Getting back with previous girlfriend who has a new boyfriend

[Everestil]

Hello everyone,

I'm in a difficult situation and just wanted your opinion on what to do with it..

Around 4 years ago I started my first relationship with a wonderfull girl.. We were only 16 years old, so really young.
It actually was the best time of my life and we really connected and were like best friend.
After 1year and 3 months, she wasn't sure about her feelings for me and from 1 day to another, she stopped the relationship.
But still saw eachother each day and after 3 months, we got back together and everything felt just great, better than before..
After a half year, the relation stopped because of frustrations for about 2 months.. She always had something to say about me and just got irritated in everything that I did.. She said that she didn't know the reason why and that we just needed time and that there was no reason to talk about it and that it just had to go away, but it didn't... After the breakup we had a really good open talk, but it had gone too long, and she said that it was really over.. Obviously I was heartbroken about this..

2 months later she tried hooking up with a good friend of mine, because she got a little bit attention from him and I told her that it was just too painfull to keep seeing her.. After my friend told me this, we talked about it and said that I needed time to process this and after a while we could be friends.. I didn't talked to her for 2-3 months and then the communication started again because she told me something on msn messenger or when I saw her on the train or something like that.. We really have a connection so each time we talked I felt something special that I hadn't felt in a long time and only felt with her, so I fell in love all over again.. I confessed this to her, but she didn't feel the same, so I asked for a little bit time again to try and forget her.. But after en few months, this happened again and we still had fights a lot because she still felt the frustrations and irritations..

Around a half year ago we started talking to each other and everything felt great again, we talked a lot about private stuff, were flirting a little bit and went on a few dates.. I really felt that everything was going to fall in place and we were going to start dating again. We had a connection for about 2 months and my feelings were back as always, but this time I kept it for myself.. We went on our last date and she told me that she was going to call me for the next one because she didn't had a lot of time.. All of these dates it went great without the frustrations and I was feeling confident that we ware going to have a realtionship again! But she never called for a date.. She spoke to me on msn messenger, even if I was offline, just to get stuff of her chest and to keep contact with me, but from that point I realised that it was enough for me and that I had done everything there was to keep us going.. So I answered her messages, but never really tried to make contact myself.. I really could go on with me life without thinking about her and actually it felt great that I could leave her behind me, because the previous year I really felt bad about everything..

Around 2 months ago, we started talking again and were really honest with each other about what we felt the last months and she told me that she still couldn't see past the frustrations and that she hadn't had the feeling that she really wanted to see me.. So I told her that I had this feeling, but that I actually was over her and that it wasn"t necessairy for me to see her.. We kept it short and a few weeks later she started talking again and what my plans were for the next week and I said to her that it was going to be the best week ever because a had a few events planned and that I also hadn't to see her that week.. But I was joking about the last part but I thought she knew it and we continued our conversation..

And then 1 month ago she told me she had a new boyfriend, someone that I thought was a buddy of mine.. Not really a good friend but still.. I actually reacted pretty good to her and told her that it was weird, because of the fact that I knew him and she said that she always wanted to talk to me about it.. I said her that it wasn't neceassary because there was nothing to talk about and wished them goodluck and congratiulated here about the fact that she had a new relationship.. She said that she still wanted to be friends etc and that's when I told her that I didn't want that and didn't see it happen, because in the last 6 months, she had the time to got to meet with me as friends and didn't do it and now that she has a new relationship, she probably didn't needed me.. And she anwered that she still wanted to talk to me when we saw each other and on msn messenger, but I said that I didn't need it and that I also didn't need her..

A week ago, she send me an offline message on msn messenger and said that she didn't want our connection to end and that it would be silly to just leave everything we builded with each other and that wanted to go eat an icecream with me, because she promised this a half year ago when we still had contact.. I answered her that I also found it stupid and regretted it, but that I didn't know if it was such a good idea because of the fact that she was seeing someone else and that I probably was going to feel bad about it in the future.. And that everything we used to had, she normally should have with her current boyfriend.. A few days later she began talking to me again, just chitchat and after some time I asked why suddenly she wanted to keep seeing me as a friend.. She told me she was organising some pictures and came across of our pictures and that made her realise that she didn't want to lose me.. And that all of her irritations to me were gone and we talked to 3 AM in the morning on a working day.. I told her everything about my feelings the last half year and she did also and didn't know that I felt about it that way.. And that if she knew it, she would have made some other decissions in her life...

We really connected and she felt the connection all over again! I thought that maybe she was doubting her relationship and wanted to get back together with me or just see how things were between us, so I asked her out to go on a date yesterday and we went to the movies.. During this date everything felt good, we could talk about everything, we were laughing and having fun like old times and I was feeling great. Ireally realised that I missed her and actually that she is the one for me. In the past I really was mad about her and blamed her for a lot of stuff, but each time I see her I instantly feel this connection and think about everything we have done. When she smiles I just feel warm inside and it's not that I am in love at this moment, but I just feel different when I am around her. And now she has a new boyfriend, and I also see them making out and that is the reason why this contact is so difficult for me. After the movies we went for a drink because I wanted a serious conversation about us because of the fact that I thought we maybe had a chance together..
We talked for some time and she told me that this was not the case.. She just wants to be friends with me and that she had the feeling that now was the time for it, because all my feelings for her were gone and she didn"t felt those irritations. I told her that I got the wrong message from her and also that I only wanted to be frineds with her right now if she saw that there was some more than just friends.. Otherwise I would be hurting myself because of the fact that I keep seeing her and her current boyfriend and when I didn't have contact with her, then this feeling wouldn't be as bad as when I had contact with her.. I also told her that I felt a connection already between us and she agreed, but when we keep seeing each other I probably was going to get feelings for her and that these feelings were going nowhere if she still has a boyfriend.. And I felt that she was holding back stuff for me l, just to not hurt my feelings and she said it was true because she wasn't telling me about her current boyfriend.. and I told her that I want to have contact with her, but only when we can really be ourselfs and not worry about the things we can't say and that if some of us develops feelings that it could lead to something... And that I feared for the fact that she was having fun with her boyfriend but the things that she missed from that relationship, that she came to me for these things and I said that I didn't want that.. And that I really regretted that she hadn't give us another chance in the past 2 years and that she gives her current boyfriend this chance after only 1 month..

At the end of the date I told her that I really didn't know what to do, but I think the best decision is to just have no contact, but she really didn't want that and said that we still could talk about it on msn messenger to come to a decision.. I had the feeling that she really wanted me in her life because our connection is really good and she said she also feels that connection..
After our date we talked for 2 hours and we came to the decission that we will see what happens.. Probably no dates or really long conversations in the beginning, but that chitchat on msn couldn't harm...

But I really don't know if this is the right decision.. To be fair, I really want her back, but I guess that this is not possible when I keep thinking about having a relationship with her when we are friends.. I know it has been 2 years since we broke up and that I have to move on with my life, but during this time I never came across someone like her which made me feel this way and also this perfect for me..

So what should I do from now? Keep having contact with her as a neutral friend and maybe make my move when she gets over the honeymoon period in her relationship or just have no contact at all untill she ends her relationship? I am just afraid that if I keep seeing her right now, that I will feel bad about it about the fact that we are only friends. And I think that she will come to me for the stuff that she doesn't have with her current boyfriend and then she doesn't miss these things.. If I just have no contact at all, she doesn't have someone where she can go to, to have these moments she misses and that's when she may be starting to miss these moments and me?!! I want to have fun with her and let her see what a wonderfull time we have with each other and that we could be perfect as a couple now.. I also said to her that I always had the feeling that the time just wasn't right then, but that we will be togheter in the future and she answered that what needs to be, will finds it way after some time and that this will happen then...

I hope you can help me!

Thanks

[Boisdevie]

Perhaps I"m the only one but I don't have the patience to read all of this. Can you get to the point in less than 5000 words?

[qwertz]

Yeh me too, i cant read all of that.

[carlosaugustine]

Hey man,

Sounds like you've got yourself quite a dilemma going here. I couldn't possibly begin to try to unravel and unpack all your problems in the short time I have here.

But...

There's this relationship guru that is expert on putting couples back together, especially when only one person wants the relationship. Check out my profile for the link to see what this guy has to say!

It's worth a shot. Besides, there's a free video to help you get started on dealing with this mess.

[Everestil]

Perhaps I"m the only one but I don't have the patience to read all of this. Can you get to the point in less than 5000 words?

Thanks for the reply, I will try to keep it short.. Just wanted to give as much detailted information as possible..

So me and my ex-girlfriend started dating 4 years ago during a period of 2 years. In this 2 years everything went really well. After 1 year and 3 months, she wasn't certain about her feelings for me, but after 3 months, she came back to me.. Even while we were seeing each other everyday. Right after we got back togheter everything was great for 4 months.. After this, she started to get irritated by everything that I did, but she didn't know what it what.. She just felt that way and did'nt found it necessairy to talk about it and she said it just would go away but it did'nt.. After 2 months of irritations she dumped me and we had a good chat about everything but it was too late...

We were seeing each other as friends, but I would fall back in love with her and this happenend for 2-3 times I guess... She really wanted me to be her friend, but my feelings always came back for her and then I told her I needed my space.. oh yeah after 2 months that we split up, she was trying to hook up with a really good friend of mine behind my back.. I forgave her and after a few days we were have good talks with each other..

6 months ago, we came in contact again and it felt like the good old times! We were going out to the movies, going to amusementsparks, having icecream and even flirting.. The last time we met she told me that she would call me but that she was busy with school and stuff.. and also because of the fact that I had arranged the previous date which she insisted that I should arrange it.. So i insisted on her to call me (with a smile of course like she did it :p ).. But she didn't call for 2 months and that's where I knew it was over and life began opening up for me.. She contacted me on msn messenger just for chitchat or for things in her life that happened..

2 months ago we just talked again and I was laughing with the fact that I would have the best vacation ever because of some evenets I had plannend and that I didn't had to see her for a whole week.. I was laughing with this but she took it seriously she told me this week when we seriously talked..

1 month ago, she told me she was dating again and the gentlemen I was I congratulated her for it and wished them goodluck.. She offered me that we could talk, but I said that there was no need to.. I found it weird because her new boyfriend was a friend of mine and also told her that.. She still wanted contact with me and stay friends, but told her it would be weird and that she hadn't contacted me for a half year and that that wouldn't change now she had a boyfriend so told her I wouldn't want to meet again, but just say hi and be friendly to each other, but really good friends no.. A week later, she said that she really wanted us to be friends and not waste the time we had with each other so that we should meet.. I told her I was really bussy with school and maybe in a month I had the time.. A few day later she began talking to me and I asked her why she suddenly felt that way.. To make it short, she looked at some pictures of us and didn't want to lose it and all the irritations were finally gone, and this was for the fact that I said it was completely over her and wouldn't want to have a relationship anymore with her (I didn't said it with those words, but she interpreted it like that).. We had a really long conversation about our relationship and what went wrong and that she would have taking different decissions if she knew all this.. It gave me the impression that she missed me and was having doubts about her current relationship so 2 days later I asked her to meet and we went to the cinema.. After this we had a talk because I wanted to know where I was all between this, but she said she was happy with her current boyfriend and that she wanted to see where things were going, but still wants contact with me as a friend! I said that this wasn't possible because I probably would be getting feelings for her and I didn't want that if it couldn"t became more than that and I had the impression that something was blocking her to say everything to me.. Just not to hurt me with the fact that she was dating.. I also told her that I regretted the things we did after our relationship and the fact that we dindn't had a good conversation afterwards and she agreed... So I said that it would be to hard for me and wanted no contact for the duration of their relationship.. She told me that I just needed time for a few months and then it was probably alright.. So we desided to not meet each other, but that saying things on msn wouldn't hurt.. I really got the feeling she really wants me in her life..


UPDATE: I loggod on to msn today and she began talking, really nice chat about everything and afterwards I told her that I needed time and just wanted to meet if I want to be FRIENDS for the full 100% and not 80% like in the moment.. it could take a long time, but that doesn't mean I'm not over the fact that you are dating, but I want to have contact if I really want to see you and she understood. I wished her goodluck in everything and also her relationship...

I really want her back, because we really have a connection and yeah I cannot explain it, it's just something I feel and she feels the connection to she sais.. But I don't know what do to.. I have met new girls, but none of them gave me this feeling and this connection...

What should I do after all of this?

I hope this is short enough to read If I skip some facts, you may have the wrong ideas..
Hopefully some of you will read this!

[Everestil]

Hey man,

Sounds like you've got yourself quite a dilemma going here. I couldn't possibly begin to try to unravel and unpack all your problems in the short time I have here.

But...

There's this relationship guru that is expert on putting couples back together, especially when only one person wants the relationship. Check out my profile for the link to see what this guy has to say!

It's worth a shot. Besides, there's a free video to help you get started on dealing with this mess.

I will have a look, thanks for the reply!