My problem or his?

[simplymissy]

been dating this guy for 8 months everything was great we had a good thing going in a complicated way but it worked for us he was everything i looked for in a man he was smart funny loving very affectionate he put my needs and happiness before his own he coulda been a page torn right out of the perfect man magazine and we got along so well we were best friends and in 8 months u wouldnt think sumone could feel this way but the feelings we had for each other were very strong. we both were dating other people when we met i knew this about him and vice versa we didnt lie to each other we both was open and honest even tho i didnt agree with his life style i still got involved he pursued me and i fell for him he loved women he dated and used em often but with me it was different he had me on a pedestal he said he wanted to be with me when he was ready to settle down and i believed it he didnt give a reason not to he was good to me never disrespected me but he jus couldnt leave the other females alone and when i stopped seeing my friend i thought he would let his go as well but he didnt i didnt want anyone else but him i wanted to move forward with him and have sumthin and he said he wanted that as well but why couldnt he change if i ment that much to him.. anyways i jus was tired of it so i told him we need to be friends cus i dont see us moving on ill always have to share him no matter if i come first i wanted to be the only woman in his life well after i decided this the calls and txt came less till they jus didnt come at all he called me out the blue trying to talk to me and make sense of what happened with us but i jus wasnt ready to talk to him not at that time anyways i was hurt so i told him i didnt feel like taking thinking he would call me and try again but he never did its going on a month and i still havent heard from him and the missing him part is killing me but im hard headed and i just cant even txt to say i miss u id rather hurt and move on then jus say how i feel and now i really dont kno if i even should try im scared and confused but i miss him alot and my gurl friends jus tell me what i want to hear i would like honest advice so i would like to hear what u all think thanks

[gigigi4]

he's not ready to give you what you need, so it might be best to let him go, at least for the time being. in a situation where you aren't over someone yet, the impulse is always to try and call him, but i feel like in this case he's not ready to change, and if he wanted you back, he would call to fight for you or let you know that he is ready for monogamy. i think you might need more time and distance from him to get your head around the situation and what you really need and want. good luck with everything...i know it's really hard when you love a lot of things about someone but overall there are issues or aspects to him that cause you pain or are dealbreakers...

[simplymissy]

i really appreciate ur advice even tho i felt that way myself i had to get others knowledge.. and i know him not calling me is for the best...i feel like im not jus losing a lover but my best friend and i think to myself which is gonna sound stupid but if i stuck thru it i wonder if he would have changed or not... and im scared that he has other females to keep his mind busy and he wont bother to contact me...im not a gulliable person im a strong minded female and strong willed but he has changed me in so many ways sum good sum bad but i was in a really long relationship before him im new to the dating scene and its been along time since i connected with a man like i did him i dont kno its like a double slap in the face lol but i really appreciate ur advice thank u

[devonbrown]

Any time you are in a relationship and looking to "change" the other person, it is bound to end poorly. Look at his actions - as soon as you told him you didn't want to keep on being just one of many, he stopped contacting you.
I hate to say it, but a lot of the way he was treating you could have been just a game to get you to be with him.

I would tread very carefully with anything to do with this guy.

And I know getting back into dating is scary, but the only way to do it is to do it. Good luck!

[simplymissy]

very true i couldnt agree with u more.. i have thought that many many of times if i was jus one of his games cus he played alot of em with other females but i was supposedly different but now that i think about it he could have easily been telling them the same story he told me... but the only reason i believed him cus he was so honest about it and open to talk about it i didnt see a reason for him to lie to me i seen how he talked to other females on his myspace and facebook he never talked to me like that so thats why i felt i was different but in reality im not i really appreciate u guys ur advice has been very helpful thanks again

[reeba]

You can tell him, 'Do not ever contact me again unless you can give me a mutually exclusive relationship' and then sit by the phone for the phone call you will never get.

But chances are he has already figured that one out, that you like him and you want a mutually exclusive relationship. And his lack of calls is him saying 'No, I do not want a mutual exclusively relationship with you'. And the few calls is him just testing the water, to see if you are willing to cave in to his way of 'dating'.

I know it is hard, but it is time to move on. Be strong and don't talk to him. Some day you will look back on this, and say 'What was I thinking, wasting my time on this man whore'.

[twinrexes]

I know it feels like you're losing a best friend right now, but give it some time and you'll realize that best friends don't treat each other that way. You'll look back and realize he was just another ex, and you'll have replaced him with friends who are true to you and probably another guy who's ready to commit. I know cause I had so many relationships in my twenty years on the dating scene, and I ALWAYS felt I was losing my best friend. The feeling passes. The faster you move on, the sooner it passes.

[simplymissy]

u guys have been great i really appreciate the advice u all gave me couldnt have gotten better advice even if i was paying ya lol thanks again!