He said he'd call and didn't...

[elphie]

I had a date with a guy I met online this past Saturday. At the end of the date, he said he was really busy this week, but that he'd get in touch/give me a call (can't remember the exact words now). It's been three days (standard that's how long the guy is supposed to wait) and I haven't heard anything. Was telling me he had a busy week a way of letting me know that it may be awhile before I hear back? The date seemed to go well. And he could have just said it was nice to meet me and left it at that, if he wasn't interested. He came across as very sweet, well-spoken, and mature so his saying he'd call and then not following through seems very counter to that and I have to say has me somewhat confused and maybe disappointed?. The only other thing I can think of is that he thought I wasn't interested (I was really nervous and maybe came off as not interested?). Had he not said anything I'd take it at face value, but because he did say about calling me, it makes me unsure. I hate the wondering. Should I email him and say I had a nice time/enjoyed meeting him and see if he's still interested in meeting again? Any suggestions for what to include? I guess if I don't hear back, then that's my answer. I read some articles saying that the woman messaging the guy tipped the balance and made him want to see her again if he wasn't sure before. But then again, I've heard the opposite too.

Does that make me seem desperate to email him? Or do I leave it go and not message him at all? I'm mixed about it...on the one hand it would be nice to know either way so I can go forward or move on (I was in a similar situation earlier this year and didn't end up messaging the guy to have him email me a week later saying that he had a policy about being honest and that he didn't think we had chemistry...before that the last time I saw him he said about meeting for a third date and then he never called) but on the other if I leave it I can walk away without creating any additional awkward moments. Why do guys insist on promising to call and then don't? It seems pretty unfair when all that's necessary is to say they had a nice time/it was nice to meet you and leave it at that...no promises, no awkward what next, just a clean ending to a date with no expectations either way (it's open to call or not call without making someone confused/hurt if there isn't any follow through and without putting the girl in the spot of either rejecting an offer to see the guy again or saying she is when she isn't to get out of an awkward situation).

[RockNRoll]

Yes, it doesn't make sense. But I guess sometimes guys (and not only on dates, and not just guys) promise to get in touch without meaning it, like a part of "was nice to see you, bye". I am not saying that this is a reason in your situation. It doesn't matter whether he promised to call or not, he should have done it already if he wanted to see you soon.
I guess you told him on the date or by the end of it, that you enjoyed it, didn't you? There is no need to say it again.
Anyway, don't think about it too much.

[xxazurexx]

I wouldn't bother emailing him Elphie. He hasn't called back and therein is your closure IMO.

It's his loss and it's no biggie. Not all guys are like that - you just havn't met the one for you yet, but you will one day

[RdHrshyKss]

there is the possibility that he actually is busy, right? but i'd leave it alone if i were you. if he is busy but interested, he'd eventually contact you by the end of the week. contacting him yourself, especially after he said he had a very busy week, will only make you look a little desperate. be patient. if he doesn't contact you by the end of the week, then you'll know for sure that he wasn't interested.

and i also want to note that i don't think it's just guys who pull the "i'll give you a call" statement at the end of a date. girls do it too. their reasoning for doing it is to not hurt the other person...but it's actually selfish, they do it so that they don't have to see the other person hurt and to get out of the situation quickly/easily. it doesn't take a genius to realize that saying that to someone and never calling them is more hurtful than just being honest with them in the first place. but a lot of people are weak, so this is something we all have to deal with unfortunately.

[devonbrown]

I don't think it's wrong to email him one time (and only once!) and thank him for the nice time on Saturday and that you hope to meet again one day soon. And leave it like that. Don't get into a long explanation or a discussion you two had over dinner. Then see if he replies back. You never know, maybe he really is having a busy week. If he doesn't reply back, don't worry. There's plenty of men to date. And yes, if he said he would call and had no desire to see you again then it was a terrible thing for him to do.

[girl68]

That's a pretty standard line. I've used it when I knew I had absolutely no intention of calling. Even if you don't agree: It's much easier to say that then, Thank you for spending time with me, I'm not interested and I won't be calling you. Have a nice day!

Anyways, of course there's always the chance he actaully is interested and is really busy but I like to be pessimisitic so that when things are looking bright I'm pleasently surprised as opposed to hopeful and let down.

[Steel-Heart]

If he said that he'd call but he didn't...well what's there to think about?

What a nice beginning on his part, isn't it? I only wonder how great things would be later on!

He is full of crap and you should not even bother with him. Let me tell you, if a real man tells you that he will call...then he will call. Who you met is a wuss, who most likely didn't have any intention on calling but he didn't have any balls to tell you this. So he chose the wussy way out and just lied.

Maybe he got busy? I mean, there is ALWAYS that 2 minutes that he can find in a week to let you know that he didn't forget.

A behavior like this tells you that the person has a weak personality and is immature. This goes for both men and women.
Good luck and take care!

-Steel Heart

[all alone]

he said he had a busy week, you have waited half.. simple solution: wait 3 more, then you'll have ur answer.

[elphie]

thanks for all the feedback. so is it really that much easier to say "i'll call" and then not than to just say "i had a nice time or it was nice to meet you" and leave it at that? or rather, is it that difficult/awkward to just say "it was nice to meet you" and then leave it at that for the end of the date? then no false promises are made, so if you don't hear back it may be a little disappointing, but it seems to me it would be way easier to brush off, and less confusing. i know for myself that sometimes i like to make a decision after a date is over if i want to see the person again or not, when i have more time to reflect, which seems like another good reason to just not make any sort of promises on either side at the end of the date.

[xxazurexx]

if he said that he'd call but he didn't...well what's there to think about?

What a nice beginning on his part, isn't it? I only wonder how great things would be later on!

He is full of crap and you should not even bother with him. Let me tell you, if a real man tells you that he will call...then he will call. Who you met is a wuss, who most likely didn't have any intention on calling but he didn't have any balls to tell you this. So he chose the wussy way out and just lied.

Maybe he got busy? I mean, there is always that 2 minutes that he can find in a week to let you know that he didn't forget.

A behavior like this tells you that the person has a weak personality and is immature. This goes for both men and women.
Good luck and take care!

-steel heart

Amen to this.

[xxazurexx]

thanks for all the feedback. so is it really that much easier to say "i'll call" and then not than to just say "i had a nice time or it was nice to meet you" and leave it at that? or rather, is it that difficult/awkward to just say "it was nice to meet you" and then leave it at that for the end of the date? then no false promises are made, so if you don't hear back it may be a little disappointing, but it seems to me it would be way easier to brush off, and less confusing. i know for myself that sometimes i like to make a decision after a date is over if i want to see the person again or not, when i have more time to reflect, which seems like another good reason to just not make any sort of promises on either side at the end of the date.

Does he really owe you anything after one date though?

The guy may not think you are interested either way and if you hear from him or not and especially when it's only been 'one' date.

And after 'one' date, your expectations shouldn't be so high that it might lead to more.

I'm not saying ignoring is the right thing to do, because I wish people had the courtesy to be honest also. Alas they don't.

But if I got no call and after a date, I'd just move on. If he called later, then I'd have a choice to make - is he worth pursuing or not?. And the fact he hadn't kept a regular and consistant contact, would make me choose 'NO'. I like to know where I stand with a man. Not get involved with a man who only calls and shows up when he feels like it.

[sweetkissesforu]

Email him and let him know ure interested