she's a sleaze!

[feelslikeido]

i like her a LOT! she's got a lot of great qualities... but.... she's a SLEAZE!

her facebook pics are of her fawning over her male friends

she makes inappropriate jokes around me and her friends

she's got a mind that goes nowhere but to the bedroom..

I've been seeing her for 4 months now.. in bed things couldn't be better.. but i'm getting really bored of her outside of the bedroom and I'm sick of digging us out of socially awkward situations (you know, dirty joke at the dinner table kinda thing).. we've talked it through many times and she always wins because it's justifiable...

seeing her is so much hard work.. in my mind sex shouldn't be discussed so lightly and so frequently.. i also think it detracts from the romance. I find it really difficult to buy flowers or take to dinner someone who will make jokes that my local mechanic would find funny.

any insights?

[Gratedwasabi]

I'm not sure if sleaze means something else over there but, here, what you described is not sleazy.. it's modern. She seems pretty modern-fashioned, you seem pretty old-fashioned; ie you want romance, she takes sex for what it is.

As a matter of fact, you're kind of the sleaze for "in bed things couldn't be better.. but I'm getting really bored of her outside of the bedroom." You're dating a woman for sex. Tell her it's not working out and let her find someone who appreciates her sense of humor and non-uppity-ness and stop judging people when you're doing worse.

[Nimrod44]

Did you start dating her before you knew she was this way? If not you have no right to complain now. If so, well you two don't seem to be a good match in personalities.

[Gribble]

I suggest you give me her number and I'll give her a good hard talking to.

[Lovable]

I agree if you knew how her personality is before you 2 started seriously dating, then well what did you think was going to happen?

It seems to me that you 2 just have to 2 different personalities. It's not a bad thing, but it's not gelling well with YOU, so the best thing to do with it is to break it off with her. Then you can find someone who has a personality more geared to yours.

[girl68]

She doesn't sound sleazy to me. You sound very reserved. Clash of personalities.

[feelslikeido]

yep. this is exactly what she argues.. you guys don't get what I'm talking about AT ALL....

i, more than anyone else, appreciate girl who's a bomb in bed.period. but i like a girl to have some taste and class outside of the bedroom. just so that my friends (and her friends) respect her.. casually joking about anal and the ramant change-room-sex we had last week is just a bit much for me to handle, especially when she brings that up at dinner with friends or around my mum and sisters...

maybe i am a bit reserved, but is a little privacy too much to ask?

[Gratedwasabi]

yep. this is exactly what she argues.. you guys don't get what I'm talking about AT ALL....

i, more than anyone else, appreciate girl who's a bomb in bed.period. but i like a girl to have some taste and class outside of the bedroom. just so that my friends (and her friends) respect her.. casually joking about anal and the ramant change-room-sex we had last week is just a bit much for me to handle, especially when she brings that up at dinner with friends or around my mum and sisters...

maybe i am a bit reserved, but is a little privacy too much to ask?

Actually I think we all get it exactly.

You're reserved/old-fashioned. She doesn't see sex as this hugely romantic deal and so she jokes around about it.

You're the one continuing to date a girl just for sex. LEAVE HER. YOU. ARE. NOT. A. GOOD. FIT. ON. ANY. NON. SEXUAL. LEVEL.

I have no idea what you're trying to accomplish from your post. You're not a good fit with her. She's not the "classy" respectful lady you want. There's no other correct answer. Her actions aren't wrong in any way, it's just not your cup of tea.

[feelslikeido]

and yeah i did know her before we dated. so what are you saying that i shouldn't have bothered seeing her just cause of this one personality trait which I wasn't too fond of? she has a lot of other things going for her (honest, reliable, caring etc etc)..

@lovable: what do you think? break it off cause of one thing? thing is i have "reformed" in a number of ways cause i cared about her and making it work... i used to have no direction in my career and i used to be prejudiced.... she spoke to me about those things and i reconsidered and figured out that if i was gonna keep her then i would have to make some changes. i did it and haven't looked back, i never complained and we got along perfectly well in those areas ever since...

i'll be considerate of what she finds important yet when i raise something with her it's suddenly asking too much and i should break if off with her??

[feelslikeido]

You're the one continuing to date a girl just for sex. LEAVE HER. YOU. ARE. NOT. A. GOOD. FIT. ON. ANY. NON. SEXUAL. LEVEL.

can you read? I said in the first line of this thread that she's got a lot of great qualities (non-sexual). I'd add that we have a lot in common and we get along like a house on fire 99% of the time. It's just this one thing about her that I don't appreciate and which bothers me.

[Nimrod44]

Got it .. you want her to act like a madonna outside the bedroom and a whore while in one. She has to put on a "good girl" act for your friends and family. I'm with her on this one. Why should she be someone she's not in personality to appeal to your fantasy of romance followed by wild sex?

[girl68]

This is how it's gonna go down: you either get over it, becasue everyone here knows she will not change her ways. Or you leave her because you know she won't change her ways and can't be with a girl with no class. That's really all there is to it.

[feelslikeido]

Got it .. you want her to act like a madonna outside the bedroom and a whore while in one. She has to put on a "good girl" act for your friends and family.

i'm not sure what you mean by " a madonna" but if you mean "a sophisticated, discerning, intelligent and self-respecting woman", then yes that's exactly what I want. To put things bluntly, every man wants someone the like, but who can be a whore in bed, even if it's just for that 10 minutes of the day. any man who disagrees with me knows nothing of the world nor of themselves.

[feelslikeido]

to quote Chanakya:
“A good wife is one who serves her husband in the morning like a mother does, loves him in the day like a sister does and pleases him like a prostitute in the night.”

so it's perfectly reasonable for a guy to want someone who's great in bed. it's just that i don't want my sister talking to me about wild sex during the day (or any time for that matter).

[MerryH]

can you read?

Don't be so defensive. Why don't you read what you wrote:

she's a SLEAZE!

in bed things couldn't be better.. but i'm getting really bored of her outside of the bedroom

seeing her is so much hard work..

I find it really difficult to buy flowers or take to dinner someone who will make jokes that my local mechanic would find funny.

He was right. You're not a good fit. You're calling her names, you're bored of her outside the bedroom, you don't like buying her flowers or taking her out to dinner.