Any advice for guys like me?? lol

[The Nice Guy849]

Hey everyone, i know i'm new here and i haven't really introduced myself before posting this thread, so i guess ill just be straight to the point of why i'm here, specifically about my own problem.

If you haven't guessed, i label myself as a "nice guy" because that's just simply how i feel about how i act. I honestly have never had a problem with this because i was raised right to work hard in school, always keep my chin up, all the typical parent things and i listened, absolutely no problems,i feel i am successful in life with how i am doing in college but i'm explaining that because that's the source of my problem.

Ever since i've started talking to girls, i've noticed- yea when i actually gain the courage to do so i talk to them...but its just like nothin ever really happens, i'm just a friend and they never really have to say it. Because i'm just so mature and so wise i'm the guy who they go to for advice with their problems over ANYTHING and because i'm so *nice and helpful* i stick with them through hoping theyd see i care about them *that way* but NOPE! nothin...

Usually every girl i end up even socializing with either is *so* into someone else or already has a boyfriend of least 6 months, so immediatly right then and there i am their friend -_- I will say that i have had a fair number of girlfriends(all of them with ME as the dumpee...) but the friend thing has gone on for me for who knows how long, i'm seriously tired of listening to their problems when nobody will ever care to even ask about mine.

So basically because of this recurring problem with my horrible tendancy to just be so generous immediatly to any girl i like, i just shut everybody out, friends and everyone. the only ones i had any real contact with has simply been my family. It's been like this for pretty much 3 years ever since i started college, pretty much zero contact from any female in real life. I feel horrible over this cause i basically committed social suicide and regardless of how much more time i now have to study for exams, i just get depressed that i can't even text a girl real fast to flirt and say "Hey wuz good?" lol and not only that, but i've just grown overly clingly and now a little desperate for a girl to notice me, it's bothers me so much it changed how i even was =/

I dont feel like im bad looking in fact on several cruises ive been on some girls have said i look like an abercrombie model with some of the clothes i buy for myself and i keep myself healthy to keep my shape and hopefully get better abs and the funny thing is i REALLY put myself through all this trouble JUST to get a girl to notice me, its given me a few stares and some other *friends* but nothing i would have hoped for...

So at the end of my extremely long post, how does a guy like me move past *the friend zone*? How can a guy like me start to not label myself as a nice guy but feel good about me for me, and how would i keep out insecurities/possibilities of girls wanting to be friends or want to break up because i am just too easy of a catch?? Any responses would be appreciated...

[Gratedwasabi]

You need to get an aggressive and/or jerky side to you. That's how. Or wait until you find a chick that is looking for a husband and nothing less.

I use sarcasm and aggressive flirting to offset my overly nice-ness. For example; if I'm chatting with a girl that I can tell I'm falling into the friend zone with I'll get a bit close, give her my bedroom eyes, wait a few beats, then tease her. Making a situation uncomfortable and NOT building her up, but rather teasing her preferably about something everyone compliments her on, is actually a good way to get women. It can make things weird and prevent a friendship, but it can get you laid.

Nice guys can finish first but you can't sit back, be a lazy dick, AND finish first like good looking jackasses. You need to be aggressive and leave no doubts about your intentions. Leaving her hanging a bit is always a good move, too, nice guys tend to be needy.

Also, how old are you? 'cuz "wow, you look like an abercrombie model!" stops being a compliment at about 18 and starts being an insult at about 20.

[Boisdevie]

How old are you?
When I was a teenager I often got told 'I like you but'...... Which obviously pissed me off enormously. But there is nothing wrong with being a nice guy - I think I"m a nice guy and have no problem getting girlfriends - perhaps it's a question of self confidence? Good luck

[The Nice Guy849]

thanks for the responses =) yea those are some pretty good tips, i guess i will need to be a little more aggressive and take a litttle more initiative with the conversation instead of just overly focusing on their wants/needs. I guess you could say i'm a little indesicive about how to carry a conversation with a girl to *make* her interested, you know?

I am 20 years old and i was told that compliment actually around 18.

I guess you could kind of tell that i have problems letting a girl know what i am *truly* interested in, and it does have a bit to do my self-confidence. What exactly should i be thinking to myself when i think 'confidence'? I've always had trouble figuring out how feeling 'confident' really feels(i've ALWAYS been the go-with-the-flow kind of person, i guess i should change that up...), how exaclty can i be confident without coming off as too cocky? cause i do know that can be a problem...

i also know this is off from your responses but, how do i stop being so needy/clingy? Cause like, if i actually just *talk* to one girl, i feel like THAT's the girl i have to get, and if i dont i feel bad about myself again =/ I'd really like to stop being so needy, but how??

[vertical_sky]

NO, NO do not be a jerk.

However, learn to be assertive.

Being assertive can help you in two ways. 1) It'll teach you to say to your female friends who go on and on about their problems," Hey, ya know I love helping you out, but I actually have an issue as well, mind if I ask your opinion on it?" Girls might assume you don't mind listening to their problems because you never speak up and say anything to the contrary... it's not very mature of them, true, but you've got to take some responsibility for speaking up on your own behalf.

2) Being assertive can teach you how to tell a girl that you WANT to be more than friends. It may surprise you, but girls actually DON'T notice if your feelings are more than friendship. They assume you talk to them and hang out with them because you want to be their friend, not because you want to get in their pants. It's my personal opinion that when you try to use friendship to get to romance, you run the very high risk of the Friend Zone. If you want something other than friendship, be upfront about it. Ask them out. (I'd say the grace period is about a month or so... If you hang out and talk with them regularly and after a month, you're still not asking them out, they're gonna assume you have just platonic feelings and move along.)

Lastly, and I apologize if I seem a little harsh, but I HATE the "Nice Guy" Label. This link explains it far better than I could... just make sure you're being a GENUINE nice guy and not THIS kind of Nice Guy.

[url=http://divalion.livejournal.com/163615.html]The Holy Drive-Thru of Lurve - No More Mr. Nice Guy[/url]

[The Nice Guy849]

haha wow that was a VERY long read. I saw some traits in that link that i CAN relate to myself, though the parts where it says the nice guy feels he SHOULD get a girl for being nice and all those parts...really aren't me, i've always taken the blame for just being friends with girls and hey that's why i'm here to figure out what i'm doing wrong lol

It is true that i can't read body language, i just dont know, reading that whole thing really put me down =/ i'll also admit i do get a bit frustrated in terms of rejection and i have taken it out on them and then myself, cause i feel if im rejected i cant get anyone =/ i know i might sometimes come off as a goody two shoes but its how i was taught to act and all that, and that's why it's very hard for me to accept things like rejection as hard as they might be, but i really want to try and change my game-plan and my attitude towards this sort of thing. Like i really want to stop being so depressed over my own loneliness and stop obsessing over rejection and blanketing that with my over-niceness....

but anyway, thanks for the link, i'll hold on to that for quite a while for referance...

[MrBojangles]

Let me tell you the only way you will get anywhere with girls.

You can read all the books
Get all the advice
Get the nicest clothes
Get all the friends
BLABLABLA

But the one thing that will give you ANY sort of standing point is actually HITTING on women. Yeah you feel like shit cause getting rejected sucks but get THIS in your head. If you don't have the balls to go up to a woman and with complete honesty tell her at some point of your interaction that you like her then honestly biology will tell you "too bad jerkoff, you dont get to breed". You can be the nicest guy, you can have all the friends, you can have all the sympathy but in the end it just comes down to having hardcore balls. That's what separates guys who get a girl every time they go out to the guys who jerk off at home every night.

It's literally all about balls. Good looking bad looking, doesn't matter. As long as you have balls I garantuee you will always have a girl at the end of the night assuming: your not socially retarded, you look/smell presentable.

That's the cold heart truth, you can go cry about it or you can do something about it. Your choice

[The Nice Guy849]

well, i feel there's more to it then that but you are deffinately right, and i really, really want to do something about it, not for them but also for myself, it's still very nerve racking though lol

[exrann]

As much as I hate it, I like guys that challenge me. With challenging I mean that they can take me down a notch. You don't want to have "nice" conversation with a girl that you're trying to get with. The only time that's going to work is if the girl already has the hots for you to begin with, but you shouldn't depend on that either. Most of the girls I know end up going for the jerks specifically because they like arguing and spice.

It's okay to be a little cocky. A girl tells you she's good at something, take her up on the challenge even if you don't think you can do as well. Be confident about yourself and let things roll off your shoulders. Smile and laugh a lot, keep some mystery to yourself and feel like you're important. You can be a "go with the flow" type, but with some spice. Never let a girl know you're all hers because that's the ultimate ego stroke, and she'll get bored and try to shoot higher.

Just a couple of my words of advice according to the guys I've been attracted to, and the girls I've known in my life. Hope it helps. Wish you all the best, guys like you shouldn't be ignored

[The Nice Guy849]

that's some pretty good advice, i guess i could put that into my game plan somehow, by go with the flow i meant like, i guess i should say i'm not *challenging* and the typical small talk person that's so *nice* you know? it brings me down because i dont even notice i do it...

Also umm, how do you guys like, NOT be so clingy for someone? like, i'll admit im a little clingytoo because well, i havent really scored for a few years lol....um, so, how do i get over it? I dont want to be so needy anymore cause i know it bothers people =/...

[Raze]

You are probably coming across as too nice and friendly... They might think you are a pushover. Women like to feel protected.

[SelflessnHumble]

You can't escape the friend zone if someone is consistently taken before meeting them!
This is what happens when you are single and they are taken.
Why you would invest your time and energy over someone who is already committed with someone else makes zero sense to me.

Nice Guys finish last, while this saying isn't 100% true consider the facts:

Most women want a man who:
-exudes confidence
-makes his own decisions (doesn't say: "whatever you want to do," or "Me too") <-----They hate this crap!
-isn't insecure
-isn't passive and who doesn't take control
-is assertive in what we wants

It's just a state of mind, nothing special.
Usually people are only sure of something when they do something as a habit.
So: STOP the habit of being a "nice guy" label who keeps meeting girls who are taken.

More to the point:
STOP being an emotional tampon because THIS is what you really are.
They will thank you, hug you, even give you a platonic kiss on the cheek (as some form of payment)
but you will never win the heart of someone who sees you as anything but a guy who has a chance with her.

[The Nice Guy849]

yea very true man, my progress with getting myself out of the nice guy label, in a way i could say, has been a real mental journey for me. I've questioned everything i do (not even about girls, about myself) things i do, my own habits, passions, everything. I've also started to be ALOT more firm with my decisions with other people and WOW has there been alot of positive impact, mostly for the fact( because like i said, i am mature and wise) that i am usually correct, and i give myself confidence as a thanks for making that decision.

To be honest, i am starting to see a little bit of WHY girls avoid nice guys, and why the say "hey they're nice" but wouldn't dare go any closer to them. Like they say, they like the niceness in the guy, but not the baggage that comes along with it. Over the past few days, the more i thank myself with confidence for my firm decisions, the WAY better i feel even about myself. i started thanking myself with confidence over my hard work with appearance(work outs), my school work, voluntarily doing chores around my house, just everything. I'm not going to go *overboard* and say i'm the best guy in the world because of all of that, but mostly because i guess in a way, i'm starting to appreciate my OWN self worth, and i want to maybe get girls who would appreciate my worth =) (not for like marriage but just companionship relationships i guess...)

Though i still don't know how like, i can let a girl know im INTO her, body language, and a little bit of the nervousness...i know how to talk and especially make a girl laugh(i'm pretty goofy), but, i think i'm seriously starting to get over my clingyness/insecurities. For my example...with a girl i've known who has been into me for a while(we sexted nd stuff), has stopped responding to me for whatever reason, i text her and she's been saying she's *busy* for a lil bit now to even text(which is obvious bullshit)...i felt HORRIBLE about this, and my insecurities wanted me to bombard her with texts asking *what's wrong with me??? Why don't you like me anymore??" but i didnt. But now, i dont really want to even text her, if she's being like that for no reason and wont give me an answer, then fine, lets me know a relationship would've failed anyway. Lets ME know that there are better, sexier, more outgoing girls out there that are just waiting for a guy like me to approach them.

So, advice givers, am i on the right track??? I may not have seemed like it before but i seriously took your guys' advice to heart lol

[Raze]

Let me tell you the only way you will get anywhere with girls.

That's what separates guys who get a girl every time they go out to the guys who jerk off at home every night.

Haven't you ever heard the phrase "it's quality not quantity"? I think he wants the former rather than the latter.

[HeartIsAching]

Ok, first off... forget it with the girls that are already your "friends". You've been categorized by them and it's pointless.

Go places where you might meet women - go places you LIKE go to, to do activities you LIKE to do. Walk your dog. Ride your bike. Go to church, if that's your bag. Go rock-climbing. Go bungee jumping... whatever. You WILL meet a female who's interested. Want to know how to know she's interested?

It's simple. Here's a truth I've used for decades now, and it's never failed me:

1. Look her in the eyes. Look NOWHERE ELSE.

2. Smile.

3. If she smiles back, you have a shot. If not, move on.

4. Strike up a conversation about whatever the activity is you're doing. You've got common ground, use it! If at the natural end of the conversation, she says something like "well, it was nice talking to you", there was no connection, and you can move on. If however, she says "Hope to see you again." or something similar, ASK HER OUT for something innocuous, like coffee. It doesn't have to be difficult, just nut up and ask. The worst she can do is say no.