He can't get over the number of sexual partners I had

[crazygirl]

Hi guys. I have been with my bloke for 8 years now, but he still has a problem with the number of sexual partners I had before him (it is quite a few). He was only with his ex before me, and they were together 10 years. He is convinced I fake all my organsms (which I don't), and that he is terrible in bed (which he is not), and that every other guy must have had a bigger cock than him (some did, but it is not size that counts). I love him and don't want him to feel this way. How can I stop him from feeling so insecure?

[vashti]

You can't stop him from feeling insecure. It's HIS problem.

A word of advice: don't tell men information about your sexual history except on a "needs to know" basis, and by this I mean he should know if you aren't a virgin (if that's what he is looking for), or if you have some STD. The rest is none of his business.

[LailaK]

Vash is right. His insecurity = his issue. You shouldn't have told him in the first place.

[crazygirl]

Maybe I am just stupid then, cus I believe relationships are based on honesty. He asked me how many guys I had been with so I told him. Was I meant to lie?

[vashti]

Maybe I am just stupid then, cus I believe relationships are based on honesty. He asked me how many guys I had been with so I told him. Was I meant to lie?

No, you should have told him you aren't interested in discussing past history. That is not the same as lying.

[crazygirl]

That is not really the issue though. I told him right at the start of our relationship, so it is done. The issue for which I am seeking much needed advice, is whether there is a way I can now help him to get over the past?

[VincenzoG91]

Maybe I am just stupid then, cus I believe relationships are based on honesty. He asked me how many guys I had been with so I told him. Was I meant to lie?

Usually the kind of guy who asks this kind of question is insecure and can't handle the truth. Just know that from now on and deflect any future questions along these lines the way that vashti has recommended. This particular relationship is probably doomed.

[xxazurexx]

So after 8 years he is still banging on about your past lovers?

He's a butty short of a picnic I reckon.

[Boisdevie]

Does not sound good at all - if he had self confidence he probably wouldn't care how many sexual partners you've had.

[girl68]

If he hasn't changed in 8 years he doesn't want to. Meaning he enjoys having this to hang over your head in order to make you less or a partner to help compensate for his insecurities. Until HE is the one posting how to get over my insecurities and my gf's past the relationship IS doomed. There is nothing you in particular can do.

[xxazurexx]

i also agree with Vash - why tell a man your history.

I know it's done and dusted now, but ffs....why feel the need to brag about past lovers, sexual history - ti's one thing I DON'T do! None of his business where I've been/what I did and prior to meeting him and I never feel a need to know about what he did/didn't do either ----- it was before we met and is known as 'history'...

[Applesauce]

how many sexual partners have you had?

[Applesauce]

crazygirl says:

"Maybe I am just stupid then, cus I believe relationships are based on honesty. He asked me how many guys I had been with so I told him. Was I meant to lie?"

actually, I have to agree with you. I think it's funny the same girls here who yap about honesty and meaningful relationships are the first to hide their past sexual history from their partner. If you need to keep your past a secret out of fear that your partner might be too insecure to handle it, then maybe he's not the one for you

[damn2010]

crazygirl says:

"Maybe I am just stupid then, cus I believe relationships are based on honesty. He asked me how many guys I had been with so I told him. Was I meant to lie?"

actually, I have to agree with you. I think it's funny the same girls here who yap about honesty and meaningful relationships are the first to hide their past sexual history from their partner. If you need to keep your past a secret out of fear that your partner might be too insecure to handle it, then maybe he's not the one for you

Unfortunately we live in a society where if a girl has slept with many guys it depicts her as a "slut" or a "whore" and guys who have many partners as a "pimp". Because of this and the way public portrayals of "classy" females (especially those who call themselves "classy", "ladies", and "only after gentlemen") sort of "expects" women to behave with some dignity for herself, women often "cover up" any past laundry that might make them look bad and only reveal it later on.

[Applesauce]

^^^ but a quality guy won't care about your sexual past. You're not doing yourself a favor by hiding it from your partner