when is it a "relationship" to girls

[Zaza]

so when do you ladies feel as though you're in a "relationship?"

there's a lot of different things to consider... is it when you kiss, hold hands, give him a BJ, have sex, etc.?

for example, let's say you hang out casually with a guy 4 or 5 times, and on the 5th date you go down on him... relationship?

or let's say you've hung out with a guy pretty regularly for a month (he's buying your meals), and finally he decides to hold your hand... relationship?

i'm not talking about "we've had a conversation," more along the lines of, "OK, we've done X, Y or Z, so now we're probably in a relationship and probably need to define this."

let the differing viewpoints begin!

[girl68]

it ain't official until explicity said so. Though I do like to be "seeing" someone exclusively even if he isn't my "boyfriend"

[Take2]

Yep, whenever we agree that it is a relationship. Neither one of us can decide that without agreement. Assuming it is a relationship, it is exclusive, it is casual, really assuming anything about what is basically an exercise in jointness...is a bad idea and a recipe for hurt and misunderstanding.

[vertical_sky]

I'm with the other posters, it ain't exclusive til agreed upon. If you're looking to relay on actions, the meaning attached can be wildly different girl to girl... Some girls are exclusive when they have sex with someone, some when they cuddle, some when they go to church with the guy! The easiest and best way to tell is just to broach the subject.

[Zaza]

so what do you do if you've gone out with a guy for a few weeks, done a few things, and haven't broached the subject?

[Take2]

so what do you do if you've gone out with a guy for a few weeks, done a few things, and haven't broached the subject?

Broach it! Or live with uncertainty. Those are your only two options, really.

The good news is that the broacher actually has the easier job, because the onus to ANSWER the question first is on the other person . I mean, you say "Hey, I just want to make sure we are on the same page, and I don't mean this as a loaded question at all, but how do you see this thing between us?" And it is HARD to work up the nerve to do that. But then you are in the clear, because the other person needs ot answer first and then you are free to disagree or agree. That's the easier of the two positions, really.

[girl68]

so what do you do if you've gone out with a guy for a few weeks, done a few things, and haven't broached the subject?

You broach it. If I'm not satisfied with his answer I accept it and formulate my own response. Which is usually: "okay, you're not ready for a relationship, I understand- I am. Goodbye"

[Boisdevie]

I don't get it at all - what I can't understand is all this 'official this' 'official that' business. Perhaps because I'm 46 but to me it's official when you're exclusive and if the relationship is a good one then 'exclusive' is pretty bloody obvious. I have never asked my GF if we're official - we just are. We both know instinctively that neither of us are going to date anyone else or **** around the place.

[Take2]

I don't get it at all - what I can't understand is all this 'official this' 'official that' business. Perhaps because I'm 46 but to me it's official when you're exclusive and if the relationship is a good one then 'exclusive' is pretty bloody obvious. I have never asked my GF if we're official - we just are. We both know instinctively that neither of us are going to date anyone else or **** around the place.

Glad that has worked out for you. But really, communication is not a sign of weakness or anything. You can just decide it is "bloody obvious" and if you are lucky your mate will have the same assumptions and everything will be fine. But nobody really has the right to assume anything about how another person is feeling or planning to act without talking and agreeing.

I talk to my partners about the relationships I am in. That's not because I don't trust my bf or because I am reluctant to commit. And it wasn't a huge drawn-out discussion for us. He mentioned that he prefers to date one person at a time and was removing his dating profile from online, I said I totally agree and would do the same. Poof, we agreed to be exclusive. Because we haven't disagreed about this relationship, the conversations have been casual and in passing, really. If we ever diferred, we'd have to talk a bit more. But it's not like we need to spend an hour on it or anything!

[girl68]

I was actually initially put in my place. I had wrongly assumed we were exclusive. Perhaps because we were making out and hanging out alone all the time I assumed we were you know together. WRONG. He intorduced me as "Oh, this is my friend _______" I brought this up later asking him if we're "just friends" to which he said no, not JUST. But I haven't asked you to be my girlfriend therefore you're not. I was a little hurt of course- but this is a case of wrongfully assuming something without explicity talking about it.

Turns out later that day he asked me "officially" and all was well.

[Olenjka10]

It certainly takes longer than 5 or 6 dates. But from my experience it somehow happens and you simply know that you are in a relationships. Maybe when you hear him referring to you as his girlfriend in public, or when he introduce you as his "girl" or "girlfriend". At least thats how it was with my current boyfriend. When you are in love and the feeling is mutual, words dont matter

[Take2]

It certainly takes longer than 5 or 6 dates. But from my experience it somehow happens and you simply know that you are in a relationships. Maybe when you hear him referring to you as his girlfriend in public, or when he introduce you as his "girl" or "girlfriend". At least thats how it was with my current boyfriend. When you are in love and the feeling is mutual, words dont matter

No, no, no. When YOU are in love, you don't know the feeling is mutual without words. Words are how we share feelings. The belief that true love doesn't need communication because we will just telepathically communicate is bunk, pure and simple. Real love CAN stand up to conversations about it, real love is strong wnough to take even the uncomfortable talks. I think that the crowd who says "real love doesn't need words" are just using that as an excuse to avoid the unpleasant realities of working out differences. If I just assume my true love understands me, poof, no tough conversations necessary. And if later it turns out there was a misunderstanding, I have no reesponsibility, I can just say it obviously wasn't real love instead of doing some actual work to make my relationship work and grow. It's the coward's way out.

[red_sparrow]

it took me a lot longer for it to be one, let's just say.

[xxazurexx]

We don't do 'talks' in the UK....well I've never had a talk anyway lol

I didn't have to have talks with past bfs and to know we were official and in love...it's something we were both feeling.

I know he's my boyfriend when he's showing he's really into me. When he's spending and wanting to spend the majority of his free time with me, he's calling me regular and consistant, wants to take me places regularly and it's an on going thing.

I know when I'm part of a couple and I never was proved wrong ....we didn't have to talk about it.

I know when I'm not in a relationship, when he doesn't call that much, he only sees me occasionally...

If I ever had to push for talks about where I stood, it was with some guy who was looking for nothing serious.

[Kaius]

I think in the USA it's more common to talk about it. I mean, you wanna make sure the feeling is mutual, and far too often it's misunderstood. My buddy was in the "friend" zone and he didn't even know it.