Insecurities

[fearlessxi]

So, I have a tendency to get insecure with my boyfriend. I worry that he's not happy, I'm not enough for him, etc. Recently we got into a bit of a disagreement. He won't put a relationship status on facebook. He says 'I never had one before I met you, I don't feel like I need to publicize my relationship status on there, my family knows, my friends and people that I hang out with know, I would never deny our relationship to anyone. why should I have to put my relationship status up there, because everyone else does? No matter who I'm with or if I'm alone with my right hand, I just don't want that up there like that' And, I really understand that part, I mean I do feel like it's more of everyone else is doing it, why not us? I know he's great to me, I told him about how I get upset that maybe he's not happy with me, etc and he told me that he never wants me to feel that, that he may not say it everyday but he's so happy, happier than he can ever remember, i'm the one person in the world he feels most comfortable with over anyone, if he broke his arms i'd be the one wiping his ass. I also told him that I get scared because things are so good with us, the bad has to come soon right? He told me that his relationships never go bad ... I was a little confused, but he said you've been my only relationship (which is true, i'm the only girl he's dated), but after we had that talk, he told me that what I said has been in his mind. He grew with that mentality you don't marry someone you're dating when you're 20...We talked it out though, I basically said yes if we got married right now, I agree but if we stay together and in 5 or 6 years, we're happy, why wouldn't we? We'd be older, we'd both mature. He agreed, he said it was still going to bother him a little (which I understand, and I completely agree) but he said this wasn't worth losing me. The other day, I got extremely down about my looks the other day, I didn't feel sexy or cute or beautiful anything...and I told him, he wants me to tell him this stuff, and he was just asking what he could do to help? he says he wishes i saw what he sees. Another thing bugging me, which probably shouldn't, is I know he looks at these two girls from his past facebooks. One he just had sex with, and the other, he cared about...I read an old email from waaay before we started dating, between him and one of their friends (how he met her) saying no other girls at his school compared to her...And if he looks at the girl he ****ed, I get scared...she has bigger boobs than me, does he wish i had that? does he still want to **** her? and with the other girl, it's like...well, does he still care about her? does he miss her? And, I know this shouldn't bother me because I facebook surf too...I've been on guys from my past pages...But it's like if this situation were reversed, I would be like you're nuts...just cause I look at other guys, it doesn't change how I feel about you or our relationship, I don't regret a thing with him...but with that actual situation, I just don't feel that way, I just get scared...he's so great to me, despite this all, i know we're good together...if i ever want to talk about anything, he listens, if i want to laugh, he makes me.

I just want a guy's perspective on all of this, whether it's fishy or I'm just overreacting...

[IncognitoSir]

Well, it's different, but I know several couples that don't participate in "facebook relationship status" . In your position, I don't think you have anything to worry about. Sounds like he treats you very well. Don't create problems for yourself. Your working on sabotaging your relationship right now. Never ignore signs of a hidden problem, but based on what you've said. There are no signs to be worried about now. Eyes open, head up, and by all means......be thankful for a guy who treats you right.(We're one in a million)

[Agape]

Is the main problem the fact that it's not "facebook official?"

How long has the relationship been? . . . either way, I don't know, it shouldn't be that bad - focus on the actual relationship rather than the publicity for it

[xxazurexx]

I agree with IncognitoSir....you are sabotaging this good thing you have going and if you keep going on the way you are, you will lose it for good.

Have you been hurt or let down in the past? Not all guys are the same and it sounds as though you have a 'keeper'....a 'decent' guy! He is with you and remains with you, because with you is where he wants to be right now. You are as good as anybody else out there, keep on telling yourself that.

As for Facebook, why give a hoot what is public/not public on there. After all, it's just a few pixels on a screen. What you have going in 'real' life is far more important. Concentrate on that

[Applesauce]

This guy is smart. He is setting up the perfect situation for him to cheat and get away with it. Even if he doesn't act on it, should you two break up he won't have to explain to girls on Facebook that he just got out of a relationship

[vashti]

Feeling secure in a relationship takes time when you are young. You will feel less insecure over time, but in the meantime, you need to keep all this nonsense to yourself. He will grow tired of it eventually.

For the record, I think it's silly that dating people have a relationship status posted on Facebook... very high school.

[toshi]

if things are going all too well all you need to do is to have faith.

[Dr.Phillius]

OK picture your boyfriend. hes 13 years old and his MOMMY dropps him off at school. She kisses him in front of all his male friends. your boyfriend says "MOM!!! not in front of my friends" This doesnt mean your boyfriend doesnt love his mother. Hes just not comfortable. By what i read, he actually acknowledges your insecurities. It doesnt sound like he just brushes them away. And by that you should know that he cares about you and deep down inside.. Realize your worth. He might dream/fantasize about women but at the end of the day... Hes with you and as long as your remain honest and open about your feelings, and he shows that he cares, you have a good man...

[surfhb]

This guy is smart. He is setting up the perfect situation for him to cheat and get away with it. Even if he doesn't act on it, should you two break up he won't have to explain to girls on Facebook that he just got out of a relationship

I hope this is a joke?

God! The whole idea of Facebook is so juvenile and narcissistic