No Sex Till Marriage

[lovebites89]

Ok I am 21 and my boyfriend is 25. He has 3 kids from a previous marriage. I am not a virgin either and we have been dating for 2.5 years. So we do have sex regularly. He promised me he would ask me to marry him and have a wedding around Spring of 2011. After that promise he slept with my best friend in October. I broke up with him after finding out... but about a month later we got back together and I forgave him. He still says he wants to marry me, that he loves me, and what he did was really wrong. However... I have been wanting to get closer to Christ and I am a Christian but never really followed the rules of purity before marriage. I want to take a vow of purity until we get married. To be closer to Christ and to also make sure this relationship is not just based on sex. He seems to be very upset about this, as we regularly have sex 3-4 times a week. He now thinks im hiding something and he feels like it is out of the blue for me to do this sorta thing because I am kinda a nimfo. He just don't seem to understand that I want to confess my sins and take this vow, try to do right, and follow the rules and be closer to God. Because no matter what, in the end, God is the one who I will have to answer to. Yes, I realize this is going to be very tough, and him getting upset might make me say "screw the whole idea".... but its important to me. Usually he turns me down for sex, he has that power, always has. Now its like he don't know what to do, because that power is being taken away from him, and I am now turning HIM down. How do I help him understand?? What should I do?

[Boisdevie]

You have become a believer in the Sky Fairy and he is 'normal' - and he cheated on you. Seriously you have one ****ed up relationship. I give you odds of 100 to 1 that it will work

[lovebites89]

How is our relationship ****ed up?

[Yet another guy]

If your fiance isn't religious, I can see why he wouldn't understand your decision. I wouldn't. On the other hand a few months without sex shouldn't be intolerable. Just make sure (with yourself) that you aren't doing it to punish him (that wouldn't be a promising start for your marriage otherwise). You can try making him feel better by making sure that he knows that you love him and by promising one hell of a wedding night.

[Gratedwasabi]

He's going to cheat on you again. Enjoy.

Seriously though, he already cheated on you, he's pissed over losing sex, and you're holding out. He is going to put his penis in another woman. I'll bet you my entire bank account.

[lovebites89]

He is Christian as well, and ever since we have been back together, we are trying to do the right things and get closer to god. Both of us are. To help our relationship on a higher level. This is in no way a punishment to him, I am doing this because of my religion and have been taken more seriously. If anyone was being punished it would be me, as I am the one who is adicted to the forbiden deed...

[lovebites89]

He's going to cheat on you again. Enjoy.

Seriously though, he already cheated on you, he's pissed over losing sex, and you're holding out. He is going to put his penis in another woman. I'll bet you my entire bank account.

I doubt he is going to cheat on me again, that was a really messed up night and as far as im concerned, it has been forgiven and forgotten. And if he does cheat on me again, I guess its better to know now then to get married and it happen anyways...

[johnfisher]

Thank God you realised the righteous way to approach life, to keep yourself for your husband alone.

1. If YOU are religious and want to abstain for prohibited (religious) acts of sex, then you are perfectly entitled to do that.

2. Ignore other people's comments about him cheating, if he's so desperate and cannot wait for you, then he's not worth it, I promise you, if a man truly loves a woman, he will wait till they're married, he will ultimately be happy with your choice.

3. Do not give in to him and do not listen to the disbelievers (they are like whispers of the devil), God made men for women and women for men and asked them to commit to each other for life.

4. The sex inside of marriage is sacred, it's a great blessing and you'll be rewarded for it. Sex outside of marriage is a curse and you know it in your heart that you regret having ever had intercourse with him before marriage.

5. God is forgiving and merciful, we should try to be as humans too. Give him a chance to prove his commitment to you, if he lets you down, then you are better off without him.

I wish you all the best and I hope you keep your word and abstain from intercourse until you are married.

[Yet another guy]

Not a good advice. Power games will destroy a relationship.

[Sonrisa]

reminder to myself to avoid christians at all costs

[vashti]

Who cares about the sex? Why would you even consider marrying someone with three kids? You are only a kid yourself, and raising someone else's kids is a helluva lot harder than raising your own. Don't you have a momma to give you good advice?

But yeah - if he's already had sex with one ofyour friends, he doesn't have any boundaries, and can surely be counted on to do it again.

[Take2]

To recap:

Before this guy was 22, he had
*gotten married
* had 3 kids
* gotten divorced
* started dating you

Two months ago, this guy slept with another woman while ostensibly commited to you

While he claims to share your religious beliefs which preclude premarital sex, he has been perfectly fine having forbidden sex with you 3 times a week. But he is absolutely NOT ok with abstaining, even though his proposed marriage date is only 3-4months away.

I am an extremely optimistic person, but I am sad to say that I don't see any good news in this scenario for you, OP. I think you should stand firm on your convictions because they are important to you and you should be able to have self-respect. But don't be surprised if this thing falls apart, and try to keep your thoughts about it being better to find out now when that is exactly what happens.

[doppelgaenger]

This thread should be stickied and made an example of. Lady, you need to get your priorities straight! It's all about the marriage to you, lol.

[Ryan Heitzman]

I happen to be a Christian myself, but I would probably have sex before marriage when I feel like the right one is there. Why wait when love can happen.

[Lovable]

Guess all I can say here is whatever "floats your boat" OP. If you can hang on until you 2 are married & he doesn't cheat on you again between now & then, hey you got a winner!!

Chances are that since he's mad now, he's going to stray again. He may even hold out doing the "deed" with someone else until AFTER you are married just to piss you off for not giving him any before the marriage.