Female friends developing feelings for my boyfriend?

**SmittenKitten** · 13-11-10, 07:43 AM

Last night I asked to look at my boyfriends phone..as he always looks through mine, just to look around at stuff. I never have anything to hide so I don't mind...but I was getting slightly suspicious as to why I never get to see his? So I had him just show me to put my suspicions to rest. I see two messages from two of his friends that are girls..and within those messages they are both apologizing for not talking to him as much as they are beginning to develop feelings for him. He said he didn't tell me about it as he wants to figure out what to do about it first. It makes me kinda uncomfortable, as he still wants to be their friends... to me that just seems like he still wants to make him self available to them for them to develop even stronger feelings. In the messages it seems they are trying to avoid him from preventing that from happening...he doesn't really see either one of them very often, but continues to text them on a regular basis.

I don't know how to feel about it, why does he need to keep these girls as friends, even though they like him more then friends..?

**Poetic_Partner** · 13-11-10, 08:12 AM

"...Last night I asked to look at my boyfriends phone..as he always looks through mine, just to look around at stuff...."

Sounds like you two don't have a very trusting relationship to start with. My phone, eMail etc have always been open to my loved ones. They never look "just to look around".

Likewise, I've always had free access to loved-ones phones etc, but never thought there was a need to check up.

-PP

**Ariadne** · 13-11-10, 08:15 AM

Tell him to ditch his back-ups before he needs them.

**Saya** · 13-11-10, 01:39 PM

He's probably still friends/keeping in touch with those female friends coz he probably like the attention of them liking him ?

**SmittenKitten** · 13-11-10, 02:56 PM

He absolutely refuses to cut ties with these girls because they've been his friends much longer then he's even known me.
One girl is an old flame from university, turned friend..who apparently ..as he explains " never lost feelings for him, only supressed them" He hasn't seen this girl in 4 years, but continues to communicate with her through text messages...and recently told me he's taking a 5 hour trip sometime to go back and visit some friends from univeristy, including her.

The other girl he hadn't seen since highschool, and recently came down and they hung out on a saturday till 2 am in the morning. He was very open about what he was doing while he was with her, texted me the whole time...yadda yadda.

He swears they are just friends to him and nothing more, and it is not his fault that they feel that way for him. I just REALLY do not like the fact he will continue to see them physically,and talk to them... I don't mind my boyfriend having female friends, but now that I know they like him on a higher emotional scale...i'm so bothered by it. He doesn't even hang out with them!...

I don't know what to do?.. get over it because i'm his girl, he chose me..he's not with them for a reason.I don't know...sigh.

**all alone** · 14-11-10, 02:54 AM

You don't care if he has female friends and you said several times he doesn't even hang out with them on a regular basis.. so you shouldn't have too much of an issue with this. Clearly, these girls are ones just waiting to step into your shoes. It sounds to me like your paranoid or simply don't trust him, so you should probably work on that yourself.

**Ariadne** · 14-11-10, 03:10 AM

Yes, it's her fault that her boyfriend doesn't understand boundaries. Absolutely. You need serious help, OP.

**Saya** · 14-11-10, 08:14 AM

When your bf is going to see his female friends then why can't you go with him?
I don't know... if you had close male friends that you've known them for a long time and they liked you more than friends, would you still keep in touch with them? What would your bf react to that? Maybe you should ask your bf that?
But I think you shouldn't worry too much since those girls lives far from him and that they don't even seen each other for long time. But texting them a lot isn't good... Not sure how much he text them, but overall your bf shouldn't really talk to them that much...
I suppose, if your bf saying that those female friends of his is only friends and nothing more then I think you should trust him and believe him. There isn't much you can do? Just be positive and believe/trust him?

**swoopo** · 14-11-10, 08:41 AM

I would get the girls number of his phone without him knowing and send a text pretending to be him and say i don't have feelings for you soory i love my gf, thats what i would do

**Poetic_Partner** · 14-11-10, 09:01 AM

"...I would get the girls number of his phone without him knowing and send a text pretending to be him and say i don't have feelings for you soory i love my gf, thats what i would do ..."

Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad move! If he found out (and why wouldn't he when she responds the NEXT day) your relationship is over. Even if it limps along, all trust has been lost and you'd be forever in his mind a psycho-hose-beast. That reputation would extend to all his friends too.

-PP

**Saya** · 14-11-10, 09:36 AM

Yea.... I agree... don't send text msgs to those girls.... if he did find out, he wouldn't be happy...

There isn't really much you can do about it.... so you either have to trust or not. Trust is really important in the relationship and if you don't then the relationship will not work.

**Ariadne** · 14-11-10, 09:38 AM

There's NO reason that a guy would keep talking to girls that said they had feelings for him UNLESS he wanted them as backups.

**all alone** · 15-11-10, 03:38 AM

Originally Posted by Ariadne

There's NO reason that a guy would keep talking to girls that said they had feelings for him UNLESS he wanted them as backups.

So basically your saying that a guy can't have an ACTUAL friendship with a girl.. this isn't just some chick he met on a night on the town, these are friendships the guy developed BEFORE he started dating this girl.

The only female he should interact with, clearly, is his gf and no one else.

**Ariadne** · 15-11-10, 03:46 AM

Originally Posted by all alone

So basically your saying that a guy can't have an ACTUAL friendship with a girl.. this isn't just some chick he met on a night on the town, these are friendships the guy developed BEFORE he started dating this girl.

The only female he should interact with, clearly, is his gf and no one else.

Sure guys can have girl friends. But when those girls openly say that they have feelings that go beyond friendship? Hell no. They're his backups.

**all alone** · 15-11-10, 04:22 AM

Originally Posted by Ariadne

Sure guys can have girl friends. But when those girls openly say that they have feelings that go beyond friendship? Hell no. They're his backups.

Well there was a friendship base there before this occurred, so is it really fair for her to demand of him to complete cut ties?.. he probably shouldn't be msg'ing as much as it sounds like, but it doesn't equate him keeping backups or being emotionally cheating or what not. You can't just force him to drop friends because of your own insecurities.

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