the first time: scary?!

[ellietwo]

I'm together with my boyfriend for 3.5 months now, we're both 22 years old. I'm a virgin, he's not.

He's ready for sex, I don't really know if I am (when do you know?). He is really sweet about it, and he doesn't mind waiting. Recently, we agreed to go on a trip together. And he's planning to make it superromantic and special etc.
I know that he expects to have sex, and I'm actually okay with that. I want him too (he's really hot and I love him to death), but on the other hand I'm terrified of it. Surrendering for 100%, being so close and intimate and having to trust one-another completely.
I don't know that part of me, and I'm afraid I'll freeze mid-action or that I'll be horrible at it or boring ..
When he's around, and we're making out, I'm thinking: 'I'm so ready for this, it would be so easy'
But then when I'm alone, I am relieved we didn't do anything and I'm afraid again.
Is it 'normal' to want sex and being afraid of it at the same time? (...maybe I'm a sexofrenic lol)
It's just so confusing to feel so much at the same time!


I am planning on talking to him about it soon, I was just curious about your thoughts.

[smackie9]

Sex comes naturally. The first time with anyone even if you have had sex with others, it still can be nerve racking and awkward. Just like any aspect of a relationship you have to get to know each other sexually. If you know how to pleasure yourself, you will be able to guide him, and tell him what feels good to you. Don't expect him to do all the guess work. You must communicate with each other during sex. You need to ask him what he likes and what feels good too. It's all about give and take, and communication. If it feels good tell him, and make noises to show your approval. They say if you can't have sex with the lights on, then you are not ready.

[sweetkissesforu]

If he is a good man he will understand

[Ryan Heitzman]

I wish I was still a virgin to a certain degree. I didn't save the first moment for my future wife.

[Regnent]

Meh, I regret not having experiances pre wife.

[Gratedwasabi]

The reason it seems fine when you're making out and not when you're alone is hormones. God bless 'em.

Sex is easy. Really. It comes naturally. It might be awkward and probably not all that great the first (or first dozen) times but as far as "freezing" or being "horrible" you have nothing to fear. He's a guy. You're a virgin woman. He ain't going to last long and he won't be bored or notice if you're horrible at it. Trust me.

It could hurt, although if you're 22 you've probably knocked out the really painful part already so I wouldn't worry too much. Use lube the first few times, even if you think you're good to go without it; better safe then sorry.

It will be fine, though. It's like kissing. Remember before your first kiss being like "how the **** do I even do this? Press my lips against someone else's lips? That sounds lame. I'm going to suck at it." and then it happened and you didn't even think about it? Sex is the same way. We're programmed to know how. Just RELAX. Have a glass of wine or something first (don't get hammered, but a touch of buzz takes the inhibition and nerves off.)

And if your boyfriend lasts 30 seconds, don't laugh.

[MrCoffee]

If penetration feels like a natural extension of the making out you're doing at the moment, then you're probably ready for it. As long as you trust him enough to both take your time, to stop if it's not working or you have a change of heart. Worrying about it is only natural, as is having anxieties about being "afraid I'll freeze mid-action or that I'll be horrible at it or boring"; as Gratedwasabi says he'll love what you're both doing so much that the very thought of being bored or unimpressed will NOT cross his mind. It may well be when you talk to him that he's feeling a little worried about making your first time special and that you're not disappointed or thinking that he's horrible at it.

Talk to him about it, anxieties and all, in the cold light of day. Let him know how you feel, the good and the bad. If he's any kind of real man, and it sounds like he is, he'll bear everything you say in mind for your first time.

And if you do go through with it, I hope you enjoy it!

[ellietwo]

thanks a lot for the replies!
It kind of soothed me a little bit.

And now it's even more clear that I have to bring it up at the next opportunity.


"He's a guy. You're a virgin woman. He ain't going to last long and he won't be bored or notice if you're horrible at it. Trust me"
Gratedwasabi, I so do hope you are right ;-)

"It may well be when you talk to him that he's feeling a little worried about making your first time special and that you're not disappointed or thinking that he's horrible at it."
MrCoffee, I hadn't thought about it that way,
but I think that even if he is horrible (which I don't think :p) I wouldnt notice... since I don't really know what's coming.
and I hope we'll both enjoy it :-)

[ellietwo]

Sex comes naturally. The first time with anyone even if you have had sex with others, it still can be nerve racking and awkward. Just like any aspect of a relationship you have to get to know each other sexually. If you know how to pleasure yourself, you will be able to guide him, and tell him what feels good to you. Don't expect him to do all the guess work. You must communicate with each other during sex. You need to ask him what he likes and what feels good too. It's all about give and take, and communication. If it feels good tell him, and make noises to show your approval. They say if you can't have sex with the lights on, then you are not ready.

I might have to work on the sexual communication, though...
it still feels awkward to groan for example, but I notice
that when he does something like that it's a huge turn-on for me.
But hey, practice makes perfect :-)

[red_sparrow]

that sucks.

he's going to take a while to actually be able to please you if he's still a virgin.
but as you guys keep going, he'll find out what you like.

[red_sparrow]

thanks a lot for the replies!
It kind of soothed me a little bit.

And now it's even more clear that I have to bring it up at the next opportunity.


"He's a guy. You're a virgin woman. He ain't going to last long and he won't be bored or notice if you're horrible at it. Trust me"
Gratedwasabi, I so do hope you are right ;-)

"It may well be when you talk to him that he's feeling a little worried about making your first time special and that you're not disappointed or thinking that he's horrible at it."
MrCoffee, I hadn't thought about it that way,
but I think that even if he is horrible (which I don't think :p) I wouldnt notice... since I don't really know what's coming.
and I hope we'll both enjoy it :-)

HAHA. you don't know what's 'coming'... quite literally. well, i hope you do that requires skill on the part of the lover.

[ellietwo]

RedSparow, maybe I should be more careful in my writing, lol
and the 'skill' you are referring to, will hopefully develop

It is amazing you still are a virgin in this age. Few keep virginity till that age

Yes, I know that, but I don't think I missed out on anything, Imo there''s plenty of time

[qwertz]

I broke my virginity when I was just 13. I was sleeping with an uncle in a rented room. He was 19 and at night he pushed his ass in my anus. Lateron he held my cock tightly. I was feeling odd. It was in the dark and we could not see each other's face.I was feeling awakward for a while but I felt delighted at the end and Iejaculated even at that age.

I do not know whether it was offensive or anything that was the first taste of sex. It continued till I was 15

I could not have any woman to make love to until I was 24 and suddenly I came across a woman and made love to her.

Males mostly masturbate and ejaculate and still they think they are virgins. This is funny

.....................

[Areo]

lol what the hell

[doppelgaenger]

hey guys, don't feed the troll!