Is it normal sleeping with dad?+Friends picking onme for it :(

[MerryH]

Yeah, it's wrong. I understand why you might not think so, but that's because you've grown up with it and it seems normal to you. Your father is an adult who should know better. I'm not saying he's some kind of rapist monster, but he shouldn't be treating you like a wife (sleeping in the same bed, cuddling, kissing you hello/goodbye, goodnight/good morning, randomly), he should be treating you like a daughter.

You say he'd stop if you asked. Are you going to ask him to stop?

[theSOUNDofMUSIC]

what, stop kissing me? probably in front of people/in public yeah (so they can shut up & leave me alone...) but I like my daddy's kisses...its comforting.. i never didnt like it, i just didnt like my friends ridiculing that i do like it...or being singled out like that... i was just saying that if I didnt like it, he would stop & to tell you he's not a bad or messed-up guy... if it was going to go any further than this he's had since I was like 10 to go ahead with it and he hasnt so i dont detect any sinister/gross intention, maybe misguidedness from the feedback.

but yeah I do see your POV...i mean prettymuch everyone here has said my friends were right & its not what normal people do basically so i cant really fight the consensus...but one thing at a time right?...sleeping first. I mean i like sleeping with him too but like you guys said i have to grow out of that. I'll have to move out sometime.

[girl68]

start tonight.

[MerryH]

So you'll continue with the kissing/cuddling, but you'll just keep it more private from now on? Do you really think being this close to your father is healthy for you? His behavior is making you wonder if you have a crush on your own father. You don't see a problem with this? All of this needs to stop, right away. Don't do this "one thing at a time."

[theSOUNDofMUSIC]

erereerrr...i dont feel like i'm ready yet. I mean I will...im just procrastinating it I admit...like i said I like the way we are...at some point I'll have no choice anyway so its inevitable. But not this instant sorry to disappoint. I havent even spoken to him about this 'growing up' thing yet. it feels like something I have to at some point but dont ever actually want to do you know?

&MerryH we've been doing this for years and I feel like this just recently so maybe it'll pass but i do agree if we werent so close physically I probably wouldnt be going through this but its a bit too late for reversal as far as how i feel about him unless i really will get over it.
little baby steps sounds good to me...why do you guys think its better to stop everything ASAP? I mean its not like Im 30 & still cant sleep without daddy I'm not technically even an adult yet.

i know Im arguing but not trying to just be snappy or anything it just sounds really harsh for both of us to just change the way we act toward each other like, overnight...i mean i think we mutually benefit from each others company and affection.

[girl68]

You're 17... you should be sleeping with young boys now... or at least getting close instead you're acting like a toddler sleeping with your daddy. You should have been sleeping on your own 16.5 years ago.

[MerryH]

why do you guys think its better to stop everything ASAP?

Because when someone is treating you in such a way that it damages you emotionally, physically, or otherwise, you don't just take "baby steps" to make it stop. If you ever have a boyfriend that kicks your ass, you get the hell out. If a friend is stealing from you, you never allow them to be alone with your things. You just don't let people **** with you. The instant you realize something bad is going on, you need to put an end to it completely. You are not mutually benefiting from this level of affection - it is damaging you and negatively effecting your life. You're being made fun of by your friends, you're not being encouraged to be independent and sleep in your own bed, you're having confusing feelings, etc. This is your dad's fault, whether it was intentional or not. HE'S the one who should fix these things, all you need to do is tell him you want it to stop.

So tell him, tonight, "Dad, my friends at school are making fun of me because of our close relationship, and I'm starting to realize that it's not normal for us to kiss, cuddle, or sleep in the same bed. I'm going to sleep in my own bed from now on." Don't kiss him anymore, don't cuddle, etc. If he still tries any of this with you, you march your ass straight to that school counselor and tell her about your situation. Please.

[girl68]

I agree completely. You are NOT benefiting from this... it is harming you much more than you know. You already have serious attachment issues this will likely forever affect your romantic relationships in a negative way.

[reeba]

Ask your dad if he has told any of his friends that he sleeps in the same bed as his 17 year old daughter? I bet he hasn't because he KNOWS it is abnormal and wrong.

As the adult and as your father he should have NEVER allowed you to be the substitute warm body in bed after your mom left. What he did is pathetic (in regards he was that lonely that he did this) and very abnormal. Does he ever date? How about you? Or are you mutually exclusive in some weird platonic way?

A lot of people find it hard to sleep alone after having someone in bed with them for a long time period. My suggestion is get yourself a big mutt to cuddle with and start sleeping in your own room.

By the way I wouldn't be surprised if you get a visit from department of family services. I'm sure the counselor in school has already gotten wind of this.

[indr]

hey its normal dear its ur age thats making u feel like crush n wat not. He is ur father and u love it thats all.. dnt give it names like crush. Even wen i get bad dreams or wen i not well my mom do sleep next to me and comfort me as a baby. That is not abnormal at all.. but its better u stay in ur room because u r growing too. but at times wen its really needed its k to sleep in his room.

[qwertz]

You're father should know better. You should show him this thread.

[JMP105]

I think you should **** his brains out

[Riyko]

First thing kissing on the lips and the other places isn't ok or normal. If you want a kiss from your dad like a good morning/good night kiss ask for a kiss on the cheek. I'll admit i'm 24, but when i'm home I will give my parents a good morning/ good night kiss on the cheek.

sleeping together needs to stop because it isn't normal (but everyone has pretty much already covered that topic).

[theSOUNDofMUSIC]

mk well...FYI update for any wanting it...

I spoke w/him late last night just about the public kissing & sleeping.
short: I told him about my friends disapproval of of the affection level even though I dont but I asked if we could tone it down for my sake. He said sure since thats what I want but he didnt like that they were disrespecting me & my family...& then he did a short version of his non-conformity speech...i said i know but they dont understand (which they dont because they keep making dirty jokes about it...) so I'd rather just not put up with them and he agreed & said he didn't mean to embarass me.

with the sleeping thing I did sleep w/him last night but I did tell him i want to move to my own room at some point...he said thats fine whenever im ready but in a short way thats out of character w/ the way he usually speaks...in other words i can tell he doesnt like the idea but didnt want to say something.

I asked him if he was afraid to sleep alone too (hey, just in case..) but he said no and then started acting all...parent-like is all I can say to describe it (XD) like I was going off to college when all im doing is going to the room right next to his. Then he started talking about how sad hes going to be when i move away and everything & made me promise to come visit him often...blah thats unrelated stuff...but thats the gist of it. ended in a goodnight kiss & going to bed and it was better than i thought it would be.

&@ reeba i really like the idea of sleeping with a pet...i have some fish but theyre not bedtime cuddle material.

oh& the dating thing i dont think hes dated anyone since mom. I mean as far as i know. he's never brought anyone home & doesnt talk about anyone & his sister is always telling him he needs to get himself a girlfriend XD. He just kinda rolls his eyes though. ive had a few boyfriends but ive only brought one home w/me once before when i was like 14 or 15...so yes i have permission to date.

[girl68]

You're still stressing that this is OK in private but OK in public this is not what we're saying they are not appropriate at ANY time.