I am confused.can someone advice?

[help_me]

i am working with this guy for 2 yrs and go out for get together once in a while.recently we to an ofc party and he acted quite concerned around me.like the whole time we were dancing together he kept his arms around me (dunno why even when i wasnt drunk).later i was a bit drunk and ended up hugging him and almost fell asleep on his shoulder.he was very polite and later got me cab to send me home.however the next day i realized my mistake and messaged him saying i was sorry for being drunk last night.later i came to know that he was taking care only coz my boss asked him to check on me once in a while.i knew he was avoiding me n ofc and i even told him sorry for my behavior at the party and asked him if the scenario was that bad, to which he replied yes.now he hardly speaks and kind of joked around me in front of my boss saying he was asked to handle the danger (something like that).this really embarrassed me and told him that i already said sorry abt the incident.he says he was just joking but somehow i feel his nature towards me has changed.am i over imagining things? he knws i have a bf.does this make any diff? or sud i forget everything and move along? guys please help me out here, i am so confused and why is this bothering me so much?

[Cazura]

First off, if u like this guy so much y r u with ur BF? but anyway, he seems like a good guy. and good guys DO care if you have a boyfriend, unlike girls only about 10 percent of guys even try to go after girls who are taken. And this guy definitely doesn't sound like one of them. with that being said his actions towards u at the part were more then just doing a favor for the boss. He obviously cares for u.
What is interesting though is that u claim hes behavior before and after the party changed? I highly doubt he lost interest in you because u were hard to deal with at the party. did something else happen? Is that when he found out u had bf?(if so thats definately the reason) it could also been something small like saying "ur such a good a friend", and him mistakingly assuming u just put him in the friend zone. Guys fear the friend zone likes it death.

[YouAreBeautiful]

I agree with the above user. It's highly doubtful that he was turned off by the events at the party. I think he may be cautious because you have a bf and he doesn't know how or if to proceed. You may want to strike up a conversation about your current relationship, let him know if it may be ending soon and see if he perks up. And seriously, decide if you want to risk or end your relationship for this.

[carl1222]

Wait a minute ... this is not a case of a guy losing interest in you after a drunken episode! You have acquired the reputation of being a problem at a party, and he was asked to do damage control. He managed your inebriated advances and got you home safely ... mission accomplished. I don't see anything here to indicate he wants more. Now, he's probably a bit afraid that you may be misinterpreting his kindness as romantic interest, and is letting you (and your boss) know that he is not interested in any such thing.

Carl.

[help_me]

i agree with all the above. the thing is i have been out earlier for parties as well and drink and danced, but not to the extent to create a scene.when initially i asked him for a dance (wen i wasnt even drunk), he kept his arms around me without even hugging me. i was very well aware of that and i kept pushing it away ..bt he still kept it around me. this confuses me. wen i felt that he was kind of taking care of me,i just gave in... no lame game but do guys think was it me who started it all?

[vashti]

I think it is a HUGELY stupid idea to get drunk with co-workers, especially when the boss is there.

This guy was probably turned off by your lack of knowing this, in addition to your having a boyfriend but allowing him inappropriate contact.

Just save whatever dignity you have left, and forget about this man and your drunken party, and don't do it again.

[Poetic_Partner]

IMHO, he's not all that attracted to you and was being so attentive because he and others were worried about your condition. That doesn't mean he disliked everything about the night - he seems to have enjoyed the dancing. Dancing with a woman at the start of a party is a world different from baby-sitting her at the end though.

So, where to go from here. Simple actually - just drop it and get on with business. When deciding on raises/layoffs, bosses DO consider who is high-maintenance and who gets the work done. If it comes up in a light-hearted manner, dismiss it in a quick, joking manner. If it comes up in a more confrontational manner, ignore it.

Every office (and almost every worker) has done at least one thing embarrassing - ended up in the local police blotter, been called out hitting on a client, accidentally soiled themselves at work, been caught (literally) with pants down, gotten smashed at an office party. That's part of life. Now get on with the rest of it.

-PP

[help_me]

so do you guys think i sudn't ask the guy out??

[vashti]

Didn't you already say you have a boyfriend? And that this guy doesn't seem to like you any more?

Why would you even THINK of asking him out? Don't be stupid.

[help_me]

ok i get the idea straight and clear. it was a very stupid idea to think initially that guy liked me i ended up getting too comfortable with him. with this misunderstanding the damage is done.... any thoughts how i could dismiss the tension?? coz i can clearly feel that his behavior towards me has changed. though i have now kept my interaction with him strictly professional, but still i would very much like to remove the misunderstandings..... i dnt want to end up giving up an wrong notions. any advice

[carl1222]

so do you guys think i sudn't ask the guy out??

I can't believe you are even asking this under the circumstances! You are already known as the "office drunk" ... do you really want to add "office slut" to that?

People are somewhat forgiving of the dumb things you do when you are drunk. They are far less forgiving of the dumb things you do when you are sober.

You have a boyfriend ... drop it!

Carl.

[help_me]

ok asking him out is out of bounds...wat abt the other advice???

[Poetic_Partner]

Drop it. Get on with business.

Likely, most of the tension is coming from you (and maybe being reflected back off him some). If you re able to move beyond it then that aspect of the tension will drop away.

Insofar as there is some tension coming from him, that's his problem and there's nothing you can (or should) do about it.

You're at an important cross-roads here. Either:
A) "Sure - Jane can't handle her booze. But when the deadline's coming on us fast I wouldn't want anyone else on my team! John, on the other hand, why can't he just keep private things to himself and pull his weight around here"
vs
B) "I don't know about asking Jane to help. I want to work on the project, not her personal life. Besides, we'll need help from John and she can't seem to get along with him professionally for some reason."

Drop it. Get on with business.

-PP

[help_me]

thanks man....this helps alot... yes i agree that maybe most of the tension comes from me....i do agree that i still feel a bit self conscious around him...and even asking him a non professional question i think like 4times..ok if i ask him will he think i am hitting on him....anyways i think the best will be to move on ...and go on with the flow...