’s never more than a half hour or so. Should I continue to pull back and see what happens? Men I need your help!!! =)

Thanks in advance for any advice you can provide!

[smackie9]

It didn't matter if you had sex with him on the second date or on the 10th. All he wanted was to hook up. He's done this before hun. You are just a booty call. Played totally.

[Gratedwasabi]

It didn't matter if you had sex with him on the second date or on the 10th. All he wanted was to hook up. He's done this before hun. You are just a booty call. Played totally.

Sorry, but smackie is right. Hook, line, sinker. He got ya.

Read you from the first date that you would be receptive to him going overboard with how much he liked you, played off that, and scored easily. After that it just became a matter of when it's convenient for him, not you. The brief phone calls and texts take no time and are really minimal upkeep for a guy to keep getting laid, especially since he can just invite himself over without even buying you dinner!

You're a booty call girl.

[sookie6]

It could have worked out the othr way with the start of a beautiful love story but I think he 's keeping a minimal interest so that he can pop by and have sex with you when he feels like it. For all you know he could have other girls waiting for him all over town. When a man has found out what makes us click he becomes really good at it.

If you want to test him, try to enter his personal space since so far he has been in your life but you haven't been in his. Why don't you find out his address and invite yourself over with a romantic picnic. To him it will either be a nice surprise or you will literally see fear in this eyes...time to gain some power back.

PS: I tried online dating too and I've met 2-3 nice guys on the rebound and the last guy was totally looking for a sexual encounter..it made me realise that dating websites are like a playground for some men. They always work with a few possibiliies..they will like you and keep you on the side until something better or new comes along. If you want something serious, don't invite anyone to your place too soon.

[iloveyouforever]

It didn't matter if you had sex with him on the second date or on the 10th. All he wanted was to hook up. He's done this before hun. You are just a booty call. Played totally.

would guys really keep in touch that much if it was a booty call?

[Gratedwasabi]

would guys really keep in touch that much if it was a booty call?

It's really easy to keep in touch "that much."

I used to have about 3 or 4 girls that were possible outlets for sex when relationships weren't in the picture. Usually one or two required pretty regular attention and the others were low maintenance.

Now, I was very clear about my intent (friends with benefits when neither was dating, PERIOD.) But it's still the same process, except minus the lying. I'd woo them hard to start, sleep with them, and then back off a bit. As long as I gave them a bit of attention they'd much rather believe I was busy or whatever then they were sex toys. That's the player key right there.. a woman NEVER wants to think she's a sex toy, so you can actually get her to keep having sex because she thinks it means she's not a sex toy.

I know it sounds redundant but it's often how it works. She believes because they're having more sex they're "connecting emotionally" and it makes her more then an object for sex.

Take, for example, him asking if the roads were clear so he could come over. YOU took it as him wanting to see you, HE meant it as he was horny. See how that works?

[smackie9]

Guys will do and say anything to get sex.

[iloveyouforever]

It's really easy to keep in touch "that much."

I used to have about 3 or 4 girls that were possible outlets for sex when relationships weren't in the picture. Usually one or two required pretty regular attention and the others were low maintenance.

Now, I was very clear about my intent (friends with benefits when neither was dating, PERIOD.) But it's still the same process, except minus the lying. I'd woo them hard to start, sleep with them, and then back off a bit. As long as I gave them a bit of attention they'd much rather believe I was busy or whatever then they were sex toys. That's the player key right there.. a woman NEVER wants to think she's a sex toy, so you can actually get her to keep having sex because she thinks it means she's not a sex toy.

I know it sounds redundant but it's often how it works. She believes because they're having more sex they're "connecting emotionally" and it makes her more then an object for sex.

Take, for example, him asking if the roads were clear so he could come over. YOU took it as him wanting to see you, HE meant it as he was horny. See how that works?

ahh. tricky tricky fellas... im just saying if i was playing someone i probably wouldn't give them that much attention maybe like every other two days then id check up on them... but ya'll are right girls love attention.. and if she thinks yall are busy then she wouldn't want to seem pyscho and ask why your acting like that.

[China]

Thanks for the input everyone....not what I wanted to hear but I appreciate the honesty. I think I'm going to back off completely. He texted me today to say "good morning XO", I replied with a simple "morning" and left it at that...never heard back....I'm figuring I won't hear from him much anymore.

[sookie6]

Thanks for the input everyone....not what I wanted to hear but I appreciate the honesty. I think I'm going to back off completely. He texted me today to say "good morning XO", I replied with a simple "morning" and left it at that...never heard back....I'm figuring I won't hear from him much anymore.

Don't dwell too much on him..it's a dificult lesson to learn but such a valuable one...all a gain for you...you will meet the right person very soon I'm sure xx

[China]

He just keeps calling..... *sigh* it would be easier if he didn't.

[sookie6]

Maybe you should agree to meet with him and discuss your expectations. Explain that you are looking for something serious, some commitment..and that you want to be part of his life and vice versa...

All this should scare him already if he's only looking for a fling.

But that's only if you think he is boyfriend material...

[China]

I did think he was but at this point I don't know anymore. If he just wants a booty call then yes it will scare him off. If he's sincere it still may scare him off since it is relatively soon since we started seeing each other.

[sookie6]

You are probably right here. In France we don't make a difference between 'seeing someone' and 'having a gfriend/bfriend' so to me you have been seeing each other more than once, had sex...so he's your bfriend..unlesse you have established from the start that this was not going to be serious. Which I don't think you did.

[SelflessnHumble]

I met this guy online at the end of September and we had been texting and talking on the phone every 2 or 3 days and after a while he was telling me how much he liked me....tried getting together but had a hard time cause of his work schedule (he travels alot) and stuff I had going on, finally went out earlier this month...the 10th I think and we had a great date....he lives in Jersey, came to NY....nice dinner came back to my place and hung out... made out some....he left around 3 AM. He texted me the next day....still very attentive...told me he really liked me.... a few days later told me he needed me to know that he liked me more that he thought I realized….when he told me he liked me I told him I had that effect on people....trying to be cute and he told me to stop attracting other people because he wanted to keep me all to himself so I said if I was expected to keep myself for him could I expect the same and he said of course if that's what we decided. We went out again the following Friday went well, dinner....drinks....went to my place, ended up having sex....he spent the night, he left the next day (which I knew was going to happen because he had to go Christmas shopping). He called me when he got home and texted me that night when he got home from shopping and we spoke on and off the rest of the weekend but he didn’t seem as into me....the he came over the following Tuesday night after work knowing he had to leave by 5AM to get to work on time. I ordered in food and we had dinner when he got here….watched some television and went to bed and had sex again. We spoke the next day...and he texted me Thursday morning to say he had to ask me a question. I called him and he said he wanted to get me a Christmas gift and was asking about something he was going to get me. I said he didn’t need to get me a gift and he told me to be quiet that he was going to. He called me Christmas eve and Christmas day but he still seemed "off". Not telling me he missed me anymore, not calling me by his pet names for me. We were supposed to do Christmas on Sunday but he called me early that morning and said because of the snow coming it wouldn’t be a good idea which I agreed with. I called him Monday morning and we spoke briefly and then we texted later in the day and he asked if my streets were clear cause he was thinking about coming over but they weren’t so he couldn’t. But while we were texting he still seemed off so I asked if I was bothering him and he said he was on the phone so I didn’t respond and never heard back from him that night. I decided to pull back a little and let him contact me. He texted me yesterday morning and we texted briefly and then this morning he texted me and we texted briefly…then later I called him to say hi and he was on the phone so he said he would call me back. He called back 5 minutes later and we spoke briefly as he was on the way to the gym and he said he would call me later. He called me a few hours later and he was like “I was just calling you back”. So we spoke and I asked him today what his plans were for New Years and he said he was helping his brother with a DJ job...which is fine....I figured he would already have plans but he said that he may be free later in the weekend and we left it at that.
So I guess my question is am I panicking? Friends tell me it’s all good because he still makes first contact with me on a daily basis but I’m worried. Another thing of note is that he ALWAYS answers the phone when I call even if it’s to tell me that he’s on the phone or out with friends. He always responds to my texts relatively soon as well except when he’s at work but it’s never more than a half hour or so. Should I continue to pull back and see what happens? Men I need your help!!! =)

Thanks in advance for any advice you can provide!

This isn't really advice: as it is basically the truth of what is going on.

He has ZERO incentive to want anything more from you than what you have already given him on a silver platter.
He doesn't need to woo you anymore because you gave yourself to him WAYYYYYYYYY too soon and seemed
to not have any issue with it. As a result you have reaped what you had sown.

Reality is a lot different than your fantasy world that you had both created while talking and chatting "online."

This relationship is just a matter of convenience and as time goes on...It will be more of the same.

He will text you, keep you in the loop but he has no reason whatsoever to give you the attention he first gave
you when you gave it up so easily and quickly. As it is: he's already lost a considerable amount of respect (for you)
and EVERY time you two meet: Sex is not only a requisite but it is seemingly expectant: for both of you.

While you don't have a problem being so easy: do you think your relationship has anything solid to build on?
Personally I know you've been used, he just hasn't needed to drop you because it's all a matter of convenience...

"Hmmm, all I have to do is text her ever so often, make excuses if I'm busy and then I get to come down...and hit it
then make up some prior engagement excuse so I can leave the very next day bright and early..."

^^^This. I doubt you will listen because you are infatuated with this relationship.
Truth is self evident and well, you have yet to find this out...