I feel like my life is over

[Emeraldstorm]

Hi there! I'm new to the forums so I guess I better explain my story. I'll try not to get into too much detail...

I was 20 when I met my ex-boyfriend. We both liked to play music and party. We got along great. We were living in a house with other guys in his band and life was on the right track. About a year after we had been dating we ran into his dad who I had never met before at a bar downtown. He asked us to come by his new place and visit. My ex was the oldest among the siblings and his parents are addicts so he was hesitant about going over there. I can see why. We decided to visit his dad and little brothers and sisters. We get to the single wide trailer and I couldn't help but cry. The kids were living in this place with holes in the floor, no stove, oven, shower, ac, heat...nothing! There was trash everywhere and the girls were sleeping on flea invested couches. I come from a upper middle class family, so I had never seen anything like this in all of my life. My ex-boyfriends dad begged us to move in and help with deal with the family. At the time, I felt like I could save the world. Little did I know I would be sucked into a black hole, and would find it impossible to find my way out. My ex developed a HUGE drinking problem, and that's when the violence started. I tried so hard to help this family get out of poverty. At 21 I had to drop out of school, because my life became so stressful. I was making meals for the kids, organizing my boyfriends dads doctors appointments (he has mental health issues), finding a new place to live, and dealing with an abusive relationship. I cared about them so much, but I knew I was wasting my life away. I thought if I left my boyfriend and his family, everything would fall apart....

Well by the time I was 24, I had enough of everything! I gave up and was so mad at myself for not leaving sooner. I had this crazy idea that if my boyfriend and I left our town and moved to Nashville, things would be easier. So we did that. My ex, best friend and I moved to Nashville in May. Things didn't change, he never got a job, he kept drinking and trashing the place, so I kicked him out. He moved to the other part of the country, and we are moving on with our lives...I have a huge problem though!

I met this guy who is a Astrophysics major at VT. He was in Nashville to try and make it in the music business, but realized how hard it really is. So he decided to come back to VT, and he wanted me to move with him. So here I am...In a town where I don't know anyone, and everyone is in college...and younger than me...I feel so lost, like all hope is gone...I'm working two shitty jobs and i hardly have enough money to eat and pay bills...

I feel like when I met him, he was a free spirit and at the time really wanted me to come with him to finish school. Now that reality is setting in I think he feels as though he made a huge mistake. I feel like he thinks I'm so stupid or something...

His family is also very wealthy. He gets a huge trust fund check every month for $1000 for doing nothing. He's never worked a day in his life. I feel like he gets pissed because I don't make enough money to go out and do all things he is used to doing...

Ugh I just feel like a failure...how am I supposed to pick up the pieces?! I wish I could back in time and tell myself that putting others before yourself can ruin your life...

I screwed myself

Oh and on a side note....he has gotten me SO many things for Christmas and his parents have asked him what I want...so now I have to buy gifts for all these rich people....my life has turned into the complete opposite of what is was...I'm so lost...I don't know where to start or what to do...

Is my life over? Help

[damn2010]

First off, you need to learn that you can not put YOUR happiness in someone else's hands and expect them to carry it for you. They will always at some point DROP IT.

Also, stop moving for these guys! I know a lot of girls who ended up putting their own futures on hold (and I mean they sacrificed careers, and even COLLEGE) because they've put TOO much focus into a guy who ended up breaking their heart. They end up feeling stupid, jaded, and lost themselves and their dreams in the process.

Pick yourself up and write down what are YOUR goals and YOUR dreams. Your personal ones...do you want an education?

You never mention your own family, what about them?

[Emeraldstorm]

My dad left my mom when I was 7...

he got remarried quickly after, and my mom is still single..they have always been too busy to care...and they really don't want to deal with it

[damn2010]

Might not hurt to try and reconnect with your parents and/or any siblings you might have.

[devonbrown]

It is best for you to try to find a social network again, whether it is family, friends, work, etc. Even though Blacksburg is a college town, there are plenty of things to do there. And you are probably the same age as a lot of the graduate students there. Just try going out and checking out things that interest you. Pretty soon you will meet people who share the same interests.

Also, stop worrying about things you have no control over, like age, your boyfriend's family's wealth, etc. Worrying about things you can't control simply adds stress to you and doesn't effect anyone else.

Finally, if you think your boyfriend thinks a certain way then ask him. Don't assume you know what he is thinking. Be open and honest with him.