Bunny

[Tearslost]

My Love

Michelle is a wonderful person. Shes not beautiful if the common use of the word ,but inside she shines. I doubt you could find someone cuter in life. The way she acts is adorable. You will never feel lonely again in life except when shes not with you. So i asked her to marry me and we plan to get married after i finish college.

Now there are a few problems. 1st(im a dick) that being stated i will get on to other problems. Now the first very commmon problem is that she always complains that i dont spend enough time with her. I usually sleep at her house 2 nights a week and be with her for 4 other days. yet whenever i dont want to be around her it brings up the conversation of how i dont love her and how i am annoyed by her. i never say these things she always does. She makes me feel guilty that i only spend 5 days with her. it gets frustrating after awhile like all good things you can have to mcuh of some things.

Whenever we have fights and were both upset ill apologize and tell her i love her. But shell just tell me to my face that im lying to her and that i dont love her. Sometimes shes right that im not sorry. For instance the other night i told her not to come to my house after work because i would be at a movie with friends but she got upset with me because i disinvited her. I simply did not want her to go to my house with no one being there.

Shes also extremely jealous of anythign that glances my way or any of my women friends. Any action i take is modified by 10 i go to a child hood friends hosue to play a internet lan game and she thinks im there to sleep with his sister. I write notes to a friend and she considers them love notes. Because ill never let her see them because there private things in the other persons life.

now the one of the things that makes me a dick. I can be very flirtatious. well on new years eve at her house one of my/her friends is over and she highly flirtatioius so we joke around. well were all laying on the couch and im in the middle and michelle gets up to get a blanket. when she comes back she lays down on the floor in front of the tv. me and synth not content to let her go to sleep crawl down on the floor. we try to wake her up but she wont so synth got on my back and acted like she was riding me. Now i foudn this extremely funny. Michelle didnt she jsut rolled over and got pissed off. So the i stayed up later and tried talkign to her finally we say im a dick and that im sry. But at dinner then next day when her sister tells her that we had flirted the night before(which she already knew) she became irate again. Later when she was upset she said that i might as well go **** synth becuase she and i were both whores and drove off.

Later that night she tries to talk to me online saying shes sorry and everything in the morning she calls and we talk and when i said i was sorry and everything would be ok she kept saying i was mad after about 10 minutes i become mad because i got so frustrated. IM NOT LYING. well things got worse and me being tired form staying up all night with firends didnt want to hear her call me names so i just hung up and went to sleep.

now heres the problem i really love this girl and i do want to marry her. but i dont want this shit for the rest of my life. i know im not perfect and i know i lie but ive always been there for her. and how bout some trust friends can play or at least thats the way i feel as longs as it doesnt go anywhere. but in the end i just want to have a happy life with her but i dont see it happening if she keeps this up. maybe im demanding to much out of her.


ADVICE?

[zas]

Don't lie to her, dont flirt as much with other girls, the reason she is insecure is because you are acting oddly, i mean writing notes to other people and not telling her why is a bit odd. maybe tell her its private about their life? and anyway, she's FAR too clingy and that'd piss me off big style. try not running to her everytime she gets in a shitty cos its pretty childish.

[Tearslost]

I dont really lie to her not much. Its kinda like "honey how does this dress look on me? that type of lying the answers they never want to her. I did tell her how the stuff was private becuase of what my friend had told me and i just couldnt let her read about someone elses problems but shes still obsessed with it. Not run to her...have you ever felt like you could make someone life better by jsut being there? that is how this

[zas]

what i mean is, when she gets in a childish shitty, dont be like OMG DARLING ARE YOU OK WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG ?!?!?!? cos my ex did that to me, i ended up walking allllll over him

[Tearslost]

o i c...ok but the more i leave her alone the more she cries

[misombra]

she's clingy and jealous. what do you expect?

[misombra]

okay i was short and i'm sorry. you have to ask yourself, am i willing to deal with this the rest of my life?

[Tearslost]

for the best girl in my life? Yes i like the child like love she gives its not demanding its just hopeful though i do have to put up with her more childish behavior i like the way she is in the end. all her faults and all her perfections

[Cybog]

In that case, get used to the following:

1. Expect to have to give a written itinerary everywhere you go for the rest of your life. This will incude names, times, and god forbid you don't stick to the exact time slots. Otherwise, you will get #1 and #2 together.

#2. Complaints, complaints, complaints. It is clearly obvious that you are not good enough for this person. You are scum. Get used to never being quite good enough, regardless of how hard you try.

#3. There is no such thing as privacy anymore. Anything you do will need to be disclosed to her Majesty, less you face "The Wrath".

#4. Jealous outbirsts for no apparent reason. This is something that will happen all the time, regardless of who you are looking at.

#5. Your woman complaining about her own personal insecurities/ issues.

#6. Her throwing a fit to get what she wants. Forever.


Now, some of these things are obviously happening right now. And the others will probably happen in the future. What you need to realize, is that you are correct in one thing - You should NOT have to deal with this.

You are currently dating a whiny, immature, self-absorbed, jealous girl, who needs to one day grow up and realize that you are going to have your own life outside of your relationship with her.

The faster you tell her EXACTLY how you feel, NOT HOLDING ANY PUNCHES, then the faster she will have to come to grips that you are still going to have your own life. For her to strip you of who you are, and attempt to control you is completely unfair.

You can either A) Approach her and tell you how you feel, or B) Live with the above issues (and more) for the rest of your life.

Your choice.

[schueys_girl]

By going to her everytime she cries you are not helping the situation. I know it is hard because I have been this girl you talk about...although not so extreme.

I used to panic when my bf didnt want to see me one night a week and spend it with his friends...why? because i was scared of losing him. Yes silly i know but some people do feel like this.
The solution? My boyfriend reassured me that he would still be there for me in the morning even if he doesnt see me that night...and then he went out. And then he called me in the morning. And he did this twice a week. And he kept doing it. And i kept getting less and less upset and more and more confident and now? Well i dont worry anymore, i go out with my friends 2-3 times a week and he does his own thing and it makes the relationship stronger and more healthy.

I usually agree with everything Cyborg says but i have to say here that i think he was a little harsh...there are a lot of women and men (yes i know some men like this) who deal with relationships this way...but they shouldnt be written off so quickly and spoken of so harshly...they just have to be dealt with sympathetically.

Now Tearslost, my friend, if you want to be with this girl and no longer want to worry about her getting upset and being so clingy then say to her (giving her a bit of notice) 'on thursday night i am going to...... with ........ , why dont you see......... and i will see you on friday' etc give her some notice so she can plan something to do with her friends.

Then STICK to it. Ring her before you go out if needs be and ring her when you get in if needs be...my boyfriend even came up to see me before he went out a few times, or came round to see me after hed been out just to reassure me. But after a while i learnt to cope with it and all the anxiety and worry went away because i realised he doesnt HAVE to see me every night because he has his own life and this doesnt mean he loves me any less

Your gf needs to realise that seeing you is a priviledge not a necessity, you let her into your life and you are sharing it with her, she cant take over and control every single part of it. I realise this now and me and my bf couldnt be happier: he says he is proud of how i have grown and i have confidence in him and our relationship and this shows how much I love him, and he is proud of himself that he was able to solve a problem in our relationship rather than just relying on me to fix it: i.e we worked together, and this is what relationships are all about.

Sorry this was so long but i think it was quite an admission on my part because im making myself look silly as i realise it was silly to be this clingy but i got through it! Try it with your girl and see how it goes, it does take time, for me and my boyfriend about 5months. Be as patient for as long as you can, but when the fun stops for you and you feel u cant hold her up anymore then you need to let go and move on.

Even if you do get married you cant go on propping this girl up the rest of your life...where do you go for support when shes constantly leaning on you?

good luck -x-

[Tearslost]

Ok i take to heart most of what you guys are saying though i have some qualms about some things.

#2. Complaints, complaints, complaints. It is clearly obvious that you are not good enough for this person. You are scum. Get used to never being quite good enough, regardless of how hard you try.

I understand this, but she doesnt.(past life exp. even though i know you were joking i was not). She still thinks im the greates person in the world. Shes just always sad that im not always with her.

- You should NOT have to deal with this.

we all pick our own punishments for the past

The faster you tell her EXACTLY how you feel, NOT HOLDING ANY PUNCHES, then the faster she will have to come to grips that you are still going to have your own life. For her to strip you of who you are, and attempt to control you is completely unfair.

have you ever seen anyone break mentally? its not a pretty picture.(and no i dont date only wack jobs) as close as she is if i did what you suggest i am pretty sure that is what would happen.

now cyborg i do appreciate what you say and most of it is very truthful of her character, but i think on the good things people do most of the time. She can be the most wonderful girl in the world. I would be sad to see her grow up into an adult. thats probably my whole problem.

ps:schuey girl... the phone idea would be good but then she talks for about 2 hours and wont let me get off without feeling bad about hanging up on her. where do i go for support? i guess you guys and my friends...though my friends were a bit harsh.

[schueys_girl]

well darlin you have to be a bit stronger and more forceful...after all you are your own man, and can decide how long to spend on phone calls etc ring her and say just calling to let u know I care, im thinking about you, i love you etc and il see you 2moro let her say her peice and then say now i have to go i will see you 2moro and just go.

I know it sounds harsh but it worked for me and the more you do it the more she'll begin to understand and trust these 'boundaries' your setting.

your friends are most likely to be harsh because they care about you and dont want to see you be messed around and controlled. Just maintain your own thing 2 nights a week, just be strong and dont give in, tell her you love her and you will see her the next day and then go enjoy yourself, she'll get used to it eventually xxxx

[schueys_girl]

p.s the only reason she wants you with her all the time is because then she thinks she cannot lose you. explain to her what you are doing because no person can spend every single night and day together, everyone needs their own space, it will completely destroy the relationship, whether it happens months or years down the line

[Tearslost]

i thought she did that more out of her own insecurity than thinking she couldnt lose me

[Cybog]

That IS an insecurity.

Either way, its obvious you don't want to confront her about what is really going on. I was under the impression that after putting up with this for this long you were interested in actually doing something about it.