Girlfriend broke up with me after a great 3 years

[therobby3]

Hello everybody. I'm not exactly sure why I'm posting this, mainly because it feels like I'm getting something off of my chest a slight bit when I do. But if you take the time to read this or give any insightful comments that would be much appreciated.


So here's the story... I had a girlfriend for 3 years, it was an AWESOME relationship. She was the one that initially liked me and asked me out and what not. Everything in the relationship was great, in fact I would say it was just about as good as a relationship can get. Don't get me wrong no relationship will be 100% perfect, sure you have your disagreements and what not but nothing ever occurred that was that significant.

We did everything together, talked everyday, hung out almost everyday, you get the idea we were really close. Sometimes it felt like something from a love story. ;P We would go camping, take walks on the beach, swim, shower together, have sex all the time, cuddle, the whole deal. It was great. We were really into each other and I think it was everything either of us could have ever asked for. Sometime she would even cry when we were cuddling talking about how happy she was to have me.

About 2 months or so ago she had to move to another college making it a long distance relationship about 3 hours away from each other. However we still talked everyday, in fact we saw each other pretty much every weekend too. So overall it wasn't too bad really. Everything still went well and great.

One weekend we didn't get to see each other however because her mom went and visited her that week. The day after her mom left we kind of got into an argument of sorts. She was getting a little crabby and stressed because of so much homework. I suggested she take a break and relax from it since it was making her crabby and that led to some more stuff. She brought up stuff about wanting to move far away when she graduates and we got into an argument about that too. Overall a lot of the things she said were a shock, because she was never the person to want to move far away. So all of the things she said made it seem like college was changing her all of a sudden. Along with these things she started to bring up other RIDICULOUSLY small stuff that I did that bothered her.

The next day after the argument she said she wanted to take a long break or just split up.. This came as a HUGE shock to me, as I would have never thought one argument was worth destroying everything we had. She mentioned things like she needs some space and stuff like that. Overall none of it makes sense.. Our whole relationship was so mutual and she was always so happy just to be in my company. I don't know how something so great can crash so fast. =/

Some other random things I think anyone reading this should know.. She was REALLY attached to her mom. Her mom had also gone through 2 divorces and always told her bad stories about her marriages and the husbands. I think this has had a huge impact on my exes view of relationships and guys. Also, she has always been a big book worm and REALLY obsessed about school and grades and jobs and what not. When talking about ending the relationship, she didn't seem positive about her decision.. Talking about how one day she may come back to me and such. She also had kind of low self esteem, not horribly low but it was there.

Overall we were both each others first real relationship and I know we meant the world to each other. We were each others best friend and did everything. Just before we broke up she was all over me when we saw each other, and was so excited to see me.

It's been almost a month since it happened and I still don't feel much better. I still think about her every single second of the day and even have dreams about her every night. I really miss her a lot. I never thought relationships had to be complicated and ours wasn't, until the breakup happened... This is honestly probably the worst feeling I've ever felt in my entire life... I'm tired of feeling this way. I don't know how I could ever trust someone else the same in a relationship, nor do I want anyone else right now. I'm 22 and she's 20, just for the record. I really showed her how to have fun and opened her up. After the break up she even admitted that it was the best 3 years of her life, but she has to try other things in life. (she wasn't referring to other relationships, but job opportunities and traveling). And that she'd like to live a single life. Like I said, she was referring mainly to trying new things in life as she was big into school and such, not into getting other guys (she's not that type of person I believe).

I feel like I want to do something to get her back but it's a decision she must make on her own. =/ If anyone has any insight, advice, or related experiences that would be cool. Overall that may seem like a long story, but not really.. Out of no where she desides she doesn't want to be "held down" could pretty much summarize the whole thing. Thanks a lot if you read this, I appreciate it. It helps to talk about it. I'll never understand how something so great can be ended so quickly. =[

[LissaP]

Story's not too long. 3 years is a long time to be with someone. I'm sure you're missing her a whole lot. Even if she says she wants space you can get her back. You just need to follow some specific steps. If you do a search for the article "how-to-get-my-ex-back-if-he-says-he-wants-more-space" you should be able to find out exactly what to do. Even though the title talks about a guy its a unisex article. Take a look.

[therobby3]

Thanks but I've read a bit of those articles now on how to get them back and they all seem to basically say "do nothing" by not calling them and what not. While I definitely understand what they're trying to say I'm not sure if there's much I can do when the goal is to do nothing. It's been a month so far and while I did make some small contact nothing good has come up. It seems there's almost nothing I can do. It's all so hard to believe, even almost a month after it all now.

It's just weird how somebody so extremely close can suddenly seem so far. And I do really miss her horribly. =/ If anyone else could read my story and tell me what they think that would be cool.

[Kaius]

Yes 3 years is a long time, but if you think about it, how many people end up with the same significant others through college? The starting point makes a difference.
There shouldn't be any expectations before you all graduate from college. People change in college....they are experienced to new people and events. You shouldnt
expect the relationship to last if one of you moves away to university. It's not worth maintaining.... The dating experience for young people is very different than
for people who are stable in career and life. My college girlfriend and I were together for 3 years. There was no way I could have dated her long enough till we get married.
We were still growing, so I really didn't know what I would become, and whether I would still want her in a few years. Conclusion: Don't take it so serious. There are plenty
of nice girls to date. Consider the last 3 years a good learning experience.

[therobby3]

Thanks for the reply. I understand that it is hard through college, but what I'm confused about is why it should be hard. I went through college and finished college all throughout our relationship and it wasn't hard at all for me. Of course I didn't have to move away though. But no matter what problems or confusion I had about life, school, or jobs there would always be one thing I knew for certain and that was that I wanted to be with her. She always told me the same too.. =/

My point is, even though college is tough and finding a job and everything is tough.. Is ending an amazing relationship really the answer? Throwing away the one you love and share so much with would seem like the complete opposite answer if you ask me. We were always hanging out and talking and telling each other how much we love one another. I always thought that love conquers all.. In my opinion, it wouldn't matter if I had to live in a hole for the rest of my life, if it meant I got to spend it with her I would. Even after we broke up, she admitted that the last 3 years we spent together were the best 3 years of her life.. So I don't understand why she would want to end that. It's just that she was so in love with me... We did everything together, and she always wrote me letters from her heart about how much she cared about me and would always stick with me.. And then she goes and does this.. I just really don't understand.

As far as other nice girls, I'm not so sure about that either. =/ They seem to be hard to find. And even so, my ex was a really nice girl, seemed to have her head on straight, wasn't promiscuous, and showed that she loved me at every turn. I just don't understand how I could possibly trust someone else like I did her.

Also it doesn't even seem like much of a learning experience for me.. The only thing I seemed to have learned is "Trust NOBODY". And I mean that. Me and her were so mutual with everything, it was amazing. I poured my heart and soul into her and it would seem she did the same to me. Only for her to leave like it didn't mean that much. So the only thing I would have learned is to never trust your partner, even if things seem as great as they can be.

[mmiller5373]

Well, it's been three months for me. I haven't actually talked to my ex in 2 months. I've tried, but she won't respond. When I finally make contact and she doesn't respond it hurts me even more. I'm constantly thinking about it, waiting for her to send me a message. All I can tell you, after reading through several books, is to not contact her anymore. You're just going to keep putting yourself through hell. If you really want it to work, give yourself and her some time to heal. If it's to work, ever to work, let her be the one coming after you. My ex and I broke up three times. The only reason we ever got back together was because once I stopped trying, she probably got scared and realized I wasn't waiting for her anymore. That made her want me even more.

I know it's going to be hard for you, but you need to stop contacting her. If she contacts you, make it seem like your busy. Don't tell her things like, "I love you" or "Let's get back together." She doesn't want to be pressured.

I've pretty much ruined all chances with my ex and I'll probably always be considered the loser that she dated. Don't do that to yourself. You don't want things to get this bad. Trust me.

[twinrexes]

Her mother got to her.

Everything was fine until the weekend with mom. And those reasons she gave for being crabby? She made 'em up. And those stupid little things she wanted to argue about? Excuses for pushing you away so she wouldn't feel the breakup was so painful.

If she's close with her mother and her mother made a strong argument for breaking up, then there won't be much you can do right now to change her mind. And like mmiller said, the more you pursue and act like a wounded puppy, the more she'll run away from you.

Don't feel like the relationship wasn't real or like she didn't love you, I'm sure she did.

But often when we're young and haven't had a lot of experience in life, we think we might be missing out on something and we need to experience more before getting "tied down". Probably that's the speech she got from mom, who's just trying to save her daughter from repeating her OWN mistakes.

It sounds like what you had was really wonderful and mutual.

So do like we folks are suggesting and try to make your life as great as it can be without her. A tall order, I know, but try it. Because I think that even if she moves far away and dates other people, she'll remember you. And when she figures out that she already had the best, she'll want you back. And if she doesn't figure that out, it will be sad. But you'll be feeling better and will be able to handle it better because you've gotten some distance from her, the breakup, the pain you're feeling now.

Make any sense?

[Teddy057]

Don't read any of those stupid how-to articles. It's a waste of time. Hate to say it man, but she's right, there's a lot of other stuff to experience out there. I know you're probably tired of hearing the phrase "Take it as a learning experience" but that's really all you can do. Life goes on bud, whether you want it to or not. So, the sooner you can accept that it's over and try and find happiness with someone new, the better. Everyone has their own time period of coping and such, it's been about 8 or so months since my last relationship, and I want nothing to do with one for quite some time still.

[therobby3]

Thanks alot for the replies guys, it means alot.

Mmiller
Yea your right. I think the best thing to do would just be to stop contacting her altogether. I want her to come back on her own, not because I talked her into it. And just like you, every time I hear the phone ring or get w message I hope its her. Of course it never is. =\

Twinrex
You seem to have gotten the nail on the head. That's what a few people have told me pretty much exactly what you said. I believe it was her mom who may have triggered it. And the small things she mentioned I believe were just excuses to take the guilt off of her. Which is a really low thing to do honestly. Because it then leaves me feeling like I did something wrong, and that can be rather painful

Much like you said and other people have told me, I think one day she will realize that she wants me back. Unfortunately I do not think it would be anytime soon, I would imagine it being a few years from now if anything. =\ Its a weird thought getting back together years from now. At the same time that makes it harder for me to get over her because I feel as if I should wait.

I guess like I've been doing, I will just try and have the most fun with friends and make the best of it. It is extremely hard thoguh, and I will always miss having her happy face to come home to. =[

[mmiller5373]

I pushed my girl away, pretty much into the arms of another man. Next time around, I won't get so needy and desperate. Trust try and live your life. Have a good time. You'll probably realize in due time that you deserve better anyways. That's what I'm beginning to see. It's weird how breakups affect us all so emotionally, that we forget about all the reasons the relationship wasn't working to begin with. For the past few weeks my friends and family have been telling me they've all pretty much hated my ex for a long time now, they've always thought I deserved better.

[therobby3]

Yea trying tocontact her wouldn't be the best idea I guess. By I wouldn't blame yourself too much for what went wrong with yours, even if you were a bit pushy I don't think you should take the blame.

I guess I'll just continue trying to have fun. Its just weird though... Even a month later I still find it all insanely hard to believe. I think about all the happy times we had and how in love with me she was and it doesn't make sense how we wind up broken up. Everything I do I want to tell her about it, just because I'm so used to being like "Oh this is cool! I can't wait to tell her about my day!." It was just nice to have someone who cares to talk to at the end of your day too. Its all so crazy and makes no sense... I just wonder if relationships are even worth it. They just seem like a big joke to me. Mine was amazing, absolutely no sign of anything bad for 3 years, and look where I am now...

[mmiller5373]

That's been the hardest part for me and probably why I became so desperate. We were together when I moved into a new place. No friends, no job, no money, honestly no excitement. I looked forward to hearing from her each day. It was a routine and it's tough to face it.

The other weird thing I see a lot on here is how the dumpers always say something like "maybe in a year or so when we both change" or "not right now." My ex told me that a lot during the first month. It's clear she was already with this other guy so it's nothing but a guilt statement coming from selfishness.

[therobby3]

Yea, having a God girlfriend and relationship is the best thing to have to look forward to each day. That's a huge part of why it sucks so bad to be broken up, you don't have that much to look forward to. =\

Yea I don't understand the coming back thing either. I think like you said, it may be some sort of thong to take the guilt off of them, I'm not really sure even. The thing with my ex was that she said she didn't want to have a relationship with anyone, she wanted to lice her life not being held down supposedly. She's off at college, so there is a realty huge part of me that wonders if she's talking to other guys.. jJust the thought of that makes me want to kill something.

[Teddy057]

Yea, having a God girlfriend and relationship is the best thing to have to look forward to each day. That's a huge part of why it sucks so bad to be broken up, you don't have that much to look forward to. =\

Yea I don't understand the coming back thing either. I think like you said, it may be some sort of thong to take the guilt off of them, I'm not really sure even. The thing with my ex was that she said she didn't want to have a relationship with anyone, she wanted to lice her life not being held down supposedly. She's off at college, so there is a realty huge part of me that wonders if she's talking to other guys.. jJust the thought of that makes me want to kill something.

What she's doing is no longer your problem man. You need to let it go, and stop dwelling on what once was. Honestly, she probably is talking to a bunch of new guys, it's what single girls do. Do yourself a favor and don't try to check up on her, don't check her facebook, and if your friends tell you anything about her tell them to kindly shut up. Doing that would just put yourself through hell and back, and honestly you don't want to cause yourself more emotional pain. Here's two quotes that really helped me get through my last girlfriend.

"what's done is done, what's gone is gone. one of life's lessons is always moving on. getting over a first love, dealing with heartbreak, dealing with death and dealing with life. it's ok to look back and think of fond memories, but keep moving forward and you will live your life happily "

"When people walk away from you, let them go. Your destiny is never tied to anybody who leaves you, and it doesn't mean that they are bad people. It just means that their part in your story is over."

Hope it helps man, I know it sucks pretty bad right now, but eventually these feelings will fade. Mostly everyone's been where you're at right now, so don't feel alone.

[mmiller5373]

Honestly, I wasted three months thinking she was coming back. Don't do that to yourself. You only prolong your moving on process. She may never come back. Just assume the worst now and get on with your life. I became so desperate and depressed that I let her take control of my life. She's not worth ruining your life. Don't do what I did.