Suicidal Threats

[BFTrick]

Hi There,

My Question: How do you deal with a girl with suicidal threats?

The Background:

I have been dating this girl for about 1.5 years and we do more or less OK. We are both around 24. I took her out for her birthday and she was upset because "nobody loves me and that none of my friends showed up for my birthday". We hung out all day and then when I wanted to leave at night she begged me to stay. I left and I got this lovely text message:

<picture of a superficially cut wrist>

Sorry for bothering u. I knew it wouldn't be ok [for me to spend the night] I was hoping to get thru the night. I'm sorry.

I added some context in the square brackets.

Now the good news is that she didn't have the guts to do it. She must have cut her wrist superficially, then typed out the text message. But the bad news is that even if she didn't have the guts to do it this time she could next time. In the entire time I have known her she has been pretty sane, no talk of suicide. She doesn't have many friends and she does have some insecurities about that. She also doesn't try to get new friends.

I am frustrated because I think that anyone that would guilt you into spending the night with them via suicidal threats has some issues. But it is a delicate situation. What if I leave and she is more determined to be a suicide? We have texted a little bit since then and we have plans this Tuesday but I am thinking that threats of this magnitude are a deal breaker.

Any thoughts?

[vashti]

YOu aren't responsible for what she chooses to do.

Her behavior is meant solely to gain attention and manipulate. I suggest if you want it to stop, tell her you are leaving her if she does it again. And then, do it.

[Applesauce]

Report her to the proper authorities. This isn't your problem to deal with

[misombra]

This sounds like a scene from fatal attraction.

[xxazurexx]

Next she will be saying that if you leave her, she will top herself.

I'd get the fck out now...she aint your responsibility.

Let her family know about the crap she is talking about. Let them deal with it.

[RdHrshyKss]

attention whore

[Þēostru]

best way to deal with thas is to understand your effortes and get angry. say her "oh, you think I am nobody? You donot appreaciate nothing, woman! i spent the whole day with you, and you think not once of it!"

tell her that you donot want a woman who cut herself. you want a strong woman, not a woman, who takes hostage of herslef to get, what she wants.

[Saya]

If she doesn't have many friends then why doesn't she try and get herself new friends/make new friends?
Has she ever done anything bad to hurt herself before?
Maybe let her family know about this so that they can help her.
But you need to talk to her about this since she has some kind of issue...probably depression if she want to end her life, but then it's kind of hard that whatever positive things you would say to her, she probably will not listen and make it in to negative.....

[BFTrick]

Thanks for all of the replies.

She has a history of being insecure but she doesn't really have any history with violence.

I feel that being a boyfriend and coddling her is perhaps not the best idea. I think it might be a good idea to force her to explore having other friends, hobbies, etc. Maybe I should limit how many times I see her a week?

So I think the two options are:

• call it off
• stay with her, but limit how often I hang out with her

I am really bothered that she would threaten with that, it is just something I don't think anyone should ever do.

[Ariadne]

I think your girlfriend needs help. I don't think you should suddenly dump her. You should suggest counseling to her and if she doesn't go for it, tell her parents or some kind of family what's going on. Maybe it is intended to get attention and manipulate--I don't know her so I don't know--and maybe she never intended to actually do it, but someone who is of sound mind doesn't threaten to kill themselves over something as minor as that.

[RdHrshyKss]

why is this girl the OP's problem? she is using suicide to guilt trip him to do what she wants. she is a controlling, selfish bitch. **** her, seriously. i'd show the text message she sent you to your guidance counselor and let them do what they need to do. then i'd let her know that you aren't interested in being in a manipulative relationship, that she needs to get some help for her behavior and you wish her all the best. then move on. this girl is way too much to handle for you and she definitely is not in the right mindset for a relationship anyways. end it.

[seganomics]

I am the girl the OP is originally talking about.

I actually came to this forum to post about how to get over the break up that occurred because of this situation.

I am a cutter. I have been for 15 years. It comes and goes. I’m in therapy and on anti-depressants. It’s not an attention thing, and it’s not a suicide attempt. It’s a desire for control. I have mentioned this to BFTrick before. I must not have been clear on what the cutting actually meant because the conversation we had on Tuesday he inferred that he had no idea it was going on despite scars, songs and posts, and a direct conversation. I have been nothing but open about my depression and therapy even at the risk of feeling guilty because he does not approve of my doctor prescribed anti-depressants.

The text was misinterpreted. I called him to ask to spend the night openly stating “I can not make it through the night” It was my mistake to assume he remembered I had issues with cutting and that on week where my car broke down, his phone broke, I turned 25 with no forward momentum in my life, and feeling abandoned on my birthday. I felt out of control. I’ve been told I was not clear on why I wanted him to stay. I can see how I could have been more open.

The text was an apology. Not a guilt trip. Not a suicide threat. An apology. I was trying to be open about what I did and that’s why I had been so bothersome. I know it frustrates him when I become so emotional. I regret sending the text. In hindsight I see how it appeared like a suicide threat.

Now that you’ve heard my perspective I would ask that if you have any other advice you keep it in mind.

[Sonrisa]

^^^was that an online relationship?

[seganomics]

No. We met at dating website and live in the same town. It was an actual relationship. I sent the text message so I wasn't calling him again agitating him further.

[Sonrisa]

in the same time?