Back to square one?

[flo_22]

My ex and I broke up around the beginning of the year. It was complicated and a long story, and I got really hurt. I was heartbroken and this year has been a struggle. Over the past few months I've been a lot better, feeling like I'm finally getting over it all, up until last week. I saw a guy who looked just like him when I was walking in town, my heart nearly beated out of my chest, and now the idea of seeing him again petrifies me, mainly because I don't know how I'll react.

He moved on fast with someone else, about a month or two after he last spoke to me. There hasn't been anyone since him, mainly because I'm not ready and I haven't found someone I am genuinely interested in. It was an ex issue that tore us apart so the idea of putting someone else through everything I've gone through this past year would kill me.

It's got me thinking about what I should do if I see him. I haven't seen him since the split. I have feelings for him, think I always will, but it's over and I accept that. I could never go back but I have no idea how to act if I do see him. I feel like I need to come up with a plan in case I do fall apart. It scares me because I was doing fine and just seeing someone who looks like him has threw me off track. I feel like I've gone back to square one, it feels so raw again. Why?
Has anyone else has a relapse and any tips on how to try to get over it all again? I feel like I'm going to be constantly battling to get over him forever.

[Applesauce]

did you try to remove him completely from your life by deleting anything that reminded you of him and suppressing your feelings? Or did you come to terms with the breakup and embrace your feelings as a normal part of the healing process?

[flo_22]

Thanks for the reply. I think I moped about as much as one would expect, probably more, because I really struggled with it at first. But as time went on and I heard that he had found someone else, which was another blow, I think that's when I blocked it out as much as I could - I had my job and going back to uni and such to focus on. It wasn't really a conscious effort though because I don't remember ever thinking to myself 'block it out' - I just did. Now all of that has died down, I don't know if it's because I do have more time on my hands to think about it all again.

I was just wondering if it's normal to feel raw about it all after a period of time, even after feeling like you had been dealing with it and felt terrible? I'm only asking because I've had two boyfriends before him, one a mutual break-up and the other not of my doing, and I never experienced anything like this with them. Friends tell me that he must be my real first love, (which is pathetic at 21) and that you'll always have feelings for your first love. I'm hoping that's not true because it gets me down, even after all of this time, and I don't know why because I could never go back there.

[WICKED THOUGHTS]

Oii! Oii! You got p.m

[Applesauce]

If it makes you feel better, it took me 4 years to be completely over my first love. I thought about her everyday. Then one day, poof!!!