Why??

[smartygirl]

I have posted here months ago..about the same guy..He is 15 years younger then I am..We met on a dating site and we had 11 months of passion and hate mixed together.. He told me he loved me and that I was the first woman he ever loved..
He lives two hours away and we communicate by skype and text..When things were fine he used to come to a hotel here in my town on weekends..
My problem is that he became extremely posessive.. I had to delete a lot of male friends of facebook for him..after our last fight I deleted him off facebook..he then deleted his own profile..
In the past when I became angry with him and if I did ignore him for half a day he used to be completely hysterical..calling my landline 20 times..leaving dozens of text messages
Our last fight was about three weeks ago..I accused him of seeing somebody else because he was acting strangely..sometimes I could not get hold of him for hours on end..He then seemed to break contact with me..I became extremely depressed because I still love him a lot and all my attempts since then seemed to fail..His text messages were short and abrupt..He cam on skype now and then but did not want to put the cam on..
Yesterday he came online and for half an hour we had the best conversation we had in three weeks..He asked me how I was. told me we can cam later during the evening and we chatted about all kinds of things..When I tried to contact him later the evening he was uncontactable...This morning he came online and told me he fell asleep..He would not go on cam and he was back to answering only abruptly and in one word phrases..When I mentioned that I was back on a dating site because we seem to be over he became terribly nasty telling me now I will NEVER see him again and he called me a SLUT etc...
He promised we can go on skype tonight after midnight when he gets home from wherever he is going...what must I do? Does he still love me..because I know I miss and love him still..

[Gratedwasabi]

Something smells really, really fishy on his end. Why won't he turn on his cam? That's very confusing.

I'm going to say moving on is probably the call here. He sounds possessive with a mean streak and the fact that he's being so sneaky and distant (except when he wants attention from you) is a very bad thing. Confront him, give him an ultimatum to tell you what's been going on and why he won't go on cam with you, and tell him you want a good answer or it's over.

[smartygirl]

thanks for your reply.... I know it seems odd.. I thought maybe he is trying to forget me (he told me he wants to get rid of me out of his life)...That HURT! I told him that I was sitting this end crying my eyes out and I asked him to please not to be so hard and cold then he answered "you will get over it"

[Gratedwasabi]

I'm sorry, that really sucks. He sounds like a really possessive and jealous guy and, honestly, you're probably better off.

Forget about him. He's a jerk. You'll find someone much nicer to you.

[damn2010]

He is insecure and showing excessive need for control which shows in his actions by getting angry and insulting when you call him names.

You need to drop him and distance yourself, perhaps even recommend he goes to therapy. If he's like this when there is distance imagine what he is like IN-PERSON.

[smartygirl]

I know it sounds insane...If I was reading this and not involved myself I would think the woman is crazy....He just made such a great impact on me in these 11 months..greater then anybody has in my 37 years on earth!

[devonbrown]

Smartygirl, I just want to be clear on something here. You are 37 and he is 22 years old? I have nothing against an age difference in a relationship, but do you remember what you were like when you were 22?
There could be a thousand reasons why he won't cam with you. Maybe he had an acne attack and doesn't want you seeing him like that. Maybe he has a new roommate and doesn't have a lot of privacy anymore. Maybe he has started dating someone new and she has feminized his place. Maybe he got a bad haircut. Maybe he broke his cam and is trying to hide the fact that he hasn't replaced it. It could be anything.
But I agree that things do seem strange with him. And his comments towards you and actions towards you do not suggest that he cares much about you, more that he cares about "having" you. And you should not settle for that.

[cloudfa]

you are obviously the one with the power here so just decide if you want to be with him. if you DO want to keep seeing him just accept his abusiveness as the good and bad together.

[cloudfa]

you are obviously the one with the power here so just decide if you want to be with him. if you DO want to keep seeing him just accept his abusiveness as the good and bad together.

to continue that actually when i was 22 i dated a girl who was 10 years older than me. i was acting the same way as your friend and she remained calm and collected even when i broke up with her and to this day i still love her for that

[smartygirl]

Wow, you guys are terrific! thank you so very much! Yes, you all make perfect sense and I am trying all I can to absorb as much as possible as I can. I am just feeling a little down because I WAS everything to him and then I seemed to be just THERE..where he was not communicating with me unless I made the first move by text or suggesting skype..Yesterday I had an emergency in my own household..I really needed to talk to him because I always used to be able to tell him everything and he had a unique way of making me feel better..First he asked me what was wrong and then I told him I would talk about it later..We chatted for a little and then I asked how his new "fling" is and he answered "she is fine"..I told him that I never thought he would stop loving me and he answered "I do love you"..Then I said to him that once again it is a mystery to me why he is behaving in such a distant manner and he said that he has nobody new but only sais he does because I carry on about it....
To cut a long story short, we started chatting again and we made arrangements to go back on skype at 1am (we used to chat for hours at times after 12am)..He came on as promised but did not want to turn his cam on..He told me he was tired..so we only chatted for about 20 minutes without the cam..He also asked me for some sexy pics (I used to treat him with these) and like a fool I sent him some lingerie pics of myself..He did text today to thank me for them...
I LOVE HIM SO MUCH but he is confusing me....he has become so mysterious!

[OldMenRock]

Lots of warning bells going off in my head, Smarty. If you were my daughter, I'd try to find the words to ask you to back away slowly and not turn your back on him until you're out of range.

[smartygirl]

Yesterday he came on skype and acted almost normal..We joked and spoke but not on cam as usual..He even asked me to send new sexy pics and then I ended by saying "I love you so much"(such a fool I am!)..he replied "love you too xoxoxoxoxo"..He then suggested we go online at 1am and I agreed..I was besides myself with happiness but it was short lived..He was not on at 1am as planned..I called his cel but it was off..I tried again at 2am..sent numerous text but he did not reply..This morning his phone was off..it is still off...And I am sitting here in tears!