How come no one wants to be in relationships anymore????? :/

[spaceboy409]

I turn 25 next month, and ive almost just given up on love.

I'm still heart broken about a girlfriend of a year and half, and that was almost a year ago..

since then I've met quite a few girls who I thought could that void.

But every time I start to get close to them, they always pull the 'Im not looking for a relationship right now'

Sometimes they do it before I even say anything.... am I just cursed to be alone forever or what??

One girl I fell for really fast, and I thought she felt the same, but now we hardly talk.....its just bummer, it seems like no one is willing to just put their heart out their anymore. everyone is scared to get hurt. I almost wanna get hurt again cuz I just miss being in love so much.... thats it.

[JELEF]

Perhaps you're not projecting the right attitude. If you're still hung up on a girlfriend from a year ago and it's obvious, that's not going to be a very attractive quality. Maybe these women were into you but realized straight away that you're not over your ex-girlfriend.

[Spoonandfork]

But every time I start to get close to them, they always pull the 'Im not looking for a relationship right now'

girls only say that to guys they aren't interested in

[doppelgaenger]

In my opinion, you shouldn't be right after a relationship. Don't soften up to a girl until after a few months of dating, because commitment can be a tragic waste of investment. Just enjoy the girl(s) you date, and if some kind of relationship develops, well then cheers!

[IncognitoSir]

In my opinion, you shouldn't be right after a relationship. Don't soften up to a girl until after a few months of dating, because commitment can be a tragic waste of investment. Just enjoy the girl(s) you date, and if some kind of relationship develops, well then cheers!

Exactly, get out there and have fun with the ladies. Stop looking for a relationship, and just enjoy yourself. BTW, most chicks get turned off if they think you're looking for a relationship and it's only the 3rd date....

[Rixy]

It will all come naturally...

[duran_ii]

Honestly, the best way to meet relationship-material is when you meet a woman doing a hobby of yours that you enjoy. And yeah I agree with the others that when they say "I'm not ready for a relationship." What they actually mean is, "I'm not ready for a relationship WITH YOU. Friends maybe?"

No one is ever truly "ready" to get into a relationship. It just happens. None of my relationships ever happened when I was "ready." They always happened when I least expected it.

[Agape]

"One girl I fell for really fast, and I thought she felt the same, but now we hardly talk.....its just bummer, it seems like no one is willing to just put their heart out their anymore"

perhaps you are coming on too fast?

[cheeky&sexy]

I know exactly how u feel except i am a girl and havent even had a real relationship before. I have never been told the 'I dont want a relationship' line before, but them slowly fazing me out after THEY come on strong is becoming a pattern that makes no sense.. and pretty much seems like theyre indirectly telling me they dont want a relationship as they seem to enjoy the single life. never sure if its about me or them.. but i always seem to attract and be attracted to the guys who are self confident and basically dont appear to need a girlfriend and who probably arent searching for one because they like playing the field.

Now back to how this insight from a female can help u and your situation.. most girls, except for the ones who cant seem to live without a bf and are completely co-dependent.. are more attracted to the type of guy i described. a lot of people might disagree with me and thats fine.. but then y r there so many players out there who have a ton of girls who want them? im not saying to become a player, but we do like their confidence and charm which is y we are attracted to them to start with. Do u think since ur breakup maybe u r lacking self confidence? if so then that is likely to be the number one reason why these girls dont want to be in a relationship with u. Coming on too strong would be the number two reason. Basically, coming on too strong is flattering, but if the guy is not someone who we see as too good too be true/too good for us, it makes us see them as desperate which is a huge turnoff.

[just-me]

so how do we go about this?
co-dependent girls who want relationship don't want guys who want relationship because they're not players!
independent girls don't want relationship so why even bother!
Just to make things clear, before my ex I was reasonably self-confident guy, but not a player. I'm getting my self-confidence back, but I'm not the guy who's interested in one night stands. It's not like I go around telling girls I love them on a third date, but I don't like playing games. that's just not my cup of tea.

How does a regular guy find a regular girl with potential of getting into relationship?

I'm not sure what's going on, but it seems that people are really not into relationships anymore. My ex was for a while, she loved it, she showed it, but under the influence of other people she got infected by "greener grass" syndrome and changed her mind. I'm not possessive person and I'm fine with my girlfriends having friends and their own space so there is no way I can prevent that influence.

I believe there are some girls out there looking for the same as I do, but what are the odds of us meeting and getting together? It could take years for me at this pace!

After my previous heartbreak ten years ago I became a player for a while. It happened naturally, I had that bad boy attitude, didn't give a f**k and I had girls chasing me. I broke some hearts and to tell you the truth, I didn't feel good about it later. I don't want to do it anymore.

[cheeky&sexy]

sorry i must have worded part of my post wrong. i didnt mean to say that independent girls dont want relationships. independent girls are just generaly attracted to guys who dont care or need to be in a relationship, because they are content with who they are. co-dependent girls dont like players.. theyre the ones who will go for the guy who comes on too strong and who clearly want a relationship, because they need someone. Just to make that clear, sorry again for the confusion.

I completely get what you mean, i dont like playing games either and i agree with u we shouldnt have to. And im glad you regretted being a player and hurting girls, because it seems some guys simply dont care when they break our hearts because of their ex who screwed them up.

About that question "how does a regular guy find a regular girl with potential of getting into relationship?" well a lot of us girls think the same thing about guys. To me it sounds like you are not doing anything wrong.

Considering it sounds like you are not over your ex, do you think that maybe you are emotionally unavailable? I dont know how this works, but ive heard and seen that emotionally unavailable people attract and are attracted to other emotionally unavailable people.. whether theyre aware of this or not. You might not find anyone for a relationship until you are completely over your heartbreak.

Do you think it is possible because u want to fill that void so badly, that you are coming on a little too strong?

[Relish]

Exactly, get out there and have fun with the ladies. Stop looking for a relationship, and just enjoy yourself. BTW, most chicks get turned off if they think you're looking for a relationship and it's only the 3rd date....

Really now?!

[just-me]

[QUOTE=cheeky&sexy;639252

Considering it sounds like you are not over your ex, do you think that maybe you are emotionally unavailable? I dont know how this works, but ive heard and seen that emotionally unavailable people attract and are attracted to other emotionally unavailable people.. whether theyre aware of this or not. You might not find anyone for a relationship until you are completely over your heartbreak.

Do you think it is possible because u want to fill that void so badly, that you are coming on a little too strong?[/QUOTE]

I'm probably not emotionally available yet, I think I'm having major trust issues. To be honest, I'm not even trying to hook up with girls, but I'm trying to make friends with girls to make it easier for me once I'm ready. Mentally I'm over my ex, but emotionally I still have to heal completely. I don't really feel pain or anything, but somewhere deep inside my heart something lingers... I don't think I will completely get over until I find someone, or it may take years for me.

[cheeky&sexy]

Yeah i get that many people, probably most, will never completely get over an ex. i guess what i meant to say is get over the 'heartbreak' stage and be ready to move on to someone new and everyone moves at their own pace. i mean i guess u can be not totally over them, but also not hung up on them, if that makes sense. due to your trust issues as well, u probably wont move on until u find a girl u like and who also proves to be trustworthy and it might take u longer than the average person to move on. Its probably a good idea not to hook up with girls and start off as their friend.. but just make sure u dont end up 'friend zoned' cos once u are there u can rarely get a girl to see u as more.