new take at love

[lincsman]

Hi, basically I am very damaged and wounded from people in my past, which has made me really wonder about getting into a relationship again. I really want to, and I know that there are good women out there, it's just, I seem to wonder if the same crap that happened in my last relationships is going to always happen in every relationship. If I dress nice and clean up good, I get hit-on on the bus, or at church, or whatever, and I just don't even bother. Perhaps I will after I get to know certain women for a while first. Does this sound like a good philosophy? I've gone through a process to forgive all those that have hurt me, so I'm just wondering what to do from this point, like how should I approach women and get involved in such a way that I don't get screwed over again by some psycho idiot, or manipulator, or whatever.

[Cyberpunk85]

There's really nothing you can do about it. A bitter past leaves its scars, and they are mostly all visibile. Thinking out relationships logically is a hard way to live, and it makes you more detached as a result. But the good news is that sometimes your logic can do little to fight your gut. Sometimes the heart is too strong to control, and subsequently you do things that you know aren't necessarily smart, but you can't help but listen because she makes you feel like a time before the bitterness consumed you, and it is a wonderful feeling. However, it becomes a constant struggle between rational thought and raw emotion, and from my experience, it never ends well, only in heartbreak. It's why I only choose girls that I know I can live without, because when on the off-chance you meet that girl who keeps you up all night, makes it difficult to concentrate on routine things like pouring a cup of coffee, she's only going to break your already shattered heart into even more infinitesimal pieces and you may end up having a mental breakdown.

My advice then is to just listen to your logic. You know how manipulative and evil girls can be based on your past experiences with them. Make sure you really know who it is you're getting involved with. The heart has shit for brains.

Love is sadistic and unforgiving. Love revels in misery.

[msingell]

^^^^ i kind of agree with you cyberpunk. i think that the melding of logic with you heart is the key. dont hold back what your heart feels, but know when/what to feel. easier said than done. you gotta learn from your experiences and use them to your advantage as much as they sucked to endure.

[IncognitoSir]

Its really not as complicated as you think. You have to be at least open to meet and get to know people. After you've gathered information about a person, you have a choice to make. To pursue or not. Now, if you don't, it's easy, maybe friends with em and thats that, no feelings involved. If you choose to pursue, then you should be prepared to work. A relationship = WORK.....no getting around it. Now if you actually like the person you're pursuing, you don't mind WORKING for her. A lil common sense can cary you a looooong way. Just know, that matters of the heart can get complicated.