What's the next play?

[Zaza]

OK --

So I've been hanging out with this girl. about the 3rd time we hang out she cooks me dinner at her place. After a few glasses of wine, her openly discussing her sex life with me, and some suggestive talk from her, we end up making out and feeling each other up. just before it gets heavy (i.e. clothes start coming off) she asks me to stop because she's still getting over a bad relationship. i told her i can respect that and we chit chat about other things for a few minutes. then she comes and lays down on top of me. we don't do anything except hold each other for a while cause she just told me to stop feeling her up. by this time its late and time for me to head home. i tell her good night, she kisses me again for a while, and i'm off to my own house (work early the next day =/ ). this all happened on a monday

anyways, i only texted her once during the week thanking her for dinner and a nice evening. on the weekend when i actually had some free time, i decided to give her a call again. we play phone tag / text tag over the weekend and never get to meet up anywhere. finally on monday (this is a week after our dinner) i text her to see if she wants to go out with us on wednesday, she texts me that she really enjoys hanging out with me but is far from anything more than friendship and the other night made her realize that, and that she's pretty broken... (i guess she had a pretty bad break up recently).

I tell her no worries, i enjoy hanging out with her as well, but i'm not looking for anything more than friendship right now anyways and that i hope she finds the healing she needs. i also told her that if she ever needs to get out of the house she's always welcome to join myself and my friends when we go out on the town.

She says she wants to do that, and also says that she's not saying she doesn't want to hang out, but that she just wanted me to know that. I said thanks, and have a good night. Haven't talked to her since.

Can anyone help me understand the mind of this girl? I don't want a relationship, and neither does she, and now i can't tell if she wants me to call her again or not. Usually if someone says they're not ready for anything other than friendship thats kinda like a hint that says "i don't want to see you anymore." but then she follows that up by saying she doesn't mean she doesn't want to hang out at all, just wanted me to know she's not ready for anything other than friendship.

in my limited male understanding of female "hints" this is either a girl whose just to afraid to be blunt (i.e. doesn't want to see me again) or she's trying to initiate some sort of friends with benefits fling. advice anybody? do i call invite her out again? or just let her sweat it out? is there even a next play?

[Boisdevie]

She needs to decide what she wants - until she does that you're going to have problems with this woman.

[Zaza]

So do i contact her again or no?

[RdHrshyKss]

hmmm...i'm a girl and i have to say that even i am confused by what her real intentions are. i guess the easiest thing for you to do would be to invite her out one more time with you and your friends. hopefully she'll give you a better answer this time around...either she'll go out with you guys and you'll be able to figure it out then...or she'll say no thanks. if she says no thanks, i'd say move on and not bother making the effort to contact her unless she contacts you first.

in either case, i think she's probably just looking at you as a rebound. maybe her ex is still in the picture and that's what is making her act so weird. it's not really your concern if that's the case. invite her out one more time, and go from there.

[Natty Bumpo]

just to be clear... you're not looking for a relationship right? if so, stop worrying. friends with benefits only work when you take your emotions out of the picture. by all means, always be a gentleman and always be respectful of a lady, but at the same time don't worry about committal issues. if you're the rebound, who cares. if you want to hook up with her, then go for it. if she wants to then she'll be hoping you call her again soon. and if not, ya'll aren't attached to each other anyways so who cares. move on.

[girl68]

I'm of the opinion it means she's not interested romantically or friends. She isn't the FWB type I don't think and she will continually sell you out if she's invited. So IMO don't invite her out again. And if you do I wouldn't be all that surprised if she's busy or whatever exscuse she comes up with. You ended it on good terms leave it like that.

[devonbrown]

The best you can do is take her at her word. Maybe invite her out again casually next time you and your friends hang out. Or, if nothing else, call or text her in a few days just to see how she is doing. But keep it very casual. She will move things along if and when she is ready. And if she is never ready, then at least you are attempting to hang out with someone who you enjoy.

[Zaza]

ok -- so she texted me the other night to see if i was going out. keep in mind, i haven't talked to her since that last weird text i mentioned in the first post. i told her i was going out with some friends and told her where i was going to be. she texts me later to tell me shes going to come with some of her friends.

so i get there after her with my crowd and spot her hanging out with her friends. she doesn't seem to be having a good time. i casually engage her group, and chat her up a bit here and there while still taking time to hang out with my friends as well. it looks like she's in a little bit of a fight with one of her friends, so she's not having the best time. after about 30 minutes or so, her group decides to leave so she heads out too.

what's the deal with this girl? do i take this as a sign to call her again?

[Boisdevie]

She is unhinged and does not know what she wants - find somebody 'normal'