Need some date advice

[Natty Bumpo]

So I've hung out with this girl a couple times (casually), and about the 3rd time we hang out we had dinner at her place. After dinner we sat around talking for a while, and eventually start making out. She seems pretty into it, so I go for a little more and start lightly rubbing her breasts and her V with her clothes still on. this happens for a little while, and she politely asks me to stop after a few minutes as she put it, "i'm tempted, but i have to ask you to stop. i got out of a relationship recently..." and she kind of trailed off.

i told her i respected that (i do) and didn't want to do anything she didn't want to do. We talked for a while about other things after that, and she laid down on top of me for a while (just cuddling). by this time it's late, and i have work the next day. I tell her i should probably get going and head out the door. a little more making out before i leave, and then i head home.

haven't talked to her in a few days cause i kinda felt bad that i initiated that so early and put pressure on her and don't know what to say to her when i talk to her. i don't want to come across as the tool bag who just wants sex, but i also am not sure i want a relationship right now. i'm completely comfortable to respect her wishes, and am totally fine not doing anything physical with her. ok, i think i'd like to make out with her again, but i'm fine with not fondling her. i want to honor her as a lady.

so, i think i'd like to see her again, but here are the problems:
1. i don't know what to say (do i say sorry about last time?)
2. i don't want her to think we're in a relationship
3. do i bring up what happened the last time we hung out at all (me feeling her up, her saying no)?
4. what can i invite her to do without us ending back up at her place or my place? i want her to know i can still hang out with her without having physical contact

Any good ideas?

[doppelgaenger]

Wow dude, no offense, I understand it's the third date and all, but how you described it.... it sounded like you went after it with absolutely NO finesse. You were just making out and all of a sudden you started rubbing her breasts and her vagina? WTF? Don't rush into it like that - you probably came off as a guy who's never slept with a woman before. Also, never say to a woman "I don't want to do what you don't want to do" that's an outright lie, you know you wanna screw her brains out.

Don't go straight for the boobs/vagina until you've made out with her a good number of times and the mood is right. Ease into it, and enjoy it - don't try to get her wet enough to stick it in if you know what I mean.

Whatever you do, don't mention the last time you hung out. Pretend like it never happened.

[Zaza]

I agree with doppel. shouldn't have made the move so quickly, even if it was getting hot and heavy. that being said, you can still salvage this situation. just don't bring it up and don't try anything physical for a while. making out is ok, but don't grope her like some 14 year old.

[girl68]

Nothing is worse than a man assuming she feels like a whore and apologizes for making her feel like it. Please, I beg of you don't apologize.

SHOW her you respect her, don't go all up a grope her tenderly make out for some time as in days/ dates before going for the goodies again.

[Natty Bumpo]

sorry, i'm still young and learning. she had been dropping stuff about sex all night -- like what she likes done to her, where the most exciting place is that she'd done it, etc., so i thought she was trying to get me to initiate something. she even put on some rap music so she could show me what it was like to do the "bottoms up" dance. i was pretty cool and smooth the whole night till we started making out. guess i went a little too far =P

anyways, i mean, yea, i i'd like to get physical with her, but i'm in no rush in the sense that i'm ok with the fact she's not ready to do that yet. in other words, im not going to go find some other girl to screw. that being said, what should my next move be without making anything weird?

[girl68]

carry on as you were, without the groping. I reiterate do not make her feel like a slut by talking about how you feel bad blah blah blah.

[Natty Bumpo]

carry on as you were, without the groping. I reiterate do not make her feel like a slut by talking about how you feel bad blah blah blah.

thanks for the advice -- it's good for us young bucks to get some schooling =)

[Take2]

Really? If I was making out on a third date and a guy touched me, I would either accept that kind of touch or gently push his hand away if I wasn't ready for that kind of touching. I wouldn't consider it odd or inappropriate for him to have tried, though. We are each responsible for setting the pace we would prefer. Why should the OP be scolded? He did nothing wrong. The girl said she wasn't ready for that move, he backed off. No big deal.

I do agree with others, do NOT apologize or otherwise bring it up the next time you see her. Just pick up at the level where you left off when the opportunity arises and see what happens.

[Natty Bumpo]

good point. thanks.