Any advice is appreciated on this one...

[JacobFranklin89]

Allow me to condense 1 1/2 years of history into a few paragraphs.

I met Brittni in July of 2009. I was living with my parents at the time and she hers. We had gone out on a date in that month and things moved quickly from there. In September, we had moved out together. Her daughter, Lyla--5 months old at the time--came with us. I went from 0 to 60 in a matter of days, raising a child who was not my own and living the life of a married man. I'd say I adapted pretty quickly. But I made a terribly stupid decision that only time and experience could allow me to see.

Why was this a dumb decision? Because Brittni was a cheater.

The first time she cheated on me was in October of 2009--Halloween, to be exact. Times were tough. Really tough. I was out of work and we were staying at her parents' house for a few weeks. Brittni was working as a secretary at a local company called TLI. She became good friends with one of the computer technicians named Joey. I had always suspected that something was going on between them. She would come home, go to her room, and immediately call him. I summoned up the gumption one night to look through her text messages. Low of me, no doubt, but my suspicions were confirmed by several inappropriate text messages that he had sent her. I confronted her on this one night and she was pretty much speechless. I naively thought that I had put an end to their behavior by confronting her on it. Wrong.

Joey had invited us to a party at his house for Halloween. I wanted badly to go--I was 20 and there would be alcohol. So we went, and this was a grave mistake. Long story short, Brittni and Joey had sex in his bathroom.

She told me about it a few nights later as we were laying in bed. There were tears, apologies, etc. I didn't leave her, though. I forgave her for what she did in the hopes that my mercy and love would show her the error of her ways. Wrong again.

She cheated on me again with my brother while I was at work. Twice, to be exact. But I still wouldn't leave her.

Many of you reading this may wonder why I continued to let her treat me this way, especially after I had forgiven her. It's the same reasoning that an abused wife uses when staying with her abusive husband. She doesn't know/can't imagine a life outside of her marriage, and also believes that she can change him for the better. I certainly couldn't imagine leaving the life that I had made with Brittni and Lyla. Youthful naivete caused me to think that I could perhaps change her.

I've stayed with her since this last incident. Something about our relationship had died, though. I'm irritated all the time. I don't trust her anymore. I don't love her like I used to. I can't. At the same time, my parents love seeing Lyla. They view her as their own. If I left Brittni--and what a tantalizing prospect that has become!--they would be deprived of seeing her, which would devastate them.

I am so lost.

[Bella82]

From what you say, you seem like you want to leave but are caught up with worries about pleasing/hurting other people in the process (ie your parents, Lyla, Brittni). Don't stay in this relationship because of other people. Sure, your parents will be sad not to see Lyla anymore, and I know I'm stating the obvious here but: she's not your daughter, and she's not their granddaughter. I understand that you all have formed a strong bond with her, but above all else, your parents would want for you to be happy and would weigh your happiness over their being able to see her.

As for Brittni and your relationship with her, it's extremely abusive.. but I think you know that. From your post, it seems like you're only around 22. Don't waste your life with someone that treats you like garbage. In my opinion the best thing you can do for yourself and your happiness is to find someone who respects you... and doesn't cheat on you!

[JacobFranklin89]

Thanks. Good to hear a word of wisdom that confirms what I'm feeling.

[twinrexes]

IF she's testing you with these outside relationships to see what you'll do, she has her answer; nothing. So why should she stop? Your parents will get over it if you move on. You'll marry someone who deserves you and give them some brand new, legitimate grandchildren to dote on.

[lafonda]

answer this: were there more happy times between you two than sad? I've had to ask myself that multiple times. If the answer is yes, then the relationship is worth salvaging. If not, you both need to sit down and have a long talk. See if you can work through it all. If not, neither of y'all be angry, but agree to go seperate ways but be friends of sorts and civil.

[wellami]

The key thing to me is that you can't trust her anymore. Once you have started to distrust somebody, it takes a lot to get that trust back. And they have to show that they are willing to work to earn that trust. The first thing she did after abusing your trust was... abuse it again. She is clearly demonstrating that you will never be able to trust her. You will be living a life of suspicion and constantly checking up on her. Both of you will end up feeling suffocated by that. At the age of 22 or so you have plenty of years ahead of you to meet other people and have children of your own in a loving and trusting relationship. It sounds like holding on to this one, when you seem to realise that is the wrong thing to do, will potentially end up with you feeling bitter and being suspicious of your next partner. I've been through something similar and it is really hard to build up to trusting again. Talking is always good, but to be honest if you are at the stage where you are deliberately reading her texts I'd say this relationship has gone about as far as it can.

If you can talk and part as friends, your parents may even be able to continue to see Lyla. My cousin has managed this; he and his parents still see his ex-girlfriend's child even though it isn't his. But the longer you hold on to the relationship the less likely it is that you can part amicably, and the more damage it will potentially do to your next relationship.

[Boisdevie]

So she had sex with someone else and now you don't trust her, Well no shit sherlock - find somebody else

[devonbrown]

The last couple posts are exactly right. Without trust, the relationship is in a no-win situation. It will eventually fail, whether you choose to end it now or not. And I have a feeling if your parents know why the relationship ended, they would side with you and support you.
Good luck.

[devonbrown]

lafonda - I am not sure I agree with you here. If you only use the number of happy times versus number of sad times as the criteria for staying together, then you could find yourself in a relationship where you are only happy 51% of the time. Yes, that is more often than you are sad, but wouldn't you like to have a higher percentage of happy times?