I'm not attracted to her..

[lumpy]

A few years ago I had a crush on a female "online" friend of mine, but since I don't really believe in online flings nor do I want to look like a horny lonely creeper, I decided to keep my distance and just treat her like a normal friend. It wasn't until a year ago while really intoxicated that I confessed my feelings to her, and, much to my surprise, it turned out she had a long-time crush on me as well. She just thought I was gay because I was the only guy who never hit on her! So we began a normal online 'romance' with the intent of one day meeting up- only then would we really know if we were meant to be.

After a month or so of what seemed like absolute long-distance bliss, she began revealing a side of her which I have never seen- a dark and disturbing side which started setting off red-flags inside my head. We hadn't even met and yet the first and most alarming of her traits was her seemingly uncontrollable addiction to sleeping pills. She would take 12 of these at once to put herself to sleep each night- and I'm not talking about harmless benadryls here. She really didn't care if they had tylenol or not! She said she needed them to calm her anxiety levels or else she couldn't sleep.

I snapped at her and tried, unsuccessfully, to break up. I mean, why couldn't she have chosen a hardcore illegal narcotic that doesn't kill your liver? Being addicted to tylenol-containing sleeping pills didn't make sense to me when there were clearly tylenol-free alternatives that didn't do much harm. Besides, she had extreme anger issues, uncontrollable anxiety, and a reckless attitude in life which I knew I was simply not strong enough to help her with. She needed someone better than me.

Unfortunately this attempt at running away killed whatever trust she had in me and dulled-down the carefree child-like happiness that I once saw in her. She became very paranoid and hateful of me but we still went on and had three IRL visits before deciding to put the past behind us and finally move in together in person.

Her family loved me enough that they decided to let me move into their house where I could rent a room with her. We're currently engaged and scheduled to get married in a few months, but there's a few problems between us and I don't know what to do.

I love her very much, and she loves me just as much as I love her. I'm 100% certain right now that she's the person I want to marry, but an issue that has come between us is her weight.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a shallow person. I'm thin and athletic and I take care of my body and I eat well and lots of girls are attracted to me, and yet I've only ever had 2 sex partners including my GF. her family calls me a miracle, and nobody believes how a girl like her was able to get a guy like me because I knew full well that she was morbidly obese from the beginning and I didn't care.

Unfortunately though, despite the deep romantic connection that we share and despite the fact that I am 100% committed to her, I'm still not attracted to her in bed A lot of the time I have erection troubles and I just don't ever feel the urge to make love and she is starting to notice that it's become a bit of a chore to me..

Sex is really important to her and the strange thing is that I'm starting to feel like the 'girl' in the relationship- not wanting to do it most of the time and giving in only for the sake of keeping her happy.

What can we do? She simply does not have the willpower or mental-strength to become fit, and she certainly does not respect me enough to ever follow my advice when it comes to eating right. She's the dominant one in this relationship and I'm the submissive type- she's always cursing at me when I make mistakes and I'm always the one apologizing so I don't know what to do..

[Regnent]

Weigh it on a little mental scale. How important is this to you?
If it's a fairly major thing, there might be nothing you can do.

As it stands, if it were important, you have 3 choices.
Suffer with it.
Break up.
Talk to her about it. It'll probably have an impact, but it could very well not be an impact you want to deal with.

[vashti]

I didn't read your whole post, but you should know that prescribed medications are metabolized through the liver or kidneys, just like OTC meds, and plenty of people are addicted to prescribed sleep medication. Personally, addicts are a deal-breaker for me. I have to deal with them at work on a regular basis, and quite honestly, they disgust me.

[Sonrisa]

i say give her an absolute ultimatum to lose weight prior to the wedding. if she does and you're still not attracted to her then break it up, and if it does help then get married.

[Sonrisa]

I didn't read your whole post, but you should know that prescribed medications are metabolized through the liver or kidneys, just like OTC meds, and plenty of people are addicted to prescribed sleep medication. Personally, addicts are a deal-breaker for me. I have to deal with them at work on a regular basis, and quite honestly, they disgust me.

he was asking if he should marry an obese girl that he is not attracted to?

[lumpy]

i say give her an absolute ultimatum to lose weight prior to the wedding. if she does and you're still not attracted to her then break it up, and if it does help then get married.

I don't think she would take that very well. If she found out that what she suspects is true (that I'm not attracted to her) then she would be very very crushed.

So far I have been keeping it a secret so the only one suffering here is me.

I would hate myself if I ever dumped a girl just for looks alone.

[Regnent]

You're gonna dump someone over something. So what if it's looks.
If you're not going to meet her needs because you're arn't met, it's not really working out for either of yah.

[smackie9]

If you already have an issue with the way she looks now, it will always be an issue. Just think what she's going to look like when she's with child. Not to mention the years of health issues she will be facing. If you can't get it up what the hell are you being engaged to her for? Marriage is no picnic dude, it's a whole lot of work and I know you ain't ready for it. I suggest you quit now while you are ahead.

[Boisdevie]

So you're engaged to a woman that you're not attracted to. And to a woman who sounds like she has serious problems. Unless you REALLY enjoy being a victim then I would end it right NOW. Your relationship is going nowhere.

[sweetkissesforu]

Get a backbone and tell her the truth that ure weight is the cause of ure erction problem if she choose not to do anything then you leave

[reeba]

Why don't you tell her to pop some speed/meth to take off some of that weight, since the other drugs aren't a deal breaker with you?

I agree with Vashti's post. Fat isn't the issue here. The deal breaker is the sleeping pills/anxiety. Self medicating by taking sleeping pills/downers definitely slows down the metabolism and making her get a little too cushy. Get her to drop the pills and get some therapy, and the weight will drop too.

[Ryan Heitzman]

Not saying your wrong, but I don't believe in online dating. How will you ever know the hot girl in the picture could be a discusting old perv?

[warriormaiden]

^^apparently you've had issues with dating online and ugly old pervs.

You want to marry someone you're not attracted to. That's real smart.
The physical part is the LEAST of your problems. She sounds abusive, not only to you, but to herself as well. She needs help. I suggest you back off and leave her alone. And I suggest you do this as soon as possible, because if the real truth were to come out about you and her appearance then it could appear to her and her family that you were using them all.

[Ryan Heitzman]

No. That's what I've always heard. I can be pretty naive though.

[warriormaiden]

That doesn't happen all the time, you know.