Girls sexual history is bothering me...

[dmacfour]

...I am prone to dwelling on negative things, and I know it.

I knew my girlfriend a few months before we started dating, and I was fully aware of her number for previous partners. She dated an acquaintance of mine. So when she told me it was 15 I wasn't surprised. She explained that she had a couple of bad break ups, and slept around for period of time, ending a little over two and a half years ago. She said she was safe the entire time, but regrets it so much to this day.

We're three months in, and I love her very much. She loves me even more. But thinking about her past puts me into a horrible mood. It comes and goes, and I usually get over it quickly. but right now I am on the verge of tears, not because I keep on thinking about other guys having her, but because I HATE that it bothers me. She is a great girlfriend, and I want nothing but happiness for both of us. I want to marry her someday.

Do you guys have advice on how I can deal with this, by either accepting it, or forgetting about it? For the record, I strangely never had moral standards for promiscuity and I don't know why I am bothered now.

EDIT: Could this emotion be caused because I have only had 3 partners and she has had a lot more (as in my lack of experience)?

[Ryan Heitzman]

Yeah, I wouldn't like that either. Don't let it bother you though.

[devonbrown]

Think about this - If the number of partners was reversed, how would you expect her to feel?
I am not saying you are wrong to feel the way you do. You can't control the way you feel. But my advice is simple... Don't stress about things you have no control over. Unless you have discovered a way to go back in time and start dating her before she had other partners, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Concentrate on the present and see what the future holds. The past might have been necessary to lead you to each other.
Good luck.

[dmacfour]

Think about this - If the number of partners was reversed, how would you expect her to feel?
I am not saying you are wrong to feel the way you do. You can't control the way you feel. But my advice is simple... Don't stress about things you have no control over. Unless you have discovered a way to go back in time and start dating her before she had other partners, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Concentrate on the present and see what the future holds. The past might have been necessary to lead you to each other.
Good luck.

I'll try my best. I am in an emotionally volatile state right now. I dropped her off to the airport for break today, and I already miss her. and now I started thinking about this and it got to me. But it was never an issue during the first month. If it was that big of a deal I would have bailed and never dated her. There is no danger of breaking up, I just don't have the emotional maturity to make these emotions go away effectively yet.

Also I am trying to put myself into her shoes. She knows that I drank heavily 2-3 nights a week for almost a year before we started dating, so there are details of my past that she has right to not be happy about either.

[VincenzoG91]

If this relationship fails because of this issue, then at least you learned something important about yourself. Next time, Don't Ask and Don't Tell.

[dmacfour]

If this relationship fails because of this issue, then at least you learned something important about yourself. Next time, Don't Ask and Don't Tell.

It's not going to. I won't let something foolish like this ruin something this good in my life.

[MerryH]

Do you often sabotage your own happiness? Do you punch yourself in the balls much? You could probably say this jealousy thing is your brain punching itself in the balls.

[MerryH]

...That made sense, right?

[dmacfour]

Do you often sabotage your own happiness? Do you punch yourself in the balls much? You could probably say this jealousy thing is your brain punching itself in the balls.

Yeah I do? What does it mean?

[MerryH]

I don't know, I'm not a shrink, but do you think it has to do with you not feeling worthy of her (or maybe anyone) as your girlfriend because you don't think very highly of yourself? So you invent reasons to push her away, or something.

[dmacfour]

I don't know, I'm not a shrink, but do you think it has to do with you not feeling worthy of her (or maybe anyone) as your girlfriend because you don't think very highly of yourself? So you invent reasons to push her away, or something.

Def sounds like what I'm dealing with. It didn't even phase me before we dated. It shouldn't now. and it isn't the first thing I've been bothered by that I shouldn't be.

Also this shows how good having a degree in psychology has helped me (If anything, it makes things worse for me).

[smackie9]

It's partly because subconsciously you are wondering if you will ever stack up to all these guys she's been with and maybe she she compares you to some of them. It's a normal reaction and yes it takes a degree of maturity to look past her past. But another clue is that this issue wasn't a problem for the first month, that's because you weren't in love yet. Now that you are in love the very thought of her being with someone else is killing you. It's just a phase that everyone goes through when they are newly in love. It will pass in time and you will settle into a nice relationship.

[blent]

It's partly because subconsciously you are wondering if you will ever stack up to all these guys she's been with and maybe she she compares you to some of them. It's a normal reaction and yes it takes a degree of maturity to look past her past. But another clue is that this issue wasn't a problem for the first month, that's because you weren't in love yet. Now that you are in love the very thought of her being with someone else is killing you. It's just a phase that everyone goes through when they are newly in love. It will pass in time and you will settle into a nice relationship.

That's partly true for me. I personally wouldn't be able to deal with the fact that she got railed by 15 guys before me, that's just gross. To me, girls that are easier to get into bed are less desirable than the girls that will make you earn it. I don't know exactly why, I just don't like the idea that all these other guys had their way with her as well.

[SapphireBerry]

Focusing on my own response, regardless of what anyone else has answered previously. I think you just need to move on with it, the past is the past you know, what's done is done, I'm sure she'd feel slightly insecure if it was you but when you are with her all that has to matter is you and her, no other guys having her. If she's happy and she loves you that is all that should really matter, if you guys are going great and no rough patches right now you have nothing to feel conscious about. I know that people's pasts can sometimes shape them as people, i know mine has, but you just need to trust her, she said she regrets it fully which means she probably isn't looking at considering that same move again.

It sounds to me like you are creating a problem out of nothing, if she were to go behind your back with clear evidence then there is obviously something to feel worried about, but seems to me as though you guys are great together so whenever you're with her just think about you, her, your potential future together and the moment, not the past, a wise (not so wise actually) person told me 'we live in the present, not the past', she's all yours now and no one elses, just remember she loves you and i'm sure she will remind you of that quite often if she really does. Hope I'm of some help

Sapphire x

[Boisdevie]

Who cares how many guys she's been with - she's with you now - treasure that