Did she string me along?

[mmiller5373]

We were together for about 2 years, but toward the one year mark, things just weren't the same. A few weeks before the two year anniversay, I told her I wanted out because I felt like I was putting in more work than she was. It was like she cared about me, but didn't care enough, ya know? We both thought it was best to see other people...

When the 2 year anniversary came up, she strangely wanted to hang out. We did, but it was awkward. This was in March 2010. I still had feelings for her, but she just wanted to remain friends and that upset me a lot. That I was trying to work things out and she didn't want to. I ended up getting angry and told her some things about how she's selfish and blah blah blah...

We both cut off contact and started seeing other people in March and April. Nothing serious. I ended up realizing that I still loved my ex, so I got back into contact with her at the end of April. She wanted no part of it. Pretty much ignored me and told me to move on. I was heart broken and tried to get her back for a few weeks, but failed. During that time, she was telling my grandmother behind my back that she loved me and wanted things to work out, so it was weird for her to tell me the complete opposite.

Then the ex randomly shows up at my college graduation and party one night in May. I'm still in love with her, so I try to kiss her that night, but she pushes away. A few weeks later I decide that I'm going to move about 4 hours away. She finds out about it and begs me to stay. I tell her I have to move. We end up getting back together and things are great for about 2 weeks, then she gets on my computer in June 2010 and my FB is logged in... she reads my messages and finds out about some "stuff" that happened between me and another girl while we were broken up in April. She gets upset about it and pretty much says it's over with me now.

A week goes by and I get some messages from her saying she still wants it to work, but that she needs time. I tell her I'm tired of her not knowing what she wants anymore. She tells me she loves me and we're back together at the end of June. I move away on July 1st. Things are great and perfect, even though it's tough for me to go back and see her.

August 1st, we go away with my family for the weekend. We're totally in love again, no fighting, just a romance that was like the first year together. When I leave, she begs me to stay with her for another day. Of course, I can't, so I drive to my house about 4 hours away. My family discusses some concerns about my ex to me... they think she is too quiet and hasn't tried hard enough to be friendly toward them. This part is true. My ex pretty much didn't say a word to my mother. She stayed downstairs the entire trip... kind of anti-social. So I call my ex and tell her she needs to try harder... blah blah blah... and it turns into a fight.

I sense a distance between us over the next few weeks. She pretty much stopped calling me, yet I saw her FB updates saying that she was happy and that she was going out a lot. I thought giving her her space was the best thing. Then August 24th, she sends me a text breaking up with me.

I spent September and October trying to get her back, calling her way too much and showing up at her house to see her two times. That ended badly, with her pretty much saying she wants nothing to do with me anymore. I sensed there was another guy and I asked her if there was someone else, but she said no, up until the last time I talked with her October. From that point on she ignored every contact I made with her. Even changed her number.

I recently found out through FB (we're not friends on there anymore, I found out through a mutal friend) that she uploaded some romantic kissing pictures of her and another guy in Mid-September, just 2 weeks after she broke up with me. Apparently, this was the same guy she was "seeing" when we were broken up in April. But for her to upload romantic pictures of them, that means it's pretty serious to her. We didn't even have pictures like that. Seems to me like she had this guy on the sideline the entire time... Or maybe I was on the sideline?... I honestly don't know what to think, but I've had nothing but obsessive thoughts on this thing for months.

[BeingAlpha]

Sorry to hear about all of this man. I would say this though -- you are obsessing over someone that would break up with you via TEXT MESSAGE? Dude...that person is not a nice person. Move on, give your love to one of the 1000s of girls out there that deserve it. And I know that this is a hard pill to swallow but really? VIA TEXT MESSAGE?

Let it go...I am sorry

[mmiller5373]

I know man... I don't get it either.

[IncognitoSir]

MAn come on! Is this really what you think love is? This is punishment and you're doing it to yourself. She aint worth two shits man and you deserve someone who can at least be consistent damn. Get her out of your life and take a nice long look at your self esteem man. You've got to put "self" first. Go find a girl thats worth all the sacrifices of a relationship!

[smackie9]

This happen because you both didn't have proper closure the first time. People tend to not let go because they think they can get back what they had before. It's like beating a dead horse. You both needed to move on, and you both needed to accept that the relationship had ended a long time ago. She didn't lead you on, you both were just confused as to what you wanted.

[mmiller5373]

I kinda feel that the relationship ended even longer ago then what I mentioned. She broke up with me around the 1.5 year mark, but came running back after 2 weeks. Maybe it was because we were both afraid of letting go and being alone?

I care about her and wish her the best, but I still feel so sad knowing she's in someone elses arms and that she wants nothing to do with me.

[SealedWithAKISS]

You can't force her to love you but you can woo her with your charm. She may not return. THe other thing is some attractions are based on emotions and physical attraction and the hurt stems from loosing that physical contact. But you should learn to let her go out of love. If you love some one set them free. If they return, they are yours, etc.

What is frustrating in your case is you let her go and she returned, but now, she won't. So, let her be. What she did to you she may do to the next guy so do not take it personally. Its how she acts in this situation.

Did she lead you on? Maybe a little but that's part of the dating game and its beside the point. Is she with you now or with someone else? The answer to this question should direct your actions and efforts.

[BeingAlpha]

Please don't follow in my foot steps and hold onto this idea that someday she will realize that she made a mistake. She won't. She probably isn't making a mistake -- you probably aren't right for her....for any number of reasons. Let it go -- be very very weary if she reaches out to you -- ignore it frankly ... and move on.

Life will get better but only if you don't let your past (her ) destroy your future (any other girl out there). It gets better, then harder...then better...

[mmiller5373]

Please don't follow in my foot steps and hold onto this idea that someday she will realize that she made a mistake. She won't. She probably isn't making a mistake -- you probably aren't right for her....for any number of reasons. Let it go -- be very very weary if she reaches out to you -- ignore it frankly ... and move on.

Life will get better but only if you don't let your past (her ) destroy your future (any other girl out there). It gets better, then harder...then better...

I think that she's going to expect this new guy to put up with her like I did. I think he will in the beginning, but once her true personality comes out he'll realize he ain't gettin anything good from it. I have a feeling that that's when I'll get a phone call. I'm not counting on it though, because my behavior afterwards pushed her away even more (my constant calling...)

[Boisdevie]

I think that she's going to expect this new guy to put up with her like I did. I think he will in the beginning, but once her true personality comes out he'll realize he ain't gettin anything good from it. I have a feeling that that's when I'll get a phone call. I'm not counting on it though, because my behavior afterwards pushed her away even more (my constant calling...)

DO NOT WAIT FOR A PHONE CALL FROM HER. Sounds like you are bitter and unable to move on with your life - that is not good. Your relationship with her is OVER, like FINISHED - for whatever reason. So move on.

[cmacattack1]

I'm just wondering where you thought things would change? You were putting in more work from day one, you felt like it wasn't enough at the end of the first year, and yet you made it to almost two years? It should be pretty apparent that while she likes having you around when she needs it, she is only thinking of herself and what she needs. You provide it for her when it's convenient for her, and when you are moving away because you want to, she begs you to stay? After she wanted out and away from you? And you give in? I know you can't help how you feel but you have to be rational about this. She is not the only girl for you and you will find love with somebody else. The fact that she treats you this way, and that you allow it to happen, makes you all the more the sad and tragic figure.

Take from this the all-important lessons. When you notice somebody isn't putting in 100 percent of their effort, if they don't want to grow with you, it's going to stagnate. Second, if she wants to break up with you, begging them, calling them, will only push them away. It will make them feel like their decision was even more correct. Nothing is more pathetic than a blubbering "I can't live without you" begging and pining after them. If you don't respect who you are with, you won't get anywhere with them. She stopped respecting you a long time ago.

She could use a reality check. This guy may give it to her, and refuse her shit from the get go. He may fall into place like you did with her. She is going to have to learn it the hard way from somebody and that somebody isn't you. You may care about her, you may want to help her, you may want to be with her, but you just can't. You know better. Stop looking at her facebook, stop trying to figure out ways to win her back, start concentrating on yourself. What you need. How to be better at your job or school, how to get in great shape and eat right, what you enjoy doing and pursuing them with reckless abandon. You want to move 4 hours away for a better job or for your personal preference? Do just that. Don't build your life around somebody else though because they can't guarantee anything. The only thing guaranteed is what you do, and you have control over that.

You can't help how you feel about her, but you can control what you do. What you have been doing has got you to where you are today. Isn't it time for a change in behavior and attitude?

[bcguy87]

Just wondering... While you were sending her all those texts and calling her non stop, did you bother to ask her to return your balls back? I know it sounds rude but man, come on, lets put 2 and 2 together. She isn't worth it if she's breaking up with you over a text message.

[mmiller5373]

I'm just wondering where you thought things would change? You were putting in more work from day one, you felt like it wasn't enough at the end of the first year, and yet you made it to almost two years? It should be pretty apparent that while she likes having you around when she needs it, she is only thinking of herself and what she needs. You provide it for her when it's convenient for her, and when you are moving away because you want to, she begs you to stay? After she wanted out and away from you? And you give in? I know you can't help how you feel but you have to be rational about this. She is not the only girl for you and you will find love with somebody else. The fact that she treats you this way, and that you allow it to happen, makes you all the more the sad and tragic figure.

Take from this the all-important lessons. When you notice somebody isn't putting in 100 percent of their effort, if they don't want to grow with you, it's going to stagnate. Second, if she wants to break up with you, begging them, calling them, will only push them away. It will make them feel like their decision was even more correct. Nothing is more pathetic than a blubbering "I can't live without you" begging and pining after them. If you don't respect who you are with, you won't get anywhere with them. She stopped respecting you a long time ago.

She could use a reality check. This guy may give it to her, and refuse her shit from the get go. He may fall into place like you did with her. She is going to have to learn it the hard way from somebody and that somebody isn't you. You may care about her, you may want to help her, you may want to be with her, but you just can't. You know better. Stop looking at her facebook, stop trying to figure out ways to win her back, start concentrating on yourself. What you need. How to be better at your job or school, how to get in great shape and eat right, what you enjoy doing and pursuing them with reckless abandon. You want to move 4 hours away for a better job or for your personal preference? Do just that. Don't build your life around somebody else though because they can't guarantee anything. The only thing guaranteed is what you do, and you have control over that.

You can't help how you feel about her, but you can control what you do. What you have been doing has got you to where you are today. Isn't it time for a change in behavior and attitude?

I honestly don't know why I thought things would change. I guess it was because she would always come running back after I was out of her life, so I figured she would try harder.

And I didn't give into her... I did move away. It was the best thing for me.

I use to be a different person. I was confident, outgoing, and took pleasure in life. Over the past year or so I've become a different person; pretty much placing my happiness in her hands. I don't know why it happened. I guess it was because I felt like I was doing so much for her, but not getting much in return.

I've read a lot recently about what you are and are not suppose to do with an ex... I did everything wrong after the breakup, even though it's probably for the best. Pushing her away even more will be better for me in the long run.

She will get a reality check and it's really sad. I know there's nothing I can do about it. Her brother-in-law feels that it's going to take some abusive guy to come along to make her realize that she's selfish and that what she did was wrong. She still hasn't even told her family about this new guy (and lies about him too) and she's been with him for about 3 months now.

I'm going 100% NC with her, her friends, and family. I need time to heal. Can't get caught up in it all.

Right now, I feel totally used, confused, and yes it's sad, abandoned. I just want to know why she kept coming back to me to only break it off again? Did she love me? Or was it all just a selfish thing based on what she wants. Did she realize she wasn't getting what she wanted from me and that this new guy would give it to her? When she broke it off with me she blamed me for everything too. Never once said she did anything wrong.

Also, I will throw it in there that she is a virgin. About 4 months into our relationship she told me and we decided we would wait for marriage. That's what she wanted and I respected it. It was tough and yes at times I would try to push her into trying to do things, but I never forced her. There was some touching and kissing, but never anything close to sex. Yet, when she breaks up with me she blames me for forcing her into the touching, saying that it was all a waste to her.

I know it all seems sad and tragic... but please, I don't want to hear negative comments.

[Boisdevie]

Finding someone new might help.

Worked very well for me. When you're having amazing sex with somebody it's surprising how you forget - oh what was her name?

[BeingAlpha]

Hey man - I would like to think that neither of our exes are toying with us out of malice -- more confusion, fear, hurt whatever it is...but they are doing it.

I was doing great without my ex, had been seeing other girls etc.. then she came right back into my life (but just for the night). She called it break up sex...great we broke up 3 months ago. She contacted me and said she was still hurting, still wanted to reach out to me when big things were happening in her life. I told her I didn't feel the same way -- and since she told me "I wasn't right for her," etc.. it was her job to stay away...she in a very combative tone said "is there some sort of law?"

WTF?!!!

So to answer your question - yes! -- your ex is selfish she thinks only of the fact that she needs to hear from you -- for whatever reason and once she feels better she moves on again -- she takes no consideration for what the constant reaching out and breaking away does to you. Mine seemed oblivious to the fact that every time she did that it gave me hope that we would get back together.

Its also fun to hear her say her life is empty without me in it in the same breath as she says she doesn't want to spend her life with me...what the hell? In all honesty though that line was EXACTLY what I needed...there is nothing more definitive than that and in my mind for a commitment phobe even to commit to it being over is a huge thing..at least I got her to commit...and provide me some closure -- no more of this wishy washy stuff.

So call it a new years resolution, call it whatever but I am committed to moving on -- 100% moving on. I will need to muster the strength to never reach out and to never answer. Sooooo hard.

Hang in there man -- let it go..seriously let it go. take out your phone delete the number and all the text messages..go into your email account and delete all the sent/or received emails, get rid of everything she ever got you and anything that reminds you of her...only way to do it. Even if it means giving up something of high value YOU must do it.

Good luck man..I truly understand you.