Settle for the safe option or Passion ?? HELP!

[Agirl]

Ok so basically...

I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years since i was 15. Obviously we was very young when we got together (still am i guess) and now i just dont know what to do...

When i started college i met this guy and we was instantly attracted to each other but because i had a boyfriend we was never anything but friends. After a year of knowing him me and my boyfriend split up because things were not going to well, we was going on a totally different path to what i wanted. So a little while after we broke up me and my friend started to admit that we had feelings for each other and we eventually became a couple. I really loved being with him, we are in to the same things, i am SOO attracted to him, the intimacy and passion between us is crazy but saying all this i still couldnt help but think about my ex.and even though he didnt treat me badly my ex treated me like a queen!

Me and my 'friend' was together for about 9 months on and off but within this time i still spoke to my ex (which my friend, boyfriend at the time new about) and i still had feelings for him. In the end we broke up and i got back with my ex (sorry abit complicated)

Soo now im back with my ex but things just dont feel the same but i feel like i owe it to us to give us another shot. He has never been anything but kind to me, never hurts me- he is what evey girl wants - so why do i still want my friend soooo badly!? I miss him so so much and its not like i havnt had the chance to get other him because hes been in adifferent country for 9 months. and the thing that makes it worse is that i dont even know WHY i like him.

Now i dont know what to do... Do i go for the safe option, the one i really love almost like he is my family (as in i want to protect him) but am bored with and feel no passion but just feel comfortable with and i know 100% he loves me and would do anything for me. Or do i go with the one that i THINK i want. my friend that i was crazy about the second i saw him even though he really isnt a safe choice ?!...

and in saying all this i realise i am still young! would really appreciate opinions if anyone can be botherd to read this whole story lol.

Sorry for looong story but its been over a year now and i still dont have an answer!

[sookie6]

safe for what? Can you define what you mean by safe to us and most importantly to you?

[Agirl]

He is safe in the respect that i know he loves me, will do anything for me, our families get on and i know where my life would go with him. My friend on the other hand is a real ladies man and im not sure if his feelings towards me are real or he is just infactuated with me. My boyfriend i could confidently say i know he would never intentionally do anything to hurt me, the other i could not =/

[SelflessnHumble]

(sorry a bit complicated)

The first I'd like for you to know is that this is not only uncomplicated but is one of
the most easily recognizable posts I've read in quite a while...

We were instantly attracted to each other but because i had a boyfriend we were never anything but friends.

This is red flag #1. This may be due to the fact you are young OR that
because of your lack of control (with your emotions) you don't lead your heart, you follow it instead which
leads: to problems because you haven't learned how to make a clean break, which is another way of saying
"I want my cake and I'd like to eat it too, but just in case, here's a snack to hold me over..." (not healthy)

After a year of knowing him me and my boyfriend split up because things were not going to well, we was going on a totally different path to what i wanted. So a little while after we broke up me and my friend started to admit that we had feelings for each other and we eventually became a couple. I really loved being with him, we are in to the same things, i am SOO attracted to him, the intimacy and passion between us is crazy but saying all this i still couldnt help but think about my ex.and even though he didnt treat me badly my ex treated me like a queen!

Well, it's great you have learned that sex isn't the pinnacle of relationships.


Red flag #2 Why?

Me and my 'friend' was together for about 9 months on and off but within this time i still spoke to my ex (which my friend, boyfriend at the time new about) and i still had feelings for him

Red flag #3

In the end we broke up and i got back with my ex

Tell me: Do you see a pattern here???

Soo now im back with my ex but things just dont feel the same but i feel like i owe it to us to give us another shot. He has never been anything but kind to me, never hurts me- he is what evey girl wants - so why do i still want my friend soooo badly!? I miss him so so much and its not like i havnt had the chance to get other him because hes been in adifferent country for 9 months. and the thing that makes it worse is that i dont even know WHY i like him.

I can tell you why but you probably don't want to hear it.
You feed off of having one man in the background while the other is in the foreground.
It's almost as if it is what fuels your overly sense of happiness with one or the other.

You have created (all by yourself) a cycle where being with one, makes you feel for another.
So you THINK you'll be happy with the other one and as soon as you get back with him? You lose interest
and it is overshadowed by your feelings for the next guy and the next only currently it's the same two.

You need to stop toying around with people and their emotions just because yours are
all out of line and are out of control. All this really means is that you are not ready for a real committed relationship
and that you need to experience more of life so that you can learn what it means to be in one.

Now i dont know what to do... Do i go for the safe option, the one i really love almost like he is my family (as in i want to protect him) but am bored with and feel no passion but just feel comfortable with and i know 100% he loves me and would do anything for me. Or do i go with the one that i THINK i want. my friend that i was crazy about the second i saw him even though he really isnt a safe choice ?!..

Bad news: You won't be happy with EITHER of them until you learn
how to feel. You don't go into a restaurant and order EVERYTHING off the menu so you don't "miss out" on
something. You roll the dice, you PICK one and make the best of it.

I'm telling you that in your current state of uncertainty and your wishy washy behavior
you won't be happy with either one! You need to control your emotions, and learn
that to really love someone: is to love THEM only, not two at once.

You are only hurting yourself (and your soul) in the long run.
As it is you are no better than a *player* who willingly cheats and goes from mate to mate.

You're just not ready and unless you want to continue to hurt people
due to your indecisiveness it'd be best for you to learn how people's emotions
should NEVER be toyed with for your own happiness. This isn't love especially unconditional love.

[Cinnabella]

You r really selfish and I hate to say that let your current bf go if what you are doing is using him for being a queen as you thought, find what you want, you Don't love them but yourself. Maybe you need to get mature more to becable to love. Sorry but it's true

[smackie9]

Oh give it up girl. You have missed out on the majority of your dating life on one guy. Stop wasting it and enjoy having different partners for awhile. You are way too young to be in any kind of committed relationship. There will be plenty of time to find a husband way down the road before you get locked in a boring marriage with kids and crap.....it ain't no picnic.

[VincenzoG91]

Agirl, the only person that you really love right now is yourself. You aren't ready for a serious relationship yet, so you should break ties with both guys and just date around for a while. Eventually, you will figure out your priorities and possibly be ready to get serious with somebody.