Wife Enjoys Nothing....

[BrownDog52469]

Children are 6 and 8. NOT post-partum depression. Although depression/self esteem issues may be a possibility.

[RdHrshyKss]

i definitely think they are an issue. i never understood how people who are obviously depressed and whose behaviors are actively affecting their family can go on ignoring them...it's so selfish. it's not like you're being impatient or a jerk to her, resenting her issues. you are actively seeking help and are trying your best to make things work. this woman is blind! if she hasn't responded to any of your suggestions or attempts at reconnecting, i think you should start taking a different route. start being the man in the relationship. let her know that you aren't going to tolerate being #2 anymore.

[Agape]

Children are 6 and 8. NOT post-partum depression. Although depression/self esteem issues may be a possibility.

Well those are pretty serious thing and they will affect the marriage from this point on . . . you need to do something.

[Radarsonar]

i definitely think they are an issue. i never understood how people who are obviously depressed and whose behaviors are actively affecting their family can go on ignoring them...it's so selfish. it's not like you're being impatient or a jerk to her, resenting her issues. you are actively seeking help and are trying your best to make things work. this woman is blind! if she hasn't responded to any of your suggestions or attempts at reconnecting, i think you should start taking a different route. start being the man in the relationship. let her know that you aren't going to tolerate being #2 anymore.

I wholeheartedly agree with this.

You need to do *something* about this if you want things to change. Right now you're just indulging her in her behaviour by letting this situation continue. Put your foot down, start thinking about yourself as well.

[BrownDog52469]

Thanks guys. This has been very insightful. I agree something has to be done. She will continue to deny any problems and live this way if I don't. Ultimatum, seperation......all scare me. I don;t want to hurt my children and I want to walk away knowing I did all that I could to salvage the marriage. Her family is the only people she listens to and their reaction to any seperation would be tantamount to a divorce. I think it's safe to say if we seperate it will be over. I don't know that I nor my children are prepared for that yet. She is very stubborn and won't like to be told what to do so an ultimatum is tricky. I don't want to say that if it's things don't improve by a certain date , then it's over. In that case I might as well just say its over. I'm thinking of telling her that if there is no improvement by the end of the year, then she has to go to counseling, if not then we seperate. This way there is some option for her. What do you think?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Sounds like a good plan to me, but allowing that much time will probably cause you to become complacent, and not stick to it. You even admit that this scares you. I think you should have her go to counseling now, or separate, no use delaying it if it's inevitable. You're not going to hurt your kids by separating, you will hurt them by staying together in a bitter, resentful marriage which will skew their views on relationships/marriage.

[Boisdevie]

She needs to decide NOW. You have done the best that you can. Good luck - you seem to be a very caring person and you do not deserve this

[Bella82]

I don't want to hurt my children and I want to walk away knowing I did all that I could to salvage the marriage.

I know you say you don't want to hurt your children, and I understand that, but what kind of message are you sending to them about relationships if you stay with someone who doesn't respect you and who isn't a true companion? I can remember alot of things from when I was little and now looking back, parts of my parents' relationship was really sad -- and I still feel bitter for my mom that she put up with all my dad's crap for all those years and didn't end it before.

Regardless of what you decide, you should have no regrets. So if you feel like you need to try harder, just to know in your heart you did all you could, now's your chance. After that if you can have a free conscience, it's worth it.

[RdHrshyKss]

same goes for me. in hindsight i wish my parents would have gone their separate ways when i was young. my mom was always a mess, never in a good mood, always bitchy...and my dad was always catering to her hand and foot. i would always tell myself that i'd never be like that, but you don't realize how much of an impact it has. i feel you've put an adequate amount of effort into trying to make things work...she hasn't. she either does it now or hits the road...that's my view.

[Bella82]

same goes for me. in hindsight i wish my parents would have gone their separate ways when i was young. my mom was always a mess, never in a good mood, always bitchy...and my dad was always catering to her hand and foot. i would always tell myself that i'd never be like that, but you don't realize how much of an impact it has. i feel you've put an adequate amount of effort into trying to make things work...she hasn't. she either does it now or hits the road...that's my view.

You're right, you never realize the impact it has on you until later and you notice certain behaviour similarities. Kinda scary, isn't it? I've had to promise myself I wouldn't act certain ways and every once in a while it tries to sneak back, because that's what you grew up with. Coraggio my dear

[RdHrshyKss]

You're right, you never realize the impact it has on you until later and you notice certain behaviour similarities. Kinda scary, isn't it? I've had to promise myself I wouldn't act certain ways and every once in a while it tries to sneak back, because that's what you grew up with. Coraggio my dear

e forza

[Agape]

"I'm thinking of telling her that if there is no improvement by the end of the year, then she has to go to counseling, if not then we seperate. This way there is some option for her. What do you think? "

That's very good . . . giving her a chance to fix her act . . .and if not, then you have tried and it just didn't work out