Just lost in a sea of...yuck.

[mjs1983]

So about 2 1/2 years ago I started seeing this man who was, so it seemed, a perfect match for me. I fell deeply, deeply in love and according to him, so did he. He's in the Army and had to deploy, and we made it through peeeerfectly. Talked all the time, wrote letters, calls when we could. When he got back, we had made plans for me to move with him to where he was stationed (he's FROM my area, stationed at a different place) and so I packed up, without question, and moved all the way across the country. We had plans to marry, future kids, everything. And believe me when I say, I had never put my all into a guy the way I did with this one.

So I move. I get there and things are different. He's partying more, which would be fine (given we didn't have kids yet), but when he would do it he would become a different person. Mean. And slightly on the crazy side. But I stuck through it, because in my mind "it wasnt the real him" This was after a year and some change of him being amazing. One night it got pretty scary, and I put my foot down and said this is it. If you don't get help, stop drinking until you deal with your issues, I'm gone and I wont come back until you do. And I left. Great right? Not so much.

I fly down to Reno (I have a couple friends there) to clear my head, he goes on leave to Cali and calls me saying I am so sorry. I've stopped drinking, I'm going to get help, I love you. Let me come to Reno. Let's marry. Enough with all the stupid stuff. And of course, dumb me, I fell for it. This culminated in me waiting in a dress, in a wedding chapel for 4 hours watching couples go in and out, in and out being stood up and spending the night alone in a honeymoon suite. So I said I'm done, and flew home.

Now this should have been the end of it, but he would message me online every couple weeks trying to talk and i would TRY to ignore it, I tried so hard, but it would always be like a knife and I would say something. He said he missed me, then he said he wanted to be friends. I asked why and he gave me some lame answer like "youre a funny person, we have similar taste in music" WHAT? a month ago I'm your soulmate and now..yeah.

This went on for a few months, every 3 weeks he would message me, then ignore me, then message me. Then one day it just stopped. And I don't know whats wrong with me, but I'm miserable and have been for quite some time. It's been a good 6-7 months and I still have more bad days. I cry a lot, I'm down more than I like to admit. Most days I fake smile. And I obsess way too much if I'm being honest. He found a girlfriend about 1 week after the last time we spoke, and they are now engaged.

I don't know what I'm asking here...I'm just hurt..confused..I don't really know. And it's easier to type this to strangers than admit to my friends im still in such a bad place with it. How can someone move on so quickly? And how can someone who's "in love" do all those things? I'm just lost.

Thanks for listening to me blab on LOL

[mjs1983]

EW hahah..well at least i got a good laugh

[Boscher]

Was he emotional at all?

Did his love seem real to you? It does seem very soon to get hitched again. I know that must hurt, but you have to keep on keeping on.

He found you attractive and worthy of a relationship - many other men will to. Better men. Men that are more mature and are willing to open their hearts.

Good things will happen to good people. In a years time or so, this guy will just be another experience that you learnt from, but are not phased by.

Chin up girl

[hope555]

It is huge red flag to me that he moved so fast with you and then freaked out, and now it seems like he's doing the same with someone else. I think its his "relationship pattern" and its almost better that you found out before you did got married and had kids. I know it hurts, but you deserve someone much better, who isn't as confused and can plain and simple be brave enough to love you with all his heart. I'm probably similar to you in that I fall in love pretty hard too...and then its hard to get out of it even if you logically know you shouldn't care about him anymore. Also, like you, its the hardest thing for me to ignore msgs from him..at least once a week he'll try to come back in my life, esp if he feels like i'm moving on. Just remind yourself of all the things this man didn't offer you, and know there's someone out there who will fit your needs much better.We shouldn't have to jump through hoops to make love work...relationships take work, but its not THIS kind of work. Be productive and focus on your life for now...before you know it, you'll be in a much more healthy relationship. Good luck!

[Agape]

"Let's marry. Enough with all the stupid stuff. And of course, dumb me, I fell for it. This culminated in me waiting in a dress, in a wedding chapel for 4 hours watching couples go in and out, in and out being stood up and spending the night alone in a honeymoon suite. So I said I'm done, and flew home."

Unbelievable . . . well it's obvious you have no self-control . . . cut this guy out of your life. . . who cares about him and how he moves on so quickly . . .couldn't you just block him so you don't get any messages?