Should I confront my gf with her email?

[Spitfire01]

Hello,

First of all, I know it's wrong to check your partners messages or e-mail, but our relationship hasn't been that awesome over the years and I still have a hard time trusting her 100%. Add this to my curious personality, and I couldn't help myself
Nevertheless, while checking her gmail, I read a chat she had with her best friend...

The topic was the party they went to together last Friday (without either boyfriend). When I saw my gf on Saturday, she was very enthousiastic about it. She told me she had a great time, dancing, etc.. She also told me they met 2 guys, with whom they spent most of the night. Basically she told me 'everything' about that evening, and told me I shouldn't be jealous or worried or anything.

However, when I was reading the conversation they had about this evening, I saw some additional details. I saw her friend talking about her having a 'crush' on one of the guys they met, despite her having a 6 year relationship. My gf had told me about this as well. However, a bit later, I read my gf saying (several times), how she feels like a 'little affair'. I don't know whether she was joking or not, but it startled me.

The question then is, what to do with such info? Should I simply confront her and talk about it? Should I do nothing and start doubting her?

[Frankston]

jesus. makes u feel sick, doesn't it? i would try and talk to her about your general concerns and not mention the email.

[Gribble]

It's a lowdown and dirty thing to read other people's private messages. I'm sorry, but the things I say to my friends are between me and my friends. When I assume privacy I sometimes say things I don't mean. I exaggerate. I try to be funny.

It was harmless, okay? She went out, she had a few drinks, danced, met a cute guy. Big whoop. Haven't you ever talked about another girl with one of your friends? If you say no you're either gay or a liar. What would you girlfriend think if she was a fly on the wall listening to the two of you talk, hmm? Forget all about this and don't invade her privacy again. Or break up with her if you can't handle it.

[Rien]

If there is no trust then there is no relationship. If you haven't been trusting her for many years, then why are you still with her?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I don't think you're the low down scoundrel that Gribble makes you out to be. I don't think it was right of you to read her conversations, but if you were suspicious I can understand. I also don't think was harmless and it sounds like she's also probably had some flings before. Why did you mention that you don't trust her 100%?? Anyway, I'd either break up with her or distance yourself and just keep her around until you find someone new, if I were you. All you have absolute proof of is emotional cheating which many people here will tell you is as bad as physical cheating(I'm not completely convinced), either way it means she's not taking you or the relationship seriously, so time to get rid of her and depending on how you feel about her behavior, you've got the option of running her through the emotional ringer, like she has done you.

[Gratedwasabi]

It's a lowdown and dirty thing to read other people's private messages. I'm sorry, but the things I say to my friends are between me and my friends. When I assume privacy I sometimes say things I don't mean. I exaggerate. I try to be funny.

It was harmless, okay? She went out, she had a few drinks, danced, met a cute guy. Big whoop. Haven't you ever talked about another girl with one of your friends? If you say no you're either gay or a liar. What would you girlfriend think if she was a fly on the wall listening to the two of you talk, hmm? Forget all about this and don't invade her privacy again. Or break up with her if you can't handle it.

In the context of "a little affair" or flirting and hanging with a girl all night at a party? I've never done that while I had a girlfriend. Ever. It's called being dishonest in a relationship.

That said, if you're reading her emails because you don't trust her.. just end it. Don't confront her because you just look like an insecure (if perhaps rightfully so) guy and she's never going to forgive (or more importantly, forget) that you went through her personal messages. Either forget what you read and don't do it again or end it.

[doppelgaenger]

I'd definitely confront her. In fact, if that was my gf, I'd probably break up with her. I can already hear how I would sound;

"So, you're planning a nice little affair, eh? Well don't count on it. You can call it whatever you want, but it technically won't be an affair. I hope you get whatever short-lived satisfaction you're looking for. Goodbye."

[ecojeanne]

as gribble said, people always play and exaggerate when in privacy together having fun chatting. seriously that was fcking awful of you to do that. now you're paranoid and will likely feed that paranoia every time she goes out with her friends. you don;t own her and you can't stop her from having friends and you can't change her personality..meaning she will always (just like men) gossip.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Ecojeanne, while you did make several true statements, you are a ****ing idiot. How does what she said constitute gossip?

[ecojeanne]

Ecojeanne, while you did make several true statements, you are a ****ing idiot. How does what she said constitute gossip?

Clearly i'm the idiot here... coming from someone who is actually gossiping with her bf....assuming she's had some flings *snigger* so typically man-ly....no offense of course but maybe you should try to give some constructive advice

[Gratedwasabi]

Ecojeanne, while you did make several true statements, you are a ****ing idiot. How does what she said constitute gossip?

Please avoid personal attacks, it just makes you look really foolish..

It constitutes gossip because the conversation, the context, could be something like "It was kind of exciting hanging out with those guys last night." "Yeah, it was like a little affair..!"

It doesn't mean she had an affair. It doesn't mean anything happened. It doesn't mean she wanted anything to happen. It could very well mean the most she's comfortable doing with another guy is dancing and talking and even that made her feel like it was a little affair (and if that's the most your lady is going to do.. not really something to get too heated about.)

The fact is the OP violated his girlfriend's privacy and even then nothing she said indicates she cheated. If he's paranoid about her cheating, he should probably bail because that's not a feeling that goes away.

[manlystanly]

It is an invasion of privacy and she will undoubtedly be angry you snooped, but I'm sure that most people would "be a fly on the wall" if they could. We all want to know what the person we are with is like when we aren't around.

I would probably not say anything though. Perhaps you should distance yourself for a couple days and ask if she would like to start seeing other people.

[manlystanly]

Yes context is everything. That being said all we have at this point is what the op said.

"she feels like a little affair"

not, "she feels like IT was a little affair"

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Yes, you are the idiot and it is coming from someone who was indeed gossiping with her b/f, not sure if you noticed sometime during your 2300+ posts, but for all intents and purposes this is a gossip forum. Gossip is talking about other people, not yourself. Judging from how she made reference to the "little affair" multiple times, I think there is some truth(not absolute) in what she's saying, and I've always felt that people tell the truth when no one's watching. I also did go out on a limb, and assume she's had flings before, mainly to coax the OP into action, but I also think the way she spoke(I realize, I don't have her exact words) about it makes it sound like they've done this together before. Part of it is probably me projecting myself onto this girl too, since when I talk about ****ing a hot girl I just met, it means I would **** this hot girl I just met, excuse me for taking people at their word. You sound like a typical dumb bitch, just sticking up for another dumb bitch, simply because you're both dumb bitches, whereas I was just looking at what was presented to me and gave my analysis and suggestion. I've told just as many women on here to chuck their men for the same things.

I did give him constructive advice. Use women that aren't worth your time as sex objects, until you find one that is worth your time. It keeps you in good practice sexually, stops you from putting off the "desperate to get laid" vibe so you can just have fun and hook up with girls way more easily, and it helps you to analyze the people you meet with a clearer head, since presumably, you don't care what they think of you and you won't be worried about "acting right". The effectiveness of this method cannot be denied. I went from sleeping with 5 girls in 5 years from age 17-22, I just turned 25 and I'm somewhere in the mid 20's as far as women I've slept with in the last 3 years. I'm trying to help the OP change his mindset from that of a guppy to a shark, if that's not constructive, I'm not sure what is.

P.S. I don't know you personally so I can't say whether or not you're an idiot; my direct personal attacks on this forum, stem from people not addressing my questions(which you still didn't), so it was done to grab your attention. I also don't want you to misinterpret what I said about you sounding like a dumb bitch, as me calling you a dumb bitch. That post just gave off a dumb bitch supporting dumb bitches vibe, is all.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Gratedwasabi, I'm at work, so sometimes it takes me a while to finish typing posts, but I was actually addressing my personal attack on her in the above post -------^