should i be upset at my girlfriend?

[LostOne]

shes known this dude since she was 15 and he is 7 yrs older than her.. when she was 18 they fell in love and took each others virginities.. she broke up with him but they remained best friends afterwards. he is always there for her (i am an hr away for her) to give her rides (she doesn't have a car), he buys her gifts, etc. i know she would never cheat on me. what pisses me off is they take pictures together that look like bf/gf pics. they do shit like shop together, and go to concerts, etc. but just recently she put one up of them a little too close for me as her main facebook pic. i told her in a text just so you know hes a little tooo close in that picture. and she whips at me like i'm being anal and trying to be controlling. do i not have a right to be upset? should i not be with this girl? shouldn't she know not to do things like that? it makes me look and feel bad

[Poetic_Partner]

"...i told her in a text just so you know hes a little tooo close in that picture. and she whips at me like i'm being anal and trying to be controlling..."
Depends on whether you DID sound controling or not to her. Did she hear "YOU can't do that." or "that makes ME feel...".

Personally, I wouldn't worry too much about her friendship with him. If she's not the sort to cheat, then as long as your relationship is on good ground, she's not liable to cheat. There is a risk of her turning to him first instead of you for her emotional needs, but open communication can short-circuit that.

That being said, if you are very uncomfortable about it, then it wouldn't be out of place to ask her to tone down that relationship - just don't blame her if she considers that to be too controling for the sort of life she wants to live. If so, be prepared to accept that you two are just incompatable in an important way and may need to part ways.

-PP

[Petit Papillon]

I would be pissed off and I would tell her about it. WTF, you don't stay friends with your exes and especially NOT like them ! I would tell her : "You know what? I may sound jealous now but in my book IT'S NOT ok to be so close to an ex and I have the reason to be jealous. I am upset about it and it's not helping our relationship . It's your ex for God's sake, you were sleeping with him, how would you feel if I spend so much time with some of the girls I've met and be so open about it? "
If she would be smart enough or mature enough to be in a normal relationship, she would already know it. Even the most confident person would feel insecure about it . I would just tell her how I feel and if she still doesn't see anything wrong with it, then just leave her.
And if she doesn't have a car she can take a bus or use her "autofeet" ,this is what I do and I'm not suffering because of it.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Break it off with her, and tell her to call you if she decides that her relationship with you, is more important than her relationship with him.

[LostOne]

"
Personally, I wouldn't worry too much about her friendship with him. If she's not the sort to cheat, then as long as your relationship is on good ground, she's not liable to cheat. There is a risk of her turning to him first instead of you for her emotional needs, but open communication can short-circuit that.

-PP

what do you mean by open communication can short circuit that?

[LostOne]

i feel like i'm stubborn if i ask for there relationship to end because he is a family friend and they know alot of the same people

[LostOne]

i feel you sometimes i think shes too smart for herself to be in a relationship and it makes her stupid. i might have to break up w her soon, sad cuz i love her

[Poetic_Partner]

What I mean is that if she feel like she can come to you for all her emotional needs, then she won't go to him often and when she does it will be for a second opinion (yours being the first and most important).

The risk is that if, say, she has a big fight with her sister and thinks "I really WANT someone to talk to. Oh, I wish my boyfriend would just listen to me and try to understand, but I don't want to bother him with another of my stupid problems." Then she goes to him. This happens occasionally and she thinks "I wish my boyfriend were more like my guy-friend." Happens often and she thinks "I wish my guy-friend were my boyfriend."

So, just listen to her.

Here's a method you can try. Overdo it and it can seem weird and unnatural, but try it for a few minutes. When she starts talking about how she feels about work, family, you - let her talk a moment. Don't say a word, but pay close attention to her words. Then, when there's a pause paraphrase what she said. "So, what I heard you say is that *** made you feel ***." Then stop talking again and let her either agree or clarify. Repeat as needed for you to understand.

-PP

[xxazurexx]

My main concern would be, is why she chooses to display pics of him and her in her Facebook profile and not pics of you and her? How would she feel if the shoe were on the other foot and this was you displaying pics of yourself and your ex in your profile?

He's meeting needs, but no needs are being met by him and when she's chooing to have him and her as the profile pic. She's doing that because she wants too. Probably still screwing him if the truth was known.

[MadMardegan]

I would be worried about that to be honest, and I hate to say it but, I'm sure it's not as innocent as you think.

I'd confront her.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Just end it, you're never going to be able to trust her and you probably shouldn't. You're going to be insecure about their "friendship" unless she cuts it off, and you're right, it will come across as controlling if you tell her to. Just end it, and tell her that you don't want to tell her to break that friendship, but you'd be willing to try again if she does of her own accord.

[girl68]

You have the right to not feel good about it but you don't have the right to snap at her via text. You need to learn how to commmunicate effectively. You speak to her in person if that's not possible in the mean time you pick up the telephone and ring her. You kindly tell her that the profile picture upsets you and explain that the distance between you and her and the distance between her friend and you makes you uncomfortable. You do NOT passively agressively text her with your panties all knoted up. That part is YOUR bad.

Call her and EXPLAIN what that text was all about and apologize not for your feelings but for the way you came across. Then maybe you have a case.

[LostOne]

she ended up taking the pictures off mad as hell although I never really told her to. we had a few long talks but i think i'ma break it off cuz i think shes being fake

[girl68]

Please learn something from this.. Even if you do break up with her (I totally am on your side I too would have a problem just so we're clear) but dont' ignore what I said you completely went about this the entirely wrong way. You need to learn how to communicate when you're hurt, angry, sad, and jealous and texting is NOT the right way.

[LostOne]

^ I understand. it's a problem i've had because most of our arguments start over texting. thank you