Completely hung up on ex who has new girlfriend..insight PLEASE!!!

[missnw]

I would like to get anyones opinion both guys and girls please! Give me some insight!

My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up with me about 6 months ago. His reason for breaking up with me was because he couldn't trust me. This was apparently because he went through my phone and found text messages from an old guy friend who I had recently seen at a wedding. The messages were innapropriate (hitting on me) and obviously I didn't write back, which he could clearly tell because he went through my entire phone. He played it off like "he had had enough" he has had some weird trust issues and gone through my phone before and gotten jealous about text messages from guy friends and whatnot. We were both crying and I felt completely out of control and did the total wrong thing and wrote him a desperate email the next day (wrong move, and way too soon). We hung out twice after this, hooked up once, but I knew things were over. After that I tried to play it cool and not contact him, hoping he'd come back, obviously he did not.

The next couple months he contacted me a few times, just small talk mostly. I was trying so hard to get over him and cut him off so I'd never write him first but I'd write him back for the most part if he contacted me. For awhile (3-4 months after break-up) he was texting me pretty often, not really trying to make an effort to see me, but it seemed like he was trying to see what was going on in my life, how I was, etc. Finally, at like 4 months after he asked if I wanted to go to happy hour and catch up. He initated it, picked the day, asked where I wanted to go, and set it up.

The day of the happy hour (less than a month ago) he got completely rattled right before we were supposed to meet. I think it was because we hadn't actually seen each other in 4 months. He tried to back out of it, even though he was the one that set it up. His excuse was that "he was seeing someone lately, it wasn't too serious yet but he didn't want her to be insecure about meeting up with me, and he knew I wouldn't have liked it if the roles were reversed."

I called him out and said I know you're just freaked out just come over! He did. We went to happy hour, it was great, tried to keep it short and simple but he ordered more food, beers, etc we ened up staying there for like 3 hours. Neither of us brought up the new lady.

The next day he text me and told me it was great to see me. The contact has slowly dwindled. I ran into him twice recently and he was with this new girl. it was a group setting so I said hi to him, but was not introduced to her. Last week they became Facebook official and i noticed they have trip planned together! It's the worst feeling I've felt in my whole life.

I blamed myself for the break-up and felt so guily those messages hurt his feelings. Now, in hindsight, I feel like that was just an out for him. I think he was sketchier than i thought and possibly even talking to this girl at that time? I LOVE him soo much and the time we shared together good and bad. I think about him every single day and what I could have done differently. My hunch is he fell out of love with me and was looking for an out...I just feel like I don't even know him after all this time, if he couldn't even be honest with me about it and had to look for an excuse. This new girlfriend is gorgeous and I'm totally haunted by the image of them together. Is it a rebound? did he leave me for her? I know we could be great together...he is the one I want and I know he's moved on and i've accepted the break-up...I've noticed being his girlfriend (and ex girlfriend) he never completely cuts contact with the exes. I want him back and I can't stop thinkging about it. Its not because hes unavailable, its because he has made me the happiest (and the sadest now i guess) I've ever been and I think he's right for me. What do I do? Is there any hope? Is he completely over me? The thing is when I'm completely over someone i won't even give them the time of day to write/call them back. he answers/responds to every form of contact i've tried...is it just friends then?? I'm still hung up on him after 6 months and I've done allthe normal coping things. insight please!

[devonbrown]

The past is the past, so don't even think about why the breakup happened, who was at fault, etc. Also, the future is the future, so don't think about how you and he could be together in the future.
The only thing that matters is the present. He might still have some feelings for you, but even if he does, it doesn't matter. He has committed himself to his new relationship and you should respect that. You never know what is going to happen in the future, but you need to take care of yourself first.
My advice is to do your best to stay busy and try not to think about him too much. I know it is hard, but the busier you are, the easier it gets.
Good luck.