Age Difference

[TheDirewolf]

Hey everybody.
I'll start off by saying that I'm a 28 year old male who's experiencing some problems with a 20 year old woman. We first met eachother about 1.5 months ago and we've been seeing eachother semi-regularly (she lives about an hour from here, but she comes up a few times a week) . Everything was going well until about 2 weeks ago when I brought up going steady and being exclusive (bad move). Ever since then she's been kind of distant. When I say that we 've been hanging out regularly, I mean that we've been very intimate, having sex and showing a lot of affection for eachother. Actually, that's how it all started...

The last time we hung out was this Wednesday when we took a night hike up a local mountain where we layed together watching the moon, stars and clouds. The whole situation has been very "intimate"; however, the day after, I texted her asking if she'd like to grab lunch but she took like 6-8 hours to respond. When she finally responded, she said "possibly. I'll call you in the morning when i wake up" With that said, she never called me in the morning and ended up texting me at 11:30 at night on Friday ( 12 hours later) to apologize by saying that she slept in and just went into work... I never responded to this text...

At this point I'm trying to figure out what she has going on inside her head, because she agrees to hang out with me and seems to enjoy my company; however, it seems to be few and far between. Before that wednesday, we hadn't hung out for about 7-10 days, which was probably due to me bringing up those heavy topics. I'm at the point where I'm being advised to stop calling her and to sit back and play it cool, but I'm finding it really difficult. The ball is certainly in her court and I don't know which move to make. I've been overstressing the issue and more than likely have been giving off that vibe to her. I'd hate to see it go to waste and most of all I'd hate to have awkwardness between us.

Thanks in advance,
Ryan

[xxazurexx]

I can't for the life of me figure out why a female would lie next to a man gazing at the moon and stars, having sex with him, etc, etc and if she doesn't really have an interest...which it sounds she doesn't.
I'd never do any of that stuff with a guy who I didn't have a big interest in.

Sorry I've no further advice or help. Hard to figure out how this type ticks. Only she knows why she chooses to be intimate with a man and then runs the next day and ignores him

[Nimrod44]

Interesting that you posted this topic as "Age Difference". I think that's one big problem here. She is 20, barely out of her teens. You are 28, heading towards the maturity of the 30's. At this time in your lives that makes a huge difference is what you may want in life and experience. In another 10 years it may not make a difference but now this 8 year gap does.

Is she in College? That could account for her unavailability and lack of concern for your time. At her age it's a whirlwind of classes, parties, etc. There may be other guys there also vying for her attention and more available (closer).

You asked her to go steady after only a month and a half of semi-regular contact. That's not enough time to consider that, especially on her end. Have all your contacts been of a sexual nature? That could be another problem. Gals like to be taken out, to feel special, not to just be a sex toy. If all you do is "hang out" together you need to be doing more than that to really know each other well.

[doppelgaenger]

Try being a little distant and see if she throws the ball back into your court. If I were you, I wouldn't give my hopes up on an exclusive relationship just yet. And 20 year old girls tend to be really immature.

[smackie9]

The other poster is right she's 20 with very different priorities, like partying, and having her freedom. You on the other hand are at a time in your life where you are pretty much hoping for a relationship that will lead to marriage in a few years. Well she ain't having any of that. You scared her off with throwing the commitment card at her. She's not fall in love with you, and I have a feeling you are inching your way to fall for her. You are on very different pages here. It might be time to cut her loose.

[Jman39]

Try being a little distant and see if she throws the ball back into your court. If I were you, I wouldn't give my hopes up on an exclusive relationship just yet. And 20 year old girls tend to be really immature.

agreed!

OP read one of my threads i started, my gf is 18 and i just turned 25, but shell be 19 soon... so we have a 6 year gap and dated for basically a year... as the older man, u just gotta act calm and relaxed, dont pressure her... shes still young.... good thing is, women do like mature men, but they also like to have fun, so make sure u keep it light and have FUN... let her FALL in love with you

[theSOUNDofMUSIC]

yeah really...when youre in your teens (or going into/just coming out of) youre still finding yourself and dont know everythin you really want so she may be having doubts...tthat doesnt make anything wrong with you though! If you were a nice guy its probably HER problem...which you cant solve.

[RockNRoll]

Hi Ryan, you seem to do well at analysing and handling this situation, the problem is that she behaves in a strange, controversial way. I can't figure her out either, so not sure if I can be of any help here, will just say what I thought.
What did she answer, when you brought up exclusivity? How did you do it? Did you ask her opinion, or just asked to think about it? Is there any reason (being really busy, etc) that stooped you (her?) from seeing each other after that?
Am I right at my calculations: you've been seeing each other during 4 weeks several times a week (so around 10 dates), it was intimate and fun, it slowed down after your "talk" and you haven't seen her as much since? It looks like she is trying to avoid you, or mostly your "exclusive" thing. But lying together gazing starts is a strange way to do it.

She was taking effort to see you (as you don't live that close, do you ever come to her yourself by the way?), has sex with you and romantic things - people are different, but I can't see myself doing any of these things if I am not completely into a guy. And I wouldn't do it unless we are exclusive. There is not a bad move to bring up exclusivity after a month of dating, especially in your situation. I'd rather understand her freaking out if you didn't.
You explain it with an age different, and you may be right. But from my experience if a girl is 20 or in her early 20s, it's not a bad thing at all if a guy is older, even if it's 10-12 years difference. It has more to do with being mature rather than numbers. She could have different priorities, not only because her age.Anyway, something is not right here.

If you are willing to date her not-exclusively, than you might want to calm her down by saying that you'd give you both more time to get there. I see that you don't want to lose her, but be prepare to do so. I am not saying that you should stop trying, but there is not much you can do, when she hardly answers your texts. Maybe just invite her to some nice date and see what she does?